Missing Scenes of John and Delenn
by Anne Bensler
Summary: I am writing scenes for this beautiful couple that we never saw on the actual show. There must have been more to this romance that what we saw. This story is an attempt to complete the love story of the Earth Force Captain and the Minbari Ambassador by filling in the blanks I would have loved to see on screen. My 1st B5 story! CHAPTER 25 IS UP.
1. Chapter 1

**John Sheridan and Delenn of Mir - the missing scenes**

 _I am setting out to write scenes for this beautiful couple that we never saw on the actual show. Naturally, the focus of Babylon 5 was on the wars they were in. Behind the scenes, there must have been more to this romance that what we saw. This story is an attempt to complete the love story of the Earth Force Captain and the Minbari Ambassador by filling in the blanks I would have loved to see on screen._

 _Each scene will be introduced by telling you where to place it in the whole._

 _Setting of the first scene: after episode 16 of season 2 ("In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum") and before episode 17 ("Knives"). Everything you saw before this on the show, is the same in this story. Detailed knowledge of the Babylon 5 universe and story are assumed._

 _The scene itself is very small, but I'm using it to set the stage for our beloved characters with some backstory added in._

* * *

"Captain."

Her stomach clenches briefly when she spots him, strolling up to her casually as if they are taking a walk in the park instead of coming across each other in a packed corridor of the station. He stops in front of her, his hands on his back, and greets her formally.

"Good afternoon, Ambassador."

"Have you heard from him yet?" she asks, not mentioning a name since the walls of the station have ears. She'd had a long and sincere conversation with the Captain after she and Kosh had basically forced him to let Morden go. But they hadn't had any choice. They couldn't allow his 'associates' to stay on the station any longer. John understands this now, or at least she thinks he does. She knows they are still keeping information from John but she feels they have no choice at this stage.

John shakes his head, his eyes focused on hers.

"Not yet but he knows he can reach me at any time through Ivanova so I thought I'd mingle with the people on the station for a while before we have another crisis on our hands."

"Yes. There seems to be one around every corner these days," Delenn confirms. "I just wish we could take a break from all of it for a while."

John smiles and she swears he's standing closer to her than before.

"You and me both," he says, leaning into her slightly.

Just standing this close to him makes her body respond to him in a way she is certain it has never responded to a Minbari male before. Not that she has had any meaningful romantic relationships with other Minbari back home. It is not the way of the religious caste. They do marry but more often than not, marriages are arranged simply to make sure the caste remains and stays pure. Curious as she had always been, she had studied the rituals when she was younger of course. The Minbari rituals surrounding a budding romantic relationship are extensive but she has always seen them as very devout and thoughtful; more rational than emotional. She feels that even what she's learned about the rituals with regards to physical pleasure is somewhat subdued.

Besides, the focus of her upbringing and education have always been on study, religion and leadership. Her mother left her and her father when Delenn was still very young to pursue her own calling, so sacrificing one's own desires to do what is required had been ingrained in her from an early age.

When she was in that awkward stage between childhood and adulthood, her curiosity had gotten the better of her and just once, she had skipped all the boring rituals to get straight to the good parts. At the time, she had been friends with a like-minded young male from the warrior caste who lived down the street from her, and he had been as curious and as passionate as she was. To this day, she isn't certain if her father found out about them or if it had been a coincidence that she'd been transferred only a week later to start studying with Dukhat.

It had been a great honor to be selected to be mentored by the great Dukhat himself so she had left her young lover to return to her calling, and while she had savored the memory of the physical experience, she had not had any such encounters again since.

Her father had told her she had all it took to be a leader, and that she could grow up to be a member of the Grey Council one day. Dukhat could be the one to help her reach her full potential. He had been right on all counts and Dukhat had prepared her well to become a strong and courageous leader. So courageous that she had taken the enormous decision that she had - entering the chrysalis - fulfilling the prophecy without knowing for certain who or what she would be once she would emerge - if she would even emerge alive.

The only thing her upbringing and studies had not prepared her for, was falling in love. She hadn't expected to even have time for personal relationships on Babylon 5 beyond the ones that would benefit Minbar.

And yet here she is, staring into the hazel and very human eyes of the man who is gradually capturing her heart. The way he is looking at her now makes her wonder, as she has before, if he might have similar feelings. She has tried to tell herself he never would, since as a Minbari, she is still perceived as the enemy by most Humans. But the kind, almost tender look in his eyes is telling her something else entirely.

John smiles as if he knows exactly what she is thinking and she feels her face flush slightly. That's something it never used to do either. He is grinning now, and chuckling softly.

"What is it?" she asks, slightly annoyed at her own lack of control of the responses of her body.

"You're …"

He chuckles again and shakes his head. He feels the urge to reach for the flustered Ambassador's hand but decides against it. It wouldn't be appropriate. While they have been developing a warm understanding lately, they still have a professional relationship to uphold after all.

"Why Ambassador, I do believe you're blushing," he says softly and his gentle voice sends a chill up her spine. She looks away quickly.

"Minbari do not blush," she says as businesslike as she can although she knows she is no longer a regular Minbari and she is most definitely blushing.

He thinks she's so cute when she's embarrassed. He knows better than to call her cute though. He'd been slightly intimidated by the determined Minbari Ambassador at first. He knows she is fierce and strong, and on top of that she's a very cunning strategist with a clear sense of diplomacy as well as an enormous drive to get her way. But she's also a beautiful and sensitive woman, and the more he sees that side of her, the more he is enamored with her. He hadn't known if he would ever be able to develop feelings for another woman again after losing Anna so abruptly. Yet here he is, in an awkward yet strangely warm moment with the Ambassador of Minbar no less. And his heart beats a little faster every time he sees her.

"I hate to break it to you, but you _are_ blushing," he tells her softly, standing even closer to her than before. He is making it seem like he has to make room for a few Drazi that are passing behind him but he suspects she is aware that it isn't really necessary for him to stand this close to her. He watches Delenn's eyes flit back and forth while she still looks away from him and he decides to help her out of her predicament.

"I'm guessing it's the heat. Our climate system has been acting up these past few days and on top of that, it's pretty crowded here."

Delenn is visibly relieved that he's giving her an out and it fills him with an odd sense of pride that he has such an effect on her. He is almost afraid to hope that maybe she's feeling some of the same things he is feeling whenever he is near her. Despite his natural inclination to dislike the Minbari because of the war, he finds himself seeing Delenn more as a woman than a Minbari. Her change in appearance definitely helps in that respect but even before her transformation, she had been beautiful in her own way. He's seen the pictures and no matter how human she may look now, she hasn't lost the Minbari fire in her eyes.

"Yes. Of course. That must be it," Delenn stammers.

She usually isn't shy. In fact, she had been the one to ask _him_ a while ago if they could have dinner together. To get to know more about Humans and their food and culture, she'd said. But when she had arrived in that jaw-dropping black dress, he hadn't been so sure if that had been the only reason she'd asked him out. But whatever her reasons had been, that dress had definitely been a determining factor in how he remembered their evening together. That, and her laughter, which had genuinely surprised him. He thinks now that maybe that was the moment he started seeing her as a woman instead of a Minbari or even a political figure. He has found himself capable of relaxing in her company in a way that he can't quite find with anyone else on the busy station. She has a way of looking at the world, the galaxy even, that somehow puts his mind at ease about the grand scheme of things, and where exactly he fits in.

It amuses him how Delenn suddenly makes up an excuse to dash off and he shakes his head as he watches her leave quickly, although she manages to keep her dignity as she weaves through the crowd to get to the nearest tube. He looks around for someone else to have a chat with, but he suddenly doesn't feel like chatting anymore. He strolls towards a tube as well and wonders to himself if Anna would have liked Delenn. Anna was as stubborn and strong-willed as Delenn is. Would they have gotten along or would they have clashed? John sighs. It's a redundant question. If Anna had still been alive, they would probably never have met anyway. He can only hope now that she's smiling down on him and that she's happy for him that he is finding a way to move on.

* * *

 **To be continued - if anyone is interested?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Just to be clear about this story, it's not intended to change the arc of the relationship, just add to it. Like one reviewer said, it's nostalgia ... I'm just trying to capture the feeling of the show and the characters. (I may change a few details in existing scenes to fit this story though.) I hope the few people who still read B5 stories will like it!**

 _Setting of next scene: During season 2, episode 17 ("Knives"), when Dr Franklin puts John on medical leave, thinking he has either picked up a Markab virus or he is under too much stress._

* * *

"I want you to relax and enjoy yourself. That is an order."

John is in his quarters, taking off his uniform. Enjoy yourself, Stephen says and he finds his thoughts drifting to Delenn automatically. He enjoys her company and a small smile plays on his lips. He'd love to see her right now. He knows she'd be able to help him relax. The way she talks about the universe always helps him accept his own limitations just a little bit easier, and right now he feels frustratingly limited. On the one hand, Franklin says he's perfectly healthy physically, but on the other hand, he's experiencing some kind of phenomenon that's messing with his mind. He could use Delenn's reassurance right about now but she's probably busy, he tells himself. She's having a hard time convincing her own government to even notice what's been going on at the rim, let alone play any kind of role in what may be coming. His recent altercation with a few Minbari on the station, resulting in the death of one at his hand, hasn't exactly warmed the folks at Minbar up to the station, or him. And he wasn't popular with them to begin with. He's relieved that at least Delenn and her aide Lennier aren't holding any grudges. None that he can see, anyway. You never really know what a Minbari is thinking …

Nonetheless, he finds himself strolling towards Green sector a while later, already dressed for some batting practice, but his feet seem to want to take him to the Ambassadorial wing first. Most people don't recognize him out of uniform and he enjoys the temporary anonymity. Unsurprisingly, Delenn does recognize him, even from a distance. As he rounds the corner, entering the corridor where her quarters are, Delenn is just exiting her quarters with Lennier. He sees her face light up slightly and then a soft smile spreads across her face. He approaches the two Minbari, feeling slightly disappointed that they seem to be on their way out.

"Ambassador. Mr Lennier."

"Captain. You look … different today," Delenn remarks.

John reciprocates the formal little bow Lennier makes before responding to the Ambassador.

"Yes, I suppose I do. I was on my way to the rec centre to practice my batting."

"In that case, you seem to be making a detour."

John scratches his right cheek with his left index finger nervously and Delenn tilts her head to study the odd expression on his face. She tries to remember the funny human phrase she and Lennier have recently learned, wondering if this might be the face to go with those words. Lennier must have recognized it too and she can barely hide her amusement when her aide remarks dryly,

"Did we just catch you, as you say, with your hand in the cookie jar, Captain Sheridan?"

That elicits a hearty laugh from the Captain and Delenn feels her heart soar a little at the sound.

"Now where did you come up with that, Lennier?" he asks the younger man, still grinning.

"Well, from the look on your face, it seemed … appropriate," Lennier says cautiously. "Was I right?"

John rubs the back of his neck with his palm and glances at Delenn before answering Lennier,

"Well, uhm … I would hope not."

"Could you explain the expression to us, Captain?" Delenn asks him, eager to learn as always, even now, while they are a little pressed for time.

John clears his throat and tries for his neutral commanding officer face when he tells them,

"The expression means that someone is caught doing something they shouldn't be doing, like a child that is caught by his mother while trying to steal a cookie from the cookie jar. I'm not sure that really applies to my little uh … detour down this corridor though."

"Of course," Lennier acknowledges right away. "You are the Captain. You are allowed to go wherever you want to go."

"Right. So I do."

"Was there any particular reason for this detour?" Delenn asks, and the cheerful tone of her voice tells him she may have an idea about his reason to pop up in her part of space. No need to beat around the bush, he decides.

"Well, I was told by the doctor that I need to relax, and for some reason I decided to go and see you."

"Us?" Delenn asks innocently and the dancing lights in her eyes make his stomach flutter.

John catches Lennier _almost_ rolling his eyes, which would have been very uncharacteristic of the devout aide, who looks down at the floor immediately afterwards.

"Well, just you actually, Delenn," John admits after a beat. "But I assume you're busy as always."

"I am sorry to say that I am, Captain," she confirms, and she really does feel some regret that they are in a hurry. "We are meeting a delegation of our worker caste in the docking area. The worker caste rarely leaves Minbar, if ever, so it is a very special occasion that they have chosen to visit the station."

"Ah. Well, I mustn't hold you up then. Another time maybe?"

"Another time."

Both Minbari bow their heads and then start to leave. Just then, John experiences another weird flash like the one he'd had in C&C. He suddenly feels like he's falling into darkness at high speed and has to grab the railing along the wall to remain standing. Delenn hears his step falter and looks behind her.

"Captain!"

She rushes to his side and she and Lennier each grab one of his arms to hold him up. The strange sensation only lasts about ten seconds and once he finds his bearings again, John assures the two Minbari that he is alright now.

"Has this happened before?" Delenn inquires, concern written all over her face.

"Yes. I'm … I'm having these flashes of … something. It's the reason Doctor Franklin seems to think I need to relax," John explains. "There's nothing wrong with me physically though."

Delenn frowns but she knows that there is no point in telling the Captain to go back to medlab. He will not listen anyway.

"I'm just going to hit some balls and see what happens," he tells them. "If it happens again, I promise I'll go back to Dr Franklin."

His promise will have to do, but Delenn makes a mental note to check up on the Captain later in the day.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: the same episode, after John has returned from Sector 14 and Garibaldi, Franklin and Ivanova have left his quarters._

* * *

Delenn nears John's quarters just as his three officers come out, thanking him for the coffee and saying goodnight. They are all off duty and it is nice to see them out of uniform. As the trio walks off, Franklin seems especially excited and she hears him talk about possibly trying to connect with a new life form. They greet her in passing and Delenn walks up to John's door.

John hears his door chime, indicating another visitor. He has just pulled his sweater off over his head. He's tired and sighs before saying 'yes' loud enough for the door to recognize the command and open. When he sees who has come to see him, his fatigue seems to slide off of him instantly and he smiles.

"Ambassador."

"Captain. I wanted to see how you were doing. I heard you were on a little trip earlier?"

"I was. Come in, come in," he beckons her.

"Are you sure? I can come back at another time."

She gestures at him, aware that he is getting ready to retire for the night.

"No, it's fine," John assures her.

She hasn't seen him in a t-shirt before, only a dress shirt or his full uniform, and she finds herself distracted by the garment and his partially bare arms. The warm color of human skin still catches her by surprise at times, even if her own skin has a slightly warmer color these days. John tosses his sweater aside and straightens up, looking at her with a mixture of curiosity and kindness in his eyes.

"Please, sit," he tells her, gesturing at the couch.

He sits down next to her and adds, "I figured out what was wrong with me and I'm all better now."

"Are you sure? You seemed rather ... how do you say, unstable earlier."

He smiles at her carefully chosen words. She always does that, speak slowly and deliberately as if she's spent hours thinking of what to say before she speaks. Maybe that's why it's so easy to relax around her. With her, there is order and certainty. She understands what's going on at a higher level of sorts and it's reassuring.

"I was unstable earlier, but I managed to find the cause," he tells her.

He then explains what happened with the alien presence from sector 14, that had been trying to communicate with him because it wanted to go home, and how he was able to return it to the rift in Sector 14. Its home may be in a completely different time than theirs.

"With everything we think we know about the universe, it is still amazing to realize how much we still do not know," Delenn muses.

"Well, it's like you said isn't it? We are the universe, trying to figure itself out. I'm guessing we haven't even scratched the surface yet when it comes to figuring things out, including ourselves."

"True. Very true."

It delights Delenn that John has remembered her words from an earlier conversation and that he is incorporating them in his own thoughts and ways of looking at things. They may be as different in many ways as two people can be but he is as curious about things as she is, and equally eager to learn. That must be what attracts her to him so much. That, and his eyes. She finds herself having to look away when he stares at her for too long and when he offers her a drink, she declines.

"I should let you rest," she says, standing up.

John stands up as well and walks her to the door.

"Thank you for stopping by, Ambassador," he says, lightly touching her back.

"You are welcome, Captain. These are restless times. We need to look out for each other because there is much ahead of us."

"I know. And I would say that you are most welcome to look out for me again soon."

John holds the Ambassador's gaze for a few moments and he can feel a pull between them that he hopes she can feel as well. He hopes she would let him look out for her like she checks in on him from time to time, but she seems intent on doing everything on her own, Minbari style. She doesn't really share much of herself with anyone; he suspects that she doesn't even talk to Lennier. Still, he finds the courage to add gently,

"And I hope you will let me look out for you, Delenn."

She smiles shyly and looks away again like she always does.

"It is not the way of the religious caste," she admits.

"It's not the way of Earth Force either, but we can learn, right?"

Delenn finally lifts her eyes again to meet his and nods.

"We can learn."

* * *

 **To be continued. Meanwhile, I'd love to hear from you if you're reading this!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Setting of next scene: season 2, episode 18 ("Confessions and Lamentations"), during dinner. A few thoughts._

* * *

When John Sheridan got the invitation to attend a ritual Minbari dinner in Delenn's quarters, he had somehow looked forward to spending some time alone with the Ambassador. He should have known better. Mr Lennier is there too.

Now he honestly doesn't mind Delenn's aide but somehow he feels like he can't be spontaneous around the young man. He knows Lennier was raised in a monastery and it shows. Maybe Lennier, being as innocent as he is in many ways, confronts him with his own lack of innocence. In Minbari terms, John is from the warrior caste of his people. He's military. He has fought and killed and he is goal-oriented. Lennier on the other hand, has studied and prayed and he is contemplative. John sometimes even feels that the younger man has some disdain for him on some level, because he isn't as devout and spiritual as he and Delenn are.

He doesn't sense that from Delenn at all though. She's different and not just on the outside. She's got spunk. He can't think of a better word for it. She identifies as being from the religious caste of her people but he can clearly see the warrior in her, too. She has a deeply rooted drive to achieve things, just like him. He suspects that she may be less patient at times than she tries to appear and he likes it. It's even funny to draw out that side of her. But that's much easier when they are alone. In front of Lennier, she rarely breaks protocol.

She does enjoy explaining the ritual dinner to him, that's obvious to him. He tries not to be judgemental of other cultures and is willing to learn, but the slow pace does get to him at times. He isn't very good at sitting and doing nothing. And while he does see the meaning of most of the many ritual acts performed, he can't quite figure out the meditation parts of it yet. Just contemplating things without a specific goal in mind or a problem to solve, is hard for him.

Delenn had really looked forward to having the Captain over for this dinner. She wants to share more of her culture with him and while this particular dinner moves very slowly, she is excited about explaining it to him. And she wants to do right by Lennier as well, since he is the one who spent two days preparing the meal.

The Captain is trying, she can tell, but it is obvious that he is not very good at sitting still. She thinks it will be good for his mental balance to meditate more often but once she and Lennier realize that he has actually fallen asleep near the end of the meal, she knows she will need to accept that meditation is not really for him. Not yet, anyway. And sleep is good for his mental balance as well. He looks rather adorable, still sitting cross-legged at her low table but clearly in another world altogether and snoring softly. She knows Lennier is annoyed and she feels bad for her aide, but the Captain has really made an effort. She sees this and she can only hope Lennier will appreciate it too. John Sheridan is no Minbari, and on top of that, he isn't from the religious caste of his own people. They are different and will always be different, as they should be. The sooner Lennier accepts this, the easier it will be for him to accept that the Captain will be in her company more often from now on. She has a feeling that they will be working together more closely in the coming months to take a stand against the darkness that is coming. This was another reason she had wanted to have this dinner with the Captain, as preparation. It is a meal signifying a passage from one stage to the next and she had thought it was fitting to have it now. She can only hope they will both be ready when the time comes to take the places that she believes have been determined for them.

When the Captain is called away by Ivanova, she lets him leave. It looks like it will be another long night for him, so it is good that he has been able to relax. Lennier is not amused but she tells him not to complain. The goal of the dinner had not been to perform each step with perfection; just to create a greater understanding of each other in preparation of what lies before them. In her eyes, they have succeeded.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: same episode, next day. After the outbreak of the plague, Delenn wishes to give moral support to the Markab._

* * *

She cannot get that little girl out of her mind. She knows she has to do something but she needs the Captain's permission. If no cure is found for this plague, the entire Markab population may die within 24 hours. People are afraid to contract the disease and the Markab that haven't gone into the isolated zone, are being threatened and beaten up, or in hiding for fear of violence against them. Someone needs to show them compassion in their hour of need and she feels compelled to be that someone.

When she asks the Captain for permission to enter the zone with Lennier, he gets upset first. Almost angry, but she is adamant. She feels it is her duty to help, because they may all need help very soon if the virus can affect other species besides the Markab. He almost yells at her, telling her,

"If I let you into that isolation zone, I can't let you out again!"

She recognizes the reason for his anger in that instant. It is not that he does not wish to help. He is just concerned about her.

When Delenn tells him quietly that she knows she can't come out, the fight leaves him. He knows she has to do this. It's who she is, plain and simple. He wants to protect her but Delenn has always been able to take care of herself. She doesn't need him for that, and as frustrating as her independence is to him right now, he knows it's also why he cares for her so much; why he has begun to love her.

When he gets ready to call security on his link, she covers his hand with hers. She might as well have wrapped her arms around him, it affects him that much. Her words, expressing how she will accept whatever is in front of her, don't really reassure him this time. But he knows she needs to do this. When she reaches up and touches his face, the severity of the moment isn't lost on either of them.

"We all come together in the same place at the end of time," Delenn tells him. "If I don't see you again here, I will see you in a little while. In a place where no shadows fall."

She pulls back, suddenly unsure if she should have touched the Captain's face, and turns to leave but when he calls her name, she stops and turns to face him.

"Delenn?"

He pauses, his heart leaping in his throat, but he wants to say it. He wants to tell her.

"When I do see you again … call me John?"

She smiles, blinks, and then retreats in a hurry. If he wasn't so concerned for her well-being, he might have enjoyed knocking her off balance for once. Not now though. He is worried about the Markab, but what he wants the most right now, is just for her to be alright.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: same episode, many hours later. I wanted to see what came after that first embrace, didn't you?_

* * *

It's a grueling sight. Stephen has finally cracked the code of the Markab plague and knows how to fight it, but it's too late. When the door swings open and John, the Doctor and Ivanova step into the isolated zone with the serum, all they see are bodies. They're dead. All of them. An entire species.

Although Stephen has assured him that at this time, other species besides the Markab and Pak'ma'ra are not at risk, John is anxious to see Delenn. His heart breaks a little when he sees her. She seems weak and Lennier has to help her stand up from where she's been sitting among the dead. She clutches her aide's arm as they make their way towards them. He's never seen her as distraught as this. Even Lennier has been crying and Ivanova leads him out of the zone. Delenn stops in front of him and he reaches for her hands. She all but collapses against his chest and he just holds her. It's all he can do. He can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for her - and Lennier - to watch these people die all around them, one after the other. She's calling him John now but the despair in her voice when she does, cuts him like a knife.

He holds her for a long minute, until she starts to disentangle herself from his embrace. He doesn't let go though. He can't. Part of him is immensely relieved to see her again in good health but a bigger part of him is very worried for her state of mind. Lennier has left and John doesn't blame him. The young Minbari needs time to come to terms with what he's seen in his own way. As for Delenn, he doesn't want her to be alone right now.

Over Delenn's shoulder, he instructs Ivanova and Franklin to get some help in transferring all the bodies to the Markab transport they had salvaged a few days earlier. They can't simply space this many bodies and the transport is the only thing he can think of off the top of his head. Delenn tries to move away from him to let him work, but he holds on to her hand. She looks up at him, a question in her sad eyes and he squeezes her hand.

"Let me get you out of here," he says softly.

Delenn nods, her eyes now downcast and he feels her pain. John makes eye contact with Ivanova, who acknowledges his silent request.

"We've got this Captain. You go and take care of her."

"Thank you, Susan."

Ivanova gives him a curt nod but he can see she's affected by all this death as well, just like Franklin. He will talk to the Doctor soon, to let him know it's not his fault, but he wants to make sure Delenn will be alright first.

They walk in silence and even in the tube, John is still holding her hand. Delenn finds it strangely reassuring and lets him. Generally, Minbari do not touch each other in public and the urge she has felt to make contact with John has puzzled her a little. It must be her new human side coming out, she concludes, looking down at their joined hands. He clearly has no intention of letting go. It's a human thing, this need to touch.

She has touched a lot of the Markab though, to comfort them. She can't remember most of their names or even their faces now, except for a few, the most prominent one being the little girl. Shanal was her name and she will remember it for the rest of her life. She feels her throat constrict once more. This little girl had her whole life ahead of her when fate struck. It seemed so unfair.

It isn't until they step out of the tube that she realizes that John is not taking her to her own quarters. She looks up at him and he gives her half a smile.

"You shouldn't be alone right now, Delenn," he tells her. "I know you want to do everything on your own and you probably have a ritual to deal with things like this, but right now, you're coming with me."

Her defenses are down and she feels drained. Maybe there is something to be said for having someone else take the lead every once in a while. She enters John's quarters and sits down on his sofa when he invites her to sit. He then goes into his small kitchen and she watches him get something ready in a cup. She rubs her cold hands together between her knees and only now realizes that she is hungry. She hasn't eaten the whole night and day she spent with the dying Markab. It will help with her meditation later on, she decides. Fasting helps to purify mind and body.

John sits down next to her and hands her a stone cup of something white and warm.

"What is it?" she asks.

"Warm milk. My mother used to make it for me and my sister whenever we had trouble sleeping. I only have it here in dry form but diluted in just the right amount of warm water, it's just like the real thing."

"I do not wish to sleep right now," Delenn mutters.

"Just drink it, Delenn. It will help you relax."

"Milk, you say? From which animal?"

"From a cow."

"I am not sure I know what that is."

John raises an eyebrow and gives her a pointed look, as if telling her to stop talking and just drink, and she finally takes a sip of the warm liquid. It does not have much taste but once she feels the first few sips settle in her stomach, she has to admit it is relaxing.

John is relieved to see that Delenn is less upset than before now, although he knows she will be affected for a long time by what she's seen today. He places his arm behind the Minbari Ambassador on the backrest of his sofa and watches her drink the rest of her milk. And then she begins to talk, quietly. She tells him about things the Markab said to her and Lennier. Words of wisdom, of regret and of warning. Some had thanked them for being there and others had told them to leave. She understands. Being confronted with a species that was not affected by their plague, had not been easy for the Markab. They had been taught that the illness was a punishment from the gods after all, for immorality. But most had thanked them for their compassion and had asked them to remember them. And finally she tells him about Shanal. All the Markab had affected her, but Shanal the most of all. The little girl had died in her mother's arms, and then the mother had died in Delenn's arms.

While she puts into words what she's seen and how it affects her, John wraps his arm around her shoulders. She finally cries when she tells him about Shanal, who lived too short a life but who died safely in her own mother's arms, and her head now rests against his shoulder. He lets her cry, amazed that she is allowing herself to be so vulnerable with him. When she relaxes, her eyes closed and her head still resting against him, they just sit together until he thinks she's actually fallen asleep. He's afraid to move, not wanting to wake her up, and he has to resist the urge to kiss her temple. He knows she will be full of apologies once she wakes up, and will make a hasty exit that seems to become typical of her lately, but for now, he's just glad he can be here for her. Because no matter how strong she is and no matter how well she can take care of herself, in the end, everyone needs a shoulder to cry on from time to time. Even Minbari Ambassador Delenn of Mir.

* * *

 **To be continued. Your reviews are very much appreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Setting of next scene: during season 2, episode 19 ("Divided Loyalties"), after their cute talk at the newspaper recycler and near the end of their little chat in the garden. It doesn't add very much to that scene, but I need it in this story for future reference!_

* * *

She's bounced back quickly. She always bounces back quickly and he admires her for it. There may be something to her rituals and meditation after all, because it's taken him longer than her to come to terms with the extinction of an entire race. But she is focused again, reading Universe Today to stay informed as he has just found out, and working hard to provide aid to the Narns now that their world has been conquered by the Centauri. She meets him in the garden, asking to meet him tomorrow to discuss food shipments to Narn but he's preoccupied with the situation that Lyta has brought to his attention. One of his own most trusted crew members could be a traitor. Not knowingly, but still. Hell, it could even be him! Wouldn't that be a cruel twist of fate? He could lose everything, just when they're about to get ready to face this new threat coming their way. He doesn't want to bore Delenn with the details but without knowing what he's so preoccupied with, she manages to cheer him up anyway. How can she not know what a butt is? And how the hell should he explain that to her? Like she's just said, the folks on Minbar hadn't thought it appropriate for one of the religious caste to learn about the more colorful aspects of the English language. So wouldn't it be equally inappropriate for him to teach her? It might be fun but he doesn't know Delenn well enough yet to be sure she'd appreciate it. Still, 'life kicking you in the butt' isn't that strange an expression, is it? He decides not to make a big deal out of it and settles for telling her,

"Well, you're missing out on a lot."

"So I gather," Delenn says. Then, she starts trying to use the new word and it's hilarious.

"I butt, you butt, he or she butts …"

He has to stop her but it's too funny.

Delenn likes to make the Captain smile. She has an idea by now that she's using the word all wrong but she enjoys how funny John seems to think it is. Laughter is good for the soul and she is happy to help him with that. He is grinning when he tells her she sounds like a motor boat.

"Motor butt? I do not think I like the sound of that," she jokes.

"Well, I don't blame you. I'm against the whole idea!"

"Then we are in agreement?"

"Abso-fraggin-lutely."

She will need to look that word up later but for now, she smiles and concludes,

"Well, there you see."

"What?" John asks.

"Something has gone your way today. It's the way the universe works. Wait just a little while, and the wheel turns."

Once more, her hand finds his hand, resting on his knee. It is that part of her again that keeps wanting to reach out to him. When John looks at their hands and back up at her, she doesn't pull away. Not this time, she has decided. Not when he didn't pull away the last time they held hands.

As if on cue, John's link beeps underneath her hand. He will have to respond so she has no choice but to retract her hand after all. He is needed elsewhere on the station and she needs to let him go. After a slightly awkward silence, she manages to give him a sweet smile before saying goodbye and retreating. She's getting better at this, she thinks. At least she didn't flee the scene like a frightened bird this time. She doesn't want to run away from what she is feeling this time, and she knows it is something she will need to think about. Just as soon as she can get that wide grin off of her face.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: season 2, award-winning episode 21, "Comes the Inquisitor". Yikes …_

 _(I am going to assume that you who are reading this, remember the episode. I am taking just a few scenes from it and will expand them a little while condensing others.)_

* * *

A lot has happened in only a few days. They've lost Talia to the evil personality that the Psy Corps had implanted in her mind, but they were able to remove her from their midsts before she learned about their plans. Draal has aligned himself with them, placing Epsilon 3 and the Great Machine with all it's potential at his disposal. Since the Narn homeworld has fallen and is now under Centauri control, Babylon 5 has given G'Kar sanctuary. This will only increase tensions between Londo Mollari and the former Ambassador, who is now referred to as Citizen G'Kar. John's getting nervous about all these Nightwatch members among his security personnel, recruited by Earth to keep an eye on things on the station. And to top it all off, Delenn has introduced him to the Rangers, an elite force consisting of Humans and Minbari, who have been training vigorously and who are continuously on the lookout for any hostile activity on the rim and other sources of unrest in the galaxy. Delenn has transferred equal authority over the Rangers in their area of space to him and has vowed to stand by him in the days ahead, with the Rangers. All these developments have given John a new sense of urgency about the coming darkness she has been talking about. They are actually forming an Army of Light now.

And now this man is here to see Delenn. Sebastian.

He arrived in a Vorlon ship, which raises every single red flag John has. His brief conversation with the man hasn't exactly put his mind at ease. Delenn has asked him not to interfere, no matter what happens. He has secured an area in Grey 19 for them where they can be alone, but he's restless about it. He tries to go about his business as usual, but this man is in the back of his mind at all times. There's something off with him and he doesn't like it. He doesn't want him near Delenn at all but she herself has insisted that she needs to meet with this man, alone. Apparently, it's some kind of test by the Vorlons to be sure that Delenn is the right person for the job that lies ahead of them. John knows the Vorlons are important for the battle that is to come, but he doesn't trust them. No one he knows has ever even seen a Vorlon outside of those encounter suits they wear and even after two years on Babylon 5, Ambassador Kosh is still a mystery to all of them. John doesn't trust what he can't see, and he sure as hell doesn't trust this cold-eyed Human they have sent to talk to Delenn.

He manages to focus on business for a while and tries to help G'Kar in any way he can to maintain his position as the spokesperson of the Narns on Babylon 5. When John walks towards his quarters later in the day, he suddenly hears someone calling his name, and a very agitated Lennier comes running towards him.

"Captain! Captain Sheridan!"

"Mr Lennier, what can I do for you?"

"Defy Kosh," Lennier gasps, slightly out of breath. "You're the only one who can. You're the _only_ one he'll listen to!"

Before John can ask what this is about, Lennier explains.

"It's Ambassador Delenn … the … the inquisitor … I think he's killing her!"

John is on the move in an instant and makes his way to Grey 19 as fast as he can. If Lennier thinks the inquisitor is killing Delenn, it must be very bad.

After opening the large, round door, he sees Sebastian leaning over Delenn, who is lying on the floor in the middle of the room, crumpled and helpless. He doesn't know what's wrong with her but he knows he can't bear to see her like this.

"And the final player in our little drama arrives," Sebastian says solemnly, his back still turned to John.

"Leave her alone!" John orders, his PPG in hand and charged.

He wants the creep away from Delenn right now but suddenly he's hit against the wall by fire coming from the man's cane. The next thing he knows, he's tied up with manacles of some kind and being interrogated. Sebastian says he and Delenn are linked at the hip. That he's just as bad as she is. John has no idea what has been going on between Sebastian and Delenn. The inquisitor is asking him questions about all the people who are affected by the decisions he makes, and sends jolts of incredible pain through his body by waving his cane. John has no chance to say anything between the lashes of pain. The inquisitor must have already made up his mind about him. Is this what he's been doing to her, too?

And then Delenn cries out,

"Enough! Your quarrel is with me! You were sent to investigate me! Let him go. If you want to take someone, then take me!"

She has gotten back on her feet and stumbles towards both men slowly. John insists that she just leave. He desperately wants her out of there, no matter what this man does to him after that, but Sebastian has new questions for her.

She would trade her life for the Captain's? What about her destiny, he asks Delenn, taunting her. Is that destiny not worth one life? What about her great cause?

" _This_ is my cause!" Delenn screams. " _Life!_ One life or a billion, it's all the same!"

The inquisitor seems stunned. He is standing between two people who would willingly die alone to save one another. Whose sole motive is to protect, whether it be many or just one.

The inquisitor waves his cane and suddenly he is gone and so are their manacles. They don't know what happened but they fall into each others' arms, needing to make sure that they are both alright. Then, the door opens and they start to walk towards it, still holding each other tightly. Sebastian appears again outside the door and he finally concedes that they, both of them, have passed the test.

"How do you know the chosen ones?" Sebastian asks, then continues to answer his own question. "No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his friend. Not for millions, not for glory, not for fame... for one person. In the dark. Where no one will ever know or see. I've been in the service of the Vorlons for centuries, looking ... Diogenes with his lamp looking for a man willing to die for all the wrong reasons. At last, my job is finished. Yours is just beginning. When the darkness comes, know this: You _are_ the right people, in the right place, at the right time."

And then, he leaves them alone.

Delenn holds John a little tighter. She hadn't understood the test during the long hours that man was questioning her; torturing her; but she does now.

"What did he do to you, Delenn?" John asks her softly, and his tender voice is like music to her ears.

His arms are still around her and she feels strangely safe now. It's a stark contrast to the long hours she's spent in this barren room, alone, cold and in the dark, both literally and figuratively.

"It does not matter now," she tells him but John doesn't give up that easily.

"Yes, it does," he insists. "I'm taking you to Medlab and after you've been checked out, I'm taking you home. If he did _anything_ I can charge him with, you need to tell me and I'll do it!"

He is slightly agitated again and she finds it endearing. She knows now that he gets that way when he is concerned about her. She does feel weak physically but she suspects that the manacles have not actually damaged her system. They have only given her pain. Still, it may not be a bad idea to have Dr. Franklin check her out. And John too. He doesn't think it's necessary because he was only interrogated for a few minutes, but he will humor her as long as she is checked out too.

Stephen Franklin is a little shocked when he sees Delenn so disheveled but she does not wish to talk much about what has happened to her. The doctor recommends food and rest and lots of liquids.

"If you can, take a few days off," he adds.

John chuckles next to her and she pokes him in the ribs gently with her elbow. He knows she won't take time off. It is not in her nature and he's exactly the same, so he can't blame her.

"I'll see to it that she takes at least the night off," John promises and Delenn sighs demonstratively.

"It's good advice, Ambassador," Dr. Franklin assures her.

"I know. Thank you, Doctor," she tells him, smiling.

"Okay, let's go," John says decisively and he holds out his arm. "The doc orders rest, food and liquids. Now the resting part is up to you, but I'm taking care of the nutrition part."

Delenn takes a breath to respond but John cuts her off.

"And I'm not taking no for an answer. Doctor's orders."

She finally gives up and loops her arm through his. She will not admit it easily, but the extra support is welcome for now. She still feels weak and her legs are wobbly. If John notices, he doesn't say anything and she is grateful.

Back in her quarters, John makes sure she drinks enough and while she attempts to fix her messy hair in her bedroom, he orders something called pizza to be delivered to them. She likes it. They sit at her high table across from each other and once she has finished a slice, John finally asks her,

"Tell me what he did to you, Delenn."

She starts shaking her head even before he has finished asking the question.

"You heard him, John. We passed the test when he was convinced we aren't just having delusions of grandeur. I did not know that was what he was after. That must be why it took so long. But it is done now."

"Did he hurt you?" John insists. "Like what he did to me?"

"Yes," she says quietly. "Every time I gave a wrong answer."

"And how many times was that?"

Delenn takes a deep breath and breathes out slowly. She wants to forget about the whole thing and look forward, not back.

"It does not matter."

"It matters to me!" John says vehemently. "By God Delenn, if he touched you …"

"He never touched me. Just through the pain givers."

John can tell that Delenn is trying to shut him down, but he doesn't want her to go through everything on her own. She needs to talk about these things, to share her feelings with someone. And he wants to be that someone. Not Lennier or anyone else. Him. He wonders if he's being selfish, pushing her to talk. If it's just because he wants her to start relying on him, if only for a small part. Just when he thinks that maybe he should stop pushing, Delenn speaks again.

"Every answer was wrong."

She picks up a second slice of pizza and takes a bite. John lets the meaning of her words sink in. Every answer was wrong so the guy must have been hurting her the whole day. No wonder Lennier thought he was killing her.

"I did not understand the test, so how could I pass it?" she adds.

"He never explained what he was after?" John asks.

Delenn shakes her head.

"No. All he did was question my motives. His goal was simply to make me admit that I was somehow wrong."

"About what?"

"Everything."

John reaches out to her then and wraps his fingers around her free wrist.

"That must have been hell."

"Yes."

"I want to charge that … _man_ with assault," he says, and Delenn can tell that he is trying to contain his anger.

"Please don't," she asks him. She puts her slice of pizza down and covers his hand, that is still holding her wrist, with her own. "I could have taken the manacles off at any time. I underwent this inquisition willingly."

"To appease Kosh," John spits. "What's the big deal with him, anyway!"

"John. The Vorlons are crucial in the battle that is ahead of us," Delenn cautions him. "We cannot have them doubting us."

"Yeah well … I can't have them torturing you either."

Delenn smiles and looks down at their joined hands. She caresses the back of his hand and glances up at him.

"I am touched by your concern for my well-being, Captain. But there are bigger things to worry about than our own lives. That was the whole point of this inquisition."

"You're no better than I am. You know that, right?" John asks her, and his words surprise her very much.

"What do you mean?"

John rubs the inside of her wrist gently with his thumb.

"You were ready to die out there and throw it all away … for me."

His last words are soft, almost reverent, and Delenn has to look away. He is right and even though that very decision had made her pass the test, she has to wonder if it had been her innate drive to save _any_ life that had made her make that choice, of if there had been another element to it. An element that she sees reflected in the Captain's eyes very clearly right now. The inquisitor had spoken of love and they had both remained silent. It was an unspoken truth between them and she did not know what to say. She knows she would have said and done the same thing if Sebastian had held someone else captive, because life truly is her cause. Always has been, always will be. But for John, it would not have been difficult at all to give herself up. Maybe that is because he is so much like her, despite all their differences.

"You would have done the same thing for me," she says quietly.

"Yes. I would have."

They are silent then, both very much aware of what is growing between them but unable, or maybe afraid, to put it into words just yet. John isn't sure if he should ever say anything about it. Maybe it's better not to, because they have no idea if they're even going to make it out alive once the ancient enemy returns. He smiles inwardly. Ancient enemy. He's even beginning to think like she talks now.

When they finally finish their pizza and he has made sure she has another drink, he leaves her so she can rest. She promises him she will try to sleep and he will just have to take her word for it. He can't very well stay to check on her, can he?

John smiles when he turns to face her at her door and she can see his hesitation. He does not seem to want to leave. And she finds that maybe she does not really want him to leave either. Once he is gone and her door has closed, she closes her eyes and shakes her head. They need to stay focused on the task ahead. They do not need this distraction right now. And yet, when she is finally in her bed, she remembers what it had felt like to have his arms wrapped around her and she finds herself smiling again.

* * *

 **To be continued.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Setting of next 2 scenes: season 3, episode 1 ("Matters of Honor"), with some lines from the season 2 episode "In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum" added in as necessary background information._

* * *

It never ends.

On top of the stress about the upcoming war against the darkness, it seems that Earth Gov is drifting further and further away from the ideals Earth once stood for. It makes the command staff restless, including the Captain. Earth has signed a non-aggression treaty with the Centauri and helping the Narns is not on the list of things to do. After taking down a Centauri ship against Earth's orders to protect the last of the Narn war cruisers, and narrowly surviving a bombing afterwards, John feels that he needs some solid ground beneath his feet. Regardless of what he's thought of Ambassador Kosh before, he is very grateful that the alien has saved his life. Kosh had emerged from his encounter suit for the first time, and had caught him before he could fall to his death after his transport tube was blown up. He meets with Kosh in the garden to thank him properly. It was a big risk to take, but Kosh simply states,

"It was necessary."

So much for finding solid ground. Everyone who was there saw an apparition of their own deity and no one but he and Delenn even knows it was Kosh - aside from Lyta of course. He is as mysterious as ever.

Keffer's unauthorized search in hyperspace for an unknown ship has resulted in the first recording of a Shadow vessel, and and Earth Gov representative visits Babylon 5 to ask questions about it. The Army of Light now knows what the ancient enemy looks like but they can't let on that they know what it is yet, because they need more time to prepare for the eventual confrontation. And so they don't tell the Earth Gov official what they know. It's a dangerous game to play, but Delenn is right. They need more time, and as long as the Shadows think nobody knows who they are or what they're up to, they have time to prepare their forces.

And now, she presents him with a brand new ship. The White Star.

The name feels ironic, since he was the one who took down the Minbari flag ship, the unbeatable Black Star, during the Earth-Minbari war. But the White Star is amazing. It's a hybrid between Minbari and Vorlon technology, of medium size but with superb speed and the ability to create its own jump point. This may be just what they need to fight these Shadows and he's excited to have a chance to take the offensive for a change. To act instead of just react. A training facility of the Rangers on a small Drazi colony is under siege and they are heading out with the White Star to take out the Centauri blockade so the Rangers can get away before they are invaded and killed. Among his crew are Marcus, Ivanova, Lennier and Delenn as well as the Minbari who were trained to run the ship.

He watches Delenn as she explains the basic controls of the ship to him and it's clear that she has her fighting spirit back. He thinks it's charming how she suddenly mixes up English and Minbari, something she normally never does. But she's in her own surroundings now and the Minbari names and phrases that go with it, bubble to the surface automatically. He realizes that it must be hard for her sometimes to speak in another language for days on end. Part of him wishes he could speak some Minbari and he makes a mental note to ask Marcus if there's a digital course he can take in his spare time. It would be nice if they could express some of the things they'd like to tell each other in a way she is most familiar with.

When they arrive at the colony on Zagros 7, John takes his place in the Captain's chair. It suits him, Delenn thinks and the inquisitor's words echo in her mind again, like they have many times these past weeks. You are the right people in the right place. She can only hope that what they are doing is at the right time, because no one had expected to suddenly be faced with a Shadow vessel. They are not ready for this, she states. When the Shadow ship fires on them but misses, she realizes that it doesn't know who or what they are, and probably wants to capture them instead of destroy them. John is undeterred, and they continue blowing up Centauri mines until the Rangers on the planet get a window to escape without being shot down, with the Shadow vessel on their tail. Delenn finds herself feeling fear. She does not understand what John is planning, luring the Shadow vessel after them into hyperspace. She insists that they do not have enough firepower and cannot hope to destroy a ship like that alone. John tells her,

"With all due respect, Ambassador. I've heard that before."

Delenn chooses to use John's determination as an anchor, even if she does not understand what he is planning. But when he mentions opening a jump point inside a jump gate, she is concerned once more. Ivanova says that the Humans call it the bonehead maneuver, whatever that means, and Lennier is not certain the White Star is fast enough to clear the area once the gate blows. And still, John wants to forge ahead. She must trust him, even against her better judgement. They don't really have a choice now.

When they arrive at the jump gate that used to lead to the Markab homeworld, and is now expendable as John calls it, he asks her,

"Are you ready?"

She answers him truthfully.

"No. But you may proceed anyway."

He smiles at her, appreciating the way she trusts him, and then executes his plan to destroy the jump gate and blow up the Shadow vessel in the process. And it works! The White Star suffers some damage and they're all knocked off their feet, but they actually make it.

Delenn rushes to Lennier's side immediately and John feels a slight pang of jealousy when he sees her holding the younger man's hand. He focuses on the rest of the crew quickly but can't help wondering about those two, and what kind of relationship they actually have.

* * *

John and Delenn have called the others together. Ivanova, Garibaldi, Franklin and Marcus. John tells them that they want everyone on board now and that he and Delenn will share all the information they have about what has been going on. From now on, they will form a war council, together with the Rangers, currently represented by Marcus. And since Delenn explains it best, John lets her fill in the blanks for his staff, so they will know who the Shadows are.

 _"There are beings in the universe, billions of years older than any of our races. Once, long ago, they walked among the stars like giants. Vast and timeless, they taught all the younger races to explore and create great empires. But to all things, there is an end. Slowly, the First Ones explored beyond the rim, never to return. Some simply disappeared, but not all of the First Ones have gone away. A few stayed behind, watching and waiting for the day when they may be needed. When the Shadows come again. We have no other name for them. The Shadows were old when even the Ancients were young. They battled each other over and over across a million years. The last great war against the Shadows was 10,000 years ago. It was the last time the Ancients walked openly among us. But the Shadows were only defeated, not destroyed. A thousand years ago, the Shadows returned to their places of power, rebuilt them, and began to stretch forth their hand. Before they could strike, they were defeated by an alliance of worlds including the Minbari and the few remaining First Ones who have not yet passed beyond the veil. When it was over, the First Ones left. All but one. The Vorlons."_

She goes on to explain that the homeworld of the Shadows, Z'ha'dum, was disturbed by a Human exploration ship, and that among others, Anna Sheridan was on that mission. The others exchange grave looks with each other and glance at John, but he is gradually getting used to the idea. They didn't know. They can't blame the people who went to Z'ha'dum for an archaeological dig for waking up the Shadows, and he has started to accept the death of his wife. Delenn has been a big part of that process and when he sees a trace of sadness in her eyes, he wonders what she's thinking.

After the meeting, he asks her to walk with him. He isn't sure how to ask her about what he saw, but it's as if she already knows.

"Is it difficult for you to hear her name mentioned as a part of history?" Delenn asks him.

"Yes and no," he replies and Delenn looks at him, wondering what he means by that.

She finds it incredibly difficult to still be keeping information from him but they cannot risk it. Not now. They are not ready yet to go to Z'ha'dum. But John seems to be finding peace about Anna's death and she wants to know how he is managing that, and if it will be enough.

"It's hard to know that she walked into a death trap," John explains. "I mean, they never had a chance, did they? Only the ones who joined the Shadows, like this Morden character, but Anna would never have joined them. And that makes me proud at the same time. Does that make sense to you?"

"It does."

From what John has told them about his wife, she knows it is likely that Anna would have refused to work for the Shadows willingly. But unwillingly? She cannot tell him. Not now. Maybe never. It will be better for him not to know.

"I'm finally moving on, Delenn. We have work to do and I can't keep dwelling on the past. Yes, I miss her. More than I can put into words. And I'll always love her. But I know she would want me to pick myself up again and keep going. And I think she would be pleased to know I have found someone to help me do that."

The look in his eyes is the softest she has ever seen and she feels that awkward warmth spread across her cheeks again. It is a good thing that they are walking, so she does not have to look at him. She feels very conflicted about still withholding information about his wife's expedition from him, while developing feelings for him herself. It is safe by now to assume Anna is dead, but still …

John interprets Delenn's silence as his cue to stop babbling. Maybe she isn't actually interested in him that way. He's seen her with Lennier. Maybe she's that way with everyone she cares about. How would he even know? She's Minbari. He doesn't have a clue how things like this work for Minbari. Maybe he should just forget about the whole thing.

* * *

 **To be continued - if anyone is interested?**


	6. Chapter 6

_Setting of next scene: during episode 2 ("Convictions"). Rewriting a small part of it because I can :)_

* * *

There is a bomber on the station and Lennier has been caught in the second blast. John is pissed. He won't have his station terrorized like this. People have been killed already and as long as this bomber is on the loose, nobody feels safe. He decides to visit Medlab, knowing Delenn will probably be there to keep track of how Lennier is doing. The young Minbari is in a coma after saving the life of Centauri Ambassador Londo Mollari. Londo is very grateful and has spent most of the day at Lennier's bedside. He has left now and John watches the aide to the Ambassador of Minbar for a while. When he hears a door open behind him, he somehow knows she's here.

Delenn stands next to him and they both watch Lennier's still form through the glass for another minute before she speaks.

"He has been like this ever since he was brought in."

"I'm sorry, Delenn. I have my people working around the clock to find the bomber. We won't rest until he's caught."

"Thank you."

"With everything that's going on we figured it might be a political action, but I'm doubting it now. The Centauri blame the Narns and the Narns blame the Centauri as usual, but it doesn't make sense. The attacks seem so random."

"Random acts of cruelty. I will never understand," Delenn sighs.

Just then, Garibaldi pages him. They have figured out who the bomber is and are taking a tac team to his quarters.

"Maybe now we'll find out why," John tells Delenn, before he rushes off to join Garibaldi. He has a few words to say to this terrorist.

Delenn watches him leave, off to save the day again. He will never let his subordinates do his fighting without him. He is not that kind of a leader. He is a leader after her own heart, always fighting for life above all. Not just the lives of his own people, like most races do. No, he fights for Humans and aliens alike. The current Earth government seems to think that they should be putting Humans first and get rid of alien influences, but she knows John will never go along with that. All life is sacred to him as it is to her, not just that of their own kind.

She turns to look at Lennier again. Gentle, soft-spoken Lennier. His character could not be more different from John's but he, too, fights for life. He is in here, in a coma, because he even considered the life of Londo Mollari worth saving. Lennier is a man after her own heart as well. He is a follower, not a leader but he will fight when he has to. He would follow her into the fire, always, and she loves him for it.

A while later when she is in her quarters, Delenn hears from Ivanova that the bomber has been caught. Naturally, John had been the one to go in, unarmed, to confront the disgruntled employee. It's so senseless what that man has done and because of it, her beloved aide is still lying in a coma.

She decides to find the Captain and catches him on his way to Medlab.

"How is Lennier?" he asks as soon as he spots her, and they continue walking together.

"Still no change. But I hear you caught the man who did it."

"We did. The cleanup crews are still working hard to clear out the mess he's made, but things should go back to normal soon."

"Did you find out the reason behind the bombings?" Delenn asks.

She has a need to try and grasp what drives people to commit such acts of terror, even if she may never fully understand it. John sighs and stops for a moment to turn to her.

"Would you believe that all that motivated him was the fact that he's had a crummy life?"

"That cannot be all!" Delenn gasps.

"I'm afraid it is, Delenn. His life sucks so the rest of the galaxy had to pay."

"Incomprehensible."

"Raha nee'dul," John responds, and she is most surprised.

"You know Minbari?" she asks him.

"I'm trying to learn a few words," John admits with a shy smile.

It makes her feel happy inside to know that John is making an effort to learn her language. Somehow, she had not expected it and she wonders what made him decide to try. She does not ask though. Instead, she tells him she would be happy to teach him a few phrases too.

"No, thank you Delenn. I'd like to do this on my own," he tells her, and perhaps she should have known he would say that.

They continue walking and she remarks,

"Just like you had to go in alone to confront that bomber?"

"He asked for me," John says defensively.

"Of course he did. But you did not have to do it."

"There was a team right outside and I had my link. I stuffed it down my eh ... "

He gestures behind him and Delenn makes an "o" with her mouth without saying anything.

"It went fine until I sat on the damned thing," he adds with a chuckle.

"But still. He could have shot you on sight. Like you say, he had no real reason to do what he was doing."

"Would _you_ have sent in someone else?" John asks her as they enter Medlab.

She knows he has just disarmed her and she makes a slight roll with her eyes. John chuckles again and she likes the sound of it. When they approach Lennier, they both turn serious again. Dr. Franklin is with him and tells them that as far as he can tell, there has been no change in Lennier's condition.

They chat for a minute and Dr. Franklin expresses his relief that the bomber hadn't been a Centauri. John agrees that that would have caused even more unrest. At least now, they can write it off as the actions of a loner. And then, as if on cue, Lennier begins to wake up. John sees Delenn's face light up and she rushes to Lennier's side. She talks softly to him and touches his face, and again, John feels this pang of jealousy in his gut. He clenches his jaw and tries to just be happy for the two of them, but he decides to retreat quietly, leaving the three people in Lennier's room to chat. They seem to be having fun, the patient, the Doctor and the Ambassador. The bomber has been caught and Lennier will be alright. What more could he want? What more could he want indeed …

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: season 3, episode 5 ("Voices of Authority") - Delenn hears about John's meeting with the new political officer to Babylon 5 … :))_

* * *

Lennier is on the mend and like John had predicted, things have gone back to normal on the station. But now, John has missed his appointment with Draal, sending Ivanova down to the planet instead. Delenn has been trying to figure out what could possibly be that important, that he would miss such a vital appointment. While she agrees that Susan Ivanova can be trusted to handle things well on John's behalf, she knows it is not like him to leave things to others. Especially when he was personally invited by Draal to see if they could find some of the First Ones who may have stayed behind just like the Shadows and the Vorlons. Having more First Ones on their side would make a big difference in the coming war against the Shadows.

And now she finds out that he was having dinner with a woman.

She does not know how to feel about that. Lennier has informed her that this woman was sent by Earth's Ministry of Peace to be their political officer to Babylon 5 from now on. She will be the personal adviser to the Captain on behalf of the government. Now as much as Delenn understands that it is important to maintain good relations with Earth while the political climate on Earth is morphing into something very hostile towards alien influences under president Clark, she had not expected that this would entail wining and dining this person. This female person. This … attractive person. And now Lennier tells her that John has taken the woman back to his quarters with him. Her aide had almost smirked when he said it.

She is alone now, standing in front of her mirror, looking at her own reflection. What is she, exactly? A Minbari with hair? Or a Human with a bone crest? There have been more changes to her body, both on the inside and the outside, but nobody aside from Dr. Franklin knows this, nor do they need to. So what is she? She knows her heart is still wholly Minbari but she cannot help wondering what John sees when he looks at her. Could someone with a bone crest growing from their head ever be appealing to him?

She had studied the Humans at length when Dukhat had first mentioned them, and she knows that many Humans are not very thoughtful when it comes to relationships and intimacy. They tend not to follow the calling of their hearts - at least not at first - but to follow the calling of their bodies instead. She has compared them to the Minbari warrior caste on occasion, who are far more weary of reflection and rituals and more prone to follow their passionate nature and live for the thrill of the moment.

She knows John is a warrior too, but somehow she had thought he was different. More aware of the bigger picture and less susceptible to temporary, superficial pleasure. Perhaps she had thought wrong.

* * *

The Captain is his usual, slightly angry self the next morning and it pleases Delenn that he seems very annoyed by the presence of the new political officer. He feels like a Nightwatch spy has been dumped in his lap and while Delenn tries not to visualise that particular expression, she still cannot resist probing him a little.

"So I take it your evening with Ms Musante did not go well?"

John seems stunned by the question.

"My evening with … what have you heard about that?"

They are alone in the conference room where Delenn has met up with the Captain after his morning staff briefing. He seems nervous suddenly and now she wonders even more about him and this woman.

"Just that she was important enough to miss your appointment with Draal for," Delenn remarks dryly.

"I had to! She knew there was nothing on my calendar and I couldn't very well tell her about Draal, now could I?"

Somehow she feels that John is being too defensive. He even seems a little flustered.

"No, of course not," she admits. "And besides, you can do whatever you want with your time. I am sure Ivanova was an excellent replacement."

"She was actually. You wouldn't believe what she's found," John says excitedly, but then he stops. Nobody besides him knows that the Commander is a latent telepath and Susan has sworn him to secrecy about it. But if she hadn't been telepathic, she would not have been able to pick up that transmission from the past when she was inside the Great Machine, giving them solid proof that Earth President Clark had his predecessor Santiago assassinated. The explosion had not been an accident, and the information is en route to General Hague as they speak.

"What did she find?" Delenn asks.

He decides to tell her, downplaying it a little as if anyone could have found it with the help of the machine, and he thinks Delenn is buying it. If Minbari can lie to protect someone's honor, he can omit something to protect someone's secret, right?

"That is amazing and terrifying at the same time, is it not?" Delenn asks. "You were afraid of foul play all along and now you know."

"Yeah."

John rubs his chin. He's felt uneasy about the developments back home ever since President Santiago's death, and the way this Julie Musante speaks, has only confirmed his fears. The propaganda machine is in full swing.

"This woman," he says, looking at Delenn again.

"What about her?"

"She doesn't make sense at all. The things she says, they make my skin crawl."

"And you had to spend an entire evening with her," Delenn remarks, and he swears she's teasing him a little.

"Not voluntarily, Delenn. I assure you."

"If you say so."

She is turning away from him towards the window and he wonders if she's still joking.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks her, and he knows he's a little too defensive right now, but that's because he doesn't know how much Delenn knows about what happened last night.

"I hear Ms Musante was in your quarters late at night."

Delenn feels her heart beating a little faster as she stares out of the window of the conference room, pretending to admire the view of the gardens. She surprises herself, steering the conversation back to this woman, but she cannot help it. Not this time. What is this gnawing she is feeling inside her? Could this be what jealousy feels like?

"Who told you that?" she hears the Captain ask and she turns to face him.

This time, he does look like he has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar!

"Does it matter? Clearly, my information is correct," she answers, and she cannot suppress a small smile.

John nods curtly, and stands next to her, his hands clasped together behind his back, to look at the garden as well.

"So, do you think you will be able to work with Ms Musante?" Delenn asks.

"After last night? I highly doubt it."

He glances at Delenn and can see her thinking. Does she know what happened in his quarters? But how could she know? Ivanova wouldn't have told her. Would she? He remembers back when Delenn had just undergone her transformation, that she'd asked the Commander to help her with her hair and skin and other human things she had been getting used to. All that girl stuff must have created a bond between both women, so who knows what they gossip about when he's not around. He hopes Susan knows that he didn't actually do anything, aside from kissing the woman to distract her when Susan suddenly appeared in his quarters as a hologram from the Great Machine.

Delenn doesn't say anything and he wonders what she's thinking. When she starts to turn away, apparently to leave, he stops her. He can't help it that he feels the needs to explain it to her.

"Delenn, before you go … you do know I didn't _want_ her to take her clothes off, right? I mean, she just did it and I was shocked. That's not the way I do things. You … you know that, right?"

Delenn is genuinely stunned. She can hardly process what John is telling her.

"Take her clothes off?" she repeats slowly, staring at him.

John curses inwardly. She _hadn't_ known. Him and his big mouth! Now he'll have to explain further.

"Yeah. I guess she thought she could charm her way in but that's not the way I do business."

He stresses his words with firm hand gestures, so she will know he is absolutely serious. Delenn seems to recuperate from her initial shock quite quickly and he thinks he even detects a little smirk when she asks him,

"So you did not find her attractive?"

He has to think fast because this is a touchy subject between them, for him at least. He's been trying to keep his distance because of Lennier, but it hasn't changed his feelings for her just yet. He's relieved that he can tell her truthfully,

"I'm not really into blondes, actually."

Delenn tilts her head, absorbing his words, and he sees a realization dawn in her eyes just before she averts them.

"I did not know hair color was a factor in these matters," she says quietly.

Well, of course she wouldn't. Regular Minbari don't have hair. But she does and he thinks it's beautiful. Long and dark, and she couldn't look more different than other Minbari because of it. He stands a little closer to her and watches her profile as she keeps her eyes on the gardens when he tells her,

"Well, it is for me. Personally, I like dark hair. Always have."

His words hang between them for a few seconds before Delenn remarks,

"Your sister is a blonde."

"Yes. My mother too. But they're my sister and my mother," John states as if that's an explanation in itself. And in a way, it is. There's no physical attraction or romance there. Just love of family.

"Of course," Delenn says.

John thinks it's funny how she's avoiding making eye contact with him now. She does that, he's noticed, almost like she's ashamed of something at times. But he thought it had gotten better with him. He doesn't want her to feel uneasy around him. Well, maybe just a little, when he's flirting with her, to throw her off. It's not like he started it. She held his hand in the garden. Maybe there's something there after all. When Delenn smiles at him and then tells him she should let him get back to work, he lets her go.

Delenn walks out of the conference room and once she is out of sight, she stops to touch her hair and look at one of her long locks. She has dark hair and he likes dark hair. Maybe he does see a female when he looks at her, and not just an alien. She knows she feels less uneasy about this blonde woman now, and that has to mean something.

Her day gets even better when the news breaks on Earth about the recording Ivanova had found with the Great Machine, proving that now President Clark was behind the death of President Santiago. Ms Musante is recalled to earth to help deal with the ensuing governmental crisis and the entire staff is very relieved to be rid of her for now.

* * *

 **To be continued.**

 **A shoutout to my most faithful reviewer Hellyer1977 and welcome to new guest reader Judy. Do spread the word. I know this fandom is tiny compared to the other one I'm writing for, but I love getting reviews!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Setting of next scene: season 3, episode 8 ("Messages from Earth"). John and Delenn talk after Dr. Kirkish's shocking report to the war council. I want to know what they talked about after he asked her to stay, so I decided to write it myself. I think it makes sense to have him gradually realize what may have happened to his wife ..._

* * *

"If Earth and the Psy Corps really are working with the Shadows … this is too big. How can we fight something like that?"

John takes a deep breath after Stephen's question and his voice breaks when he says,

"I need to … think about this for a while. Alone. I'll call you when I have something to say."

The others all stand up and then he addresses her.

"Delenn. Stay. I'm gonna need you for this."

Of course, she stays.

She understands how shocked they all are after what Dr. Kirkish has revealed to them. Earth has known about the Shadows for at least seven years and anyone who knew about it has been under great pressure not to talk about it. Several have already been killed and Dr. Kirkish has risked her life to get to Babylon 5. She has only succeeded with the help of the Rangers and now Lennier will make sure she gets to Minbari space safely before she is killed after all.

Earth's recent inquiries about the recording of the 'unknown' ship had most likely not been to find out what it was, but to find out who else knows about them. Delenn is relieved that they had the wisdom back then not to say anything about what they know.

And now, Earth explorers have found another Shadow ship on Ganymede and the government wants to take it home and study it to learn how to use it against other races, and even their enemies at home! John is justifiably shocked and she understands the turmoil he must be in. There is no way he will go along with his own government on this.

She waits for John to speak after the others have left to process what they have learned in their own way. It takes him a long time to gather his thoughts. Finally, he asks her,

"Delenn, you and Kosh know more about the Shadows than anyone else. Tell me honestly, do you think Earth Gov understands what they're getting into?"

"Absolutely not."

Her answer is firm because it is how she feels about it. Anyone who knows only a few things about how the Shadows operate, would run the other way as fast as they could.

"But seven years …"

John stands up and starts pacing.

"They've known about these things for seven years. How come nobody else noticed? And how come there have been no major incidents with them? From what you've told me, the Shadows are extremely violent and they don't take hostages."

"They must be preparing their forces in complete secrecy, not unlike what we are doing," Delenn reminds him. "And they are known to work with allies. They have done it before, to get the other races to start fighting each other. So obviously, they are capable of holding back and of strategic planning."

"From what Dr. Kirkish told us, these things are absolutely frightening. I don't get how they can even begin to think this is a good idea."

Delenn stands too but John is too restless to stand still and continues pacing.

"They can't get their hands on Shadow technology! It's too dangerous and the Shadows won't give it away for free!"

"I agree," Delenn says. "They are not a race you would want to be indebted to. As you say, they do not take hostages. You either work with them or die."

"Just like Anna," John says softly and Delenn does not respond.

"One thing puzzles me though," John continues. "What Dr. Kirkish told us about the Shadow vessel that's probably been buried on Mars for a thousand years. You said their technology is organic, right? So how did it survive? Did it hibernate or something? She said that when the second ship had dug the first one out completely, they heard the sound of something terrible being born. That sounds to me like a new life force was injected into it. Do you think they can revive each other after being shot down?"

Delenn frowns but she knows she needs to tell him more about what she knows.

"Not each other," she tells John. "A Shadow ship needs a living being to merge with it to become fully functional. The person that is placed inside, becomes the central processing unit of the ship. It is likely that the person does die after some time, but unless a ship is damaged beyond repair, it will remain, until a new living processing unit is put in."

"My God," John sighs. "It's even worse than I thought. How do these people live with themselves after they've been on a killing spree?"

"They don't," Delenn says firmly. "Once they merge with the ship, they are gone. The ship assimilates them completely and they cannot come out again."

It is a half-truth but it will have to do for now, she thinks.

"Then who would volunteer to go in!" John huffs.

She does not avert her eyes when she tells him,

"Nobody."

John swallows hard. If what Delenn is saying is true, that means that each Shadow vessel only flies because someone was forced to go inside. Every ship is one death sentence, maybe even several, since the ships can obviously be revived after a thousand years. They must have put a fresh body into the one they dug up on Mars.

"Earth can't get their hands on that ship."

He has finally stopped pacing. His mind is made up.

"What can we do?" Delenn asks.

"We're gonna blow it up."

"What?"

"Delenn, it's the only way. I _have_ to go against my own government on this. That kind of power in the hands of Clark could be the end of everything we've worked for. We can take the White Star out and destroy that thing before they put someone inside. They'll never know it was us!"

"Who will you send to Ganymede?"

"I'll do it myself. I can't ask the others to go against our own people."

"I will go with you."

John's face finally relaxes a little and he stands closer to the Ambassador. He reaches for her hands and squeezes them.

"Thank you, Delenn. It means a lot to me to have your support."

"I told you I stand with you, Captain. Those were not just words."

She smiles at him and he feels the corners of his mouth tug up slightly.

"I know."

"I will contact the White Star and let you know when they are ready to go."

John nods and she squeezes his hands in return before leaving him alone with his thoughts. He wanders off to the observation dome and stares out at the stars, thinking about what he's about to do. He's going to go against his own government. He's been wondering what his uniform stands for these days, and now he doesn't have a clue anymore. He thinks if he didn't have Delenn and the Rangers and even Kosh in his corner right now, he'd be completely lost. He looks down at the Earth Alliance insignia on his jacket and slowly takes it off. How can he still wear it now, when he doesn't even know what Earth stands for anymore?

Delenn returns and tells him that it's done. She has sent Lennier ahead to make the arrangements. All that is left now is to inform the others.

Naturally, they are all opposed to the idea of going head to head with Earth Force but John is adamant. He doesn't want the rest of the staff involved.

"The decision is mine and mine alone," he states. "And … it's made."

He leaves behind his uniform, identicard and anything else that might tie the White Star back to Babylon 5, and he even leaves instructions for a cover story in case they don't make it back. And then they're off.

* * *

 _Setting of next 2 scenes: same episode, On the White Star - I shortened the scene in the sleeping area, no need to repeat all the cuteness that's already in the original show!_

* * *

Delenn understands how difficult it is for John to go against his own people and she wants to support him in any way she can. She didn't have to come along and they both know it. The fact that John hasn't even tried to get her to stay behind, speaks volumes. He doesn't just appreciate her support; he needs it.

The crew rests in shifts on the two day-long trip to Ganymede near Jupiter, and Lennier finally convinces John to get some rest as well. Unfortunately, there are only Minbari beds in the sleeping room and he still hasn't figured out how anyone can sleep at a 40 degree angle.

He finds Delenn resting on the bed next to his and she tells him it's quite simple to sleep on the beds, with proper meditation. They both know that's not his forte and she promises him that she will watch him, and will catch him if he should fall. They chat for a while and John tells Delenn about his father, whom he really misses right now. He is extremely tired and a little melancholic, and when he tells her that more than anything, he'd like to hear the sound of rain to help him sleep, Delenn gives the ship's computer a command in Minbari. Suddenly, it's as if it's raining outside, complete with the sound of thunder in the distance. John is grateful and when Delenn reaches for him, he grabs her hand. His eyes close almost instantly. He knows he'll be able to sleep now, to the sound of rain and with Delenn next to him.

* * *

They had arrived too late.

Someone had already gone inside the Shadow ship and once Lennier had established visual contact with the base on Ganymede, they had watched the horrific thing come alive. Its scream had sliced through them, just like Dr. Kirkish had described. Delenn had explained how, when a person entering the ship wasn't prepared properly, the ship could go mad. And it had. It had shot up the entire base but John had been able to get the thing to follow them down to the surface of Jupiter. It had been a very close call, but they had been able to climb back up and away from the planet just in time, thanks to Lennier's excellent piloting, while the Shadow ship had continued to descend and had imploded under the atmospheric pressure.

But now, they are presented with a new problem. The Agamemnon. John's old ship. Its crew must think that they are the ones who attacked the base on Ganymede, and the Earth Force Captain is ordering them to surrender. They can't get caught but John is torn. Delenn urges him to make up his mind, because as far as she can see, their only options are to fight or to surrender.

"No, we can't surrender," John says. "And I won't open fire on my old ship!"

"Then … what do you recommend?" Lennier asks.

John does not reply.

He had been completely in charge against the Shadow ship but now, Delenn realizes she must take over. And she has an idea.

"Lennier. Activate jump engines!" she orders.

"Inside the atmosphere?" John questions.

"Yes!"

"What?!"

Lennier runs over to them, telling Delenn,

"With all due respect for your innovative choice of strategy, may I suggest that the energy involved in opening a jump point in a hydrogen-rich atmosphere would be … explosive, at best."

But John's been processing the idea and he suddenly gets it.

"No, she's right," he tells both Minbari. "We get as close as we can to the edge of the atmosphere. That should minimize the eruption, I … I hope."

Delenn is glad to see how John is focusing again. He will not have to fire on his old ship after all and she finds herself holding his hand once more. John tells Lennier to send the Agamemnon a message in Interlac that they are prepared to surrender but they will need to back off a little. They move towards the edge of the atmosphere gradually and on John's mark, Lennier executes the order to jump. They succeed and John is very proud of all of them that they have managed to make the first atmospheric jump in history as far as he knows. They set a course for home.

"We'll be back this way again," John muses, still glowing after their successful escape. "And one way or another, we will finish this."

Delenn smiles at him and likes how determined he is. For some odd reason, she is incredibly proud of him.

John smiles at her and can't help thinking they make a hell of a team together.

* * *

 **Please review. I will try to upload the next chapter next Saturday.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Updating early, hope you don't mind. Next one is planned for a Saturday again.**

 _Setting of next scene: a short summary of season 3, episode 9 ("Point of no Return") - which is necessary to understand the setting - with a J/D conversation added at the end to create the transition to the next scene. A long chapter with many scenes directly from the show as we saw it, but I thought they were too good to skip. So not just MISSING scenes in this one._

* * *

To quote General Hague, Everything's gone to hell.

In response to the sighting of these unknown ships and the attack on Ganymede by unknown forces, President Clark has declared Martial Law throughout Earth Central. It's highly frustrating that their mission to take out the Shadow ship is now being used by Clark like this. And they know now that the Shadow ships aren't unknown at all to Earth. The fish stinks from the head.

The President has dissolved the Senate and many Senators are now on the run. Others have been arrested and the remaining few are holed up in their offices, refusing to leave and trying to get support from the military under the constitution. John has received one last message from General Hague, letting him know he's on his own. Hague is on the run from Earth Force now.

Mars and Io have been ordered to enforce Martial Law just like Earth Central and then, as expected, the order hits Babylon 5 as well. The senior command staff has received a briefing from General Smits. A briefing that is layered, as John realizes after a while. All off-world security is being transferred to the Nightwatch immediately, an order issued by the Political office. The reasoning behind it is that all levels of government have been infiltrated by people working against the interests of Earth, and need to be flushed out. Since all Nightwatch personnel is considered loyal, they will step in temporarily. As expected, Garibaldi is furious but there's nothing he can do. He is now no longer head of security.

John finds himself wishing Delenn were there to discuss things with her. But she's away on some business and he finds that he misses her. She's become his sounding board and his anchor in these uncertain times. He suspects that by now, Ivanova will have noticed this but she would never comment on it unless he asked her. And he doesn't ask her. Not yet. Not while he's still figuring things out with the Minbari Ambassador.

And then something Stephen says about the chain of command, clicks in his brain. He replays the briefing from General Smits and has an idea. They have to follow the chain of command, which means that orders from the President are relayed to them by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and then further down the line of their superior officers. The order to put Nightwatch in charge of security came from the Political office, which is _not_ part of the chain of command. He knows it's a temporary solution because once Earth gets wind of what he's doing, they will reissue the order correctly, but with the help of Zach Allen, Garibaldi's number two, they manage to rally all Nightwatch personnel in one area, and then seal it off completely. They're ordered to come out one by one, turn in their identicards, links and weapons and are placed under house arrest for the time being.

The solution to losing so many security officers at once, comes as a surprise to some. G'Kar has had a revelation while doing time in the brig for the mind-rape of Londo Mollari, and is putting everything he has at the Captain's disposal, including his Narns. They are now officially security officers as well, and very good ones at that. G'Kar just wants one thing in return: he wants to be part of whatever they have been planning behind closed doors. John can only promise G'Kar that he will talk to the others.

The next day, Ivanova informs him that Delenn has returned to the station and is looking forward to talking to him about everything that's happened. She also reports that four of the five ships that had defected with General Hague have been shot down, and Earth expects to catch Hague the next time he jumps out of hyperspace. They both realize that Earth will be coming for them next.

* * *

When John enters Delenn's quarters, Lennier is just leaving. John waits until the younger man has left before greeting Delenn warmly. He rubs her upper arms gently and likes how easy it is becoming for them to touch each other. It doesn't feel awkward or clumsy anymore and it doesn't feel like he's overstepping.

Delenn is very concerned about all the developments surrounding Earth Gov and she listens intently while he tells her about all that's happened over the past few days. He likes that about her. She isn't quick to interrupt him or give him her own opinion. She listens first and asks for clarification. And she understands how hard this is for him.

"They're gonna come for us soon, you know," he sighs after he's brought her up to speed, sitting across from her at her high table.

"Yes, I know," Delenn says and she has a very serious look on her face. "But we need Babylon 5 as our base of operations to prepare for the war against the Shadows. This is the only place where we can reach all the other worlds and coordinate our actions. We cannot lose it."

"I know. I'm still hoping that they'll be able to straighten things out back home, or even that Hague will be able to pull off a coup. But we don't know if it'll be in time for us."

Delenn is quiet after that and he looks at her, at how deep in thought she is. She is a quiet force, who can be loud when she has to be but he admires her inner strength more than anything. She has the capacity of convincing and motivating others of things without resorting to threats or insults, but she can be threatening when she has to be. The Minbari forces are still the strongest among the younger races, although they haven't been active in any kind of conflicts since the Earth-Minbari war ended over ten years ago.

"My Rangers are listening in on Earth communications as well as others," she tells him after a while. "I will send word that we need more information about where Earth Force ships are heading right now."

"That's good, but I don't want to unleash a war against my own people, Delenn."

"You may not have a choice John. What if they unleash a war against you?"

He sighs. He knows it's coming one way or another. Now that General Hague is down to only two ships, it's not likely that he will be able to do anything. There is no way of knowing how much support they have back on Earth and Clark's forces are tightening the noose.

Their hands find each other once more on the table. They can't even tell who moved first but somehow that doesn't matter anymore. Delenn holds his right hand between her hands and he covers her right hand with his left. There's a storm coming and they need something to hold on to when it hits. It may as well be each other.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: episode 10 ("Severed Dreams") after Hague's ship has arrived at Babylon 5 for repairs and the injured Minbari Ranger has reported to Delenn what the Shadows are up to, as well as the Grey Council's disappointing reaction. A Delenn scene, followed by a tiny John scene._

* * *

"The problems of others are not our concern."

That's the stance her government has taken and it is infuriating. For centuries, they have been preparing, guided by prophesy, and now that it is all starting to happen as predicted, they choose to do _nothing?_ This cannot be. She will not let it be! This is the time to act and if they do not see that, she will make them see.

Mars has just announced that they will defy the President and will not implement Martial Law on the planet. John is busy tending to the Alexander and its crew. He has taken a bold stand and has decided that Babylon 5 will give humanitarian aid to them, against orders from Earth, since they are fellow Humans who are as loyal to Earth as they are. Delenn asks Ivanova to let John know she is leaving for Minbar at once. She leaves Lennier in charge of her affairs in her absence and leaves on the White Star just as a second Earth Force destroyer arrives at the station.

The Shadows are on the move, forming alliances with other races under the guise of offering them protection from the Centauri, and then coaxing them into wanting to become conquerors themselves. They are making everyone turn against everyone else. This time is exactly what the Grey Council was founded for and what they have been preparing for for a thousand years. They cannot turn their backs on the universe now. They must unite with the other half of their souls to take a stand against the darkness.

Delenn makes her way to the Grey Council as fast as she can while news comes in that Earth colonies Orion 7 and Proxima 3 have seceded from Earth, following the bombing of Earth forces of civilian targets on Mars. The Shadows are even making the Humans fight among themselves. She realizes that the other worlds will not come to the aid of Babylon 5 now, since they are all too caught up in their own little wars. It is time the Minbari showed their teeth.

* * *

They are going to fight. The vote had been unanimous and John is proud of his team. Hostile Earth Force destroyers are on their way to Babylon 5, and right now, he's glad Delenn is away. It's safer for her to not be on the station now. He tries to send a message to Delenn's ship but he is told she is not available. Lennier has been vague about the purpose of her trip but he suspects it has to do with what they had spoken of earlier. He can only hope there will be a station for her to return to when this day is over.

* * *

 _I didn't want to omit Delenn's powerful speech so here it is … it doesn't add anything to the John/Delenn romance but I just love this power chick :) If you know it, you can skip to the next scene without missing anything._

* * *

Delenn barges into the Grey Council's chamber, dismissing everyone who attempts to stop her from going in and tears into them as soon as she stands in the circle of the nine.

"Three years. For three years I warned you this day was coming. But you would not listen. Pride, you said. Presumption. And now the Shadows are on the move. The Centauri and the younger worlds are at war. The Narns have fallen. Even the Humans are fighting one another. The pride was yours. The presumption was yours. For a thousand years we have been awaiting the fulfillment of prophecy, and when it finally happens, you scorn it. You reject it, because you no longer believe it yourselves. _We stand between the candle and the star. Between the darkness and the light._ You say the words, but your hearts are empty. Your ears closed to the truth. You stand for nothing but your own petty interests! 'The problems of others are not our concern,'" she mocks.

The council is dead silent. Delenn continues, staring each of the now four warrior caste Council members in the eye as she speaks to each of them.

"I do not blame you for standing silent in your shame. You, who knew what was coming but refused to take up the burden of this war. If the warrior caste will not fight, then the rest of us will! If the Council has lost its way, if it will not lead … if we have abandoned our covenant with Valen ... " she snarls, grabbing the leader's staff from the hand of the Council leader,

"the Council should be broken!"

She snaps the staff in half and drops the two halves on the floor.

"As was prophesied. We must stand with the others, now, before it's too late. Between the worker caste and the religious caste, we control two thirds of our forces. To you I say: Listen to the voice of your conscience. Break the Council. And come with me. Our time of isolation is over. We move now, together, or not at all!"

She turns and strides out of the room and five Council members follow her out, leaving the four members of the warrior caste alone in the Council chamber.

* * *

John uses what little time he has left before the Earth Alliance ships arrive to call his father. David Sheridan reminds John of the first lesson he's ever taught him: Never start a fight, but always finish it. And John is about to do exactly that. Using Draal's holographic system, he broadcasts to every deck on the station and every ship outside that warships from Earth are coming to the station to take it over. Following Orion 7 and Proxima 3, Babylon 5, too, is seceding from Earth, and will remain an independent state until President Clark is removed from office. Anyone who wishes to leave after the current crisis is resolved, will be free do to so. He urges everyone to stay in their quarters, and then they wait.

Soon, the Earth Force destroyers Agrippa and Roanoke, accompanied by a few smaller ships and a lot of fighters, arrive through the jump gate. They order Babylon 5 and the renegade ships to surrender.

They refuse. John tries to convince the other Captains that they are carrying out illegal orders but the don't listen and all hell breaks loose.

Intense fighting erupts and both sides take losses. The command deck is shaken up when a damaged starfury crashes into the station. The Churchill is badly damaged, and in a last desperate act, Captain Hiroshi of the Churchill takes her destroyer and rams the Roanoke out of the sky. Meanwhile, the Alexander targets the Agrippa. A final plea from John to give up so they can rescue the crew goes unanswered and the Agrippa disintegrates before their eyes. There are still fights going on in Brown Sector where a breaching party had entered, but for now, it looks like they've won the battle for the station. They couldn't have taken much more.

And then three more Earth Alliance destroyers arrive.

John freezes. There is no way out now. Just when he thinks it can't get any worse, Lieutenant Corwin reports, slightly panicked, that there are additional jump points forming right on top of them. They're doomed and they all know it.

John closes his eyes and asks,

"How many?"

"Four."

As four more ships jump into normal space, suddenly a very familiar voice is heard over the speakers on all ships.

"This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari."

John's head snaps up to see her face on the monitor and he feels a chill run up and down his spine. It's Delenn and she's mad! She's brought three Minbari war cruisers back with her from Minbar!

Delenn gives an order that can only be interpreted in one way.

"Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw or be destroyed!"

"Negative, we have authority here," the Earth Alliance Captain responds. "Do not force us to engage your ship."

Delenn is cold as ice.

"Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with the Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else!"

The Earth Alliance ships don't even bother to reply and flee the scene through the jumpgate. Within seconds, the battle for Babylon 5 has been decided. By her. John breathes a shaky sigh of relief and calls on all ships to return to base.

With the Minbari now guarding them, they have time to clean up and regroup. John gets a head wound inspected he didn't even know he had and now that Babylon 5 is an independent state, he orders all Nightwatch personnel to be deported back to Earth, along with anyone else who wishes to leave. They know they're going to be having problems with sabotage for a while, because it's unlikely that everyone who supports Clark is actually leaving.

John has taken off his Earth Force jacket. He can't wear the uniform anymore with a clear conscience. Not under these circumstances. When Delenn comes on board the station, he goes to meet her. He is in awe of her, now more than ever, and when he sees her, his heart skips a beat. Delenn's smile can light up a room and it's a huge contrast with the cold warrior she was just a few hours earlier. But both sides are a part of her and she floors him every time with her inner strength and determination. He can't find the words to tell her how much what she did means to him.

"Thank you seems poor and inadequate," he tells her. "I don't know how much this cost you personally and I suspect I never will .. but I want you to know that … seeing your face at that moment was probably the single finest moment in my life."

Her reply confirms his suspicion that she has burned a few bridges to get the war ships to come with her.

"It seems that this is the only home we have left. How could I abandon, as you say, my partner?"

She extends her hand like Humans do and he takes it. But shaking her hand seems poor and inadequate as well so he holds Delenn's hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing it to express how much it means to him what she has done; how much _she_ means to him.

Ivanova clears her throat and John thinks she has a knack for interrupting things when she, Franklin and Garibaldi pop up next to them. But the reason for the interruption is a good one. Ivanova takes all of them including Delenn to the marketplace, where hundreds of people from all races have gathered to support them. They break out into applause when they enter and John wraps his arm around Delenn, without whom none of them would be standing there right now.

They talk with a few people but everyone is very tired and twenty minutes later, they are strolling down the hall, on their way to Blue sector where the personnel quarters are. Franklin says goodbye, needing to check on the Medlabs where all the injured are being treated and deaths are being logged. Garibaldi joins him, complaining of unusual pain in his right arm and lastly, Ivanova tells the Captain she's going back to C&C.

"You don't have to," John assures her. "Corwin is turning out to be an excellent officer. He's got this."

"I know," Ivanova nods. "I just … want to sit there for a while. To think."

"Understood. But get some sleep soon, alright?"

"Yes sir. Goodnight, sir. Delenn."

Delenn had been walking with John and his staff, not really knowing where they were going until now. Her mind is still reeling with everything that has happened. She can barely believe they arrived just in time and she is immensely grateful to the former Grey Council members who have put their war ships at her disposal so quickly and without any conditions attached. They still believe, and it gives her hope for her people and for the future.

John has stood his ground as well and she is proud of him. They need each other more than ever now, because uniting with the other half of their souls as the Minbari call it, isn't proving easy yet. The Humans are more divided than ever and right now, so are the Minbari. For now, this station is truly the only home they both have and she feels the need to spend some time with John. He does not seem to mind that she is walking with him towards his quarters and she cannot deny that the way he had kissed her hand earlier still affects her. When they arrive at his door and John touches her back lightly, it sends a small electrical current through her body.

"You wanna come in for a bit?" he asks her softly.

"Yes."

They enter his quarters and sit together for a while, quietly going over how the battle for the station had gone and how many lives were lost in this tragedy. John tries to get her to tell him about her talk with the Grey Council and she finally tells him that the Grey Council is no more after today. But there had been no other way. The warrior caste refuses to help so she had to break them up to get the support of the others.

"Your worker and religious castes know how to kick ass as well," John remarks and Delenn grins at the expression.  
"I have been brushing up on my vocabulary, you know," she tells him. "I think I know most of the words Humans use to describe their anatomy now, including the more colorful ones, and the expressions in which you use them differently."

"Really?" John says, one eyebrow raised. "So … do you know what a kick in the butt is now?"

"Yes, I do. It means either an unexpected setback or a firm action, depending on the context, am I right? Although perhaps I would prefer to use the more general word _behind_ , which seems more appropriate for someone from my caste. Unless I'm mad. I think I would say ass then."

"I'm sure you would," John chuckles. "You're a hell of a warrior when you're mad."

"Thank you. So are you."

They smile at each other and their eyes linger for a while, until it gets slightly uncomfortable. John clears his throat and Delenn takes it as her cue to stand up to leave.

"Let me walk to to your place," John offers.

She looks at him and wonders out loud,

"You'd walk the halls without your jacket?"

John sighs and she understands. The uniform isn't what it used to be. He doesn't identify with it anymore. They need a new identity; a rebirth of sorts. And that gives her an idea.

* * *

 **Those familiar with the show know what's coming next. It's about time, right? Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Dear readers. Before reading this new chapter, could you please check if you've read chapter 8? I have a very low view count on that chapter so far so I was wondering if people missed it somehow. I wouldn't want anyone to miss a piece of the story!**

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: season 3, episode 11 ("Ceremonies of Light and Dark") - Delenn is kidnapped by a pro-Clark group under orders of Nightwatch._

* * *

Delenn thinks that what they all need now is a ceremony. A rebirth ceremony, to let go of the old and be born into new possibilities. She has a unique way of looking at the universe and John is trying to understand it, but he has to admit it seems a little forced to him. Telling someone a secret you have never told anyone and giving away something that is of great value to you should somehow help them find a new purpose? For now, he can't see it yet, but he'll go along with it, for her sake. He thinks that he'd go along with anything she suggests for her sake at this point.

And then, everything changes once more. Someone kidnaps Delenn and one of the Minbari Captains who has just come aboard for a tour of the station.

John is livid. They knew they'd have a problem for a while with pro-Clark elements on the station, but why did they have to take her? He gets it on some level, since she's the one who got the Minbari involved, but he just wishes they'd taken him instead. _He's_ the one who seceded and ordered his crew to return fire against Earth Force ships. Not her.

The group contacts the Captain over a scrambled channel. They want the Minbari war cruisers to leave so Earth Force can come back to take over, or they start killing the hostages. They kill the aide of the Minbari Captain on screen to show them how serious they are. Delenn's anguished scream pierces his heart and he knows she would have taken the aide's place if she could have. But John won't have it.

With the help of Marcus and an analysis of the background sounds in the scrambled message from the hostage takers, they find out where Delenn and Captain Lenann are being held before the end of their six hour deadline. And John has a plan. They stage a leak in the fusion reactor nearby, forcing the group to take their hostages elsewhere and he and Garibaldi move in with a small team of people Garibaldi still trusts. A firefight erupts and Delenn and Lenann untie each other quickly. Delenn spots one of the men that had kidnapped her getting back on his feet with a knife. The man is targeting John and she cries out, calling for John to look out. Before the man can throw the knife, she runs forward, catching the knife that had been meant for John in the back.

John catches her as she collapses and he is hit with a fresh wave of rage. Ivanova is right there with them. She tells him they'll take care of Delenn and to go and the the guy. John chases the man who threw the knife down and once he's tackled him, he beats him to a bloody pulp.

"No more!" he yells. "No more of you. No more Nightwatch. No more hostages. No more lies. Not on my station. Not on my watch! No more!"

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: same episode, Medlab. You know what's coming. It was perfect so I didn't change a thing. Well, one small thing. John didn't ask Lennier for an update on Delenn's condition. He was there. Of course he was._

* * *

She's seen him. Delenn knows that John has been in and out of Medlab all night, checking on her condition. They know now that knife hasn't hit any of her vital organs and had embedded itself in one of her ribs instead. She had only lost consciousness from shock. The wound is painful but she will live, and John knows this. And yet he is here, watching over her. She is in and out of sleep for a few hours while Franklin figures out the right dosage of painkillers for her. Fortunately, the Doctor understands how badly she wants to get back on her feet. When she wakes up once more, John is no longer there. She hopes he has gone to get some rest and she has accepted that the rebirth ceremony cannot be concluded within the specified time.

And then the next day, John returns, with his command staff. She sees them come in through the window of her room. John enters her room first, carrying his Earth Force uniform. He sets it on a chair by the door and approaches her. She suddenly feels a little vulnerable, being confined to the Medlab bed for now but still, she is very happy to see him.

"Hello Delenn. You know, I was thinking. If you couldn't come to the rebirth ceremony, the ceremony should come to you."

She smiles at him and he smiles back nervously. She knows what he is giving up in the ceremony. He doesn't even need to tell her, but he does anyway.

"I've given up something that really mattered to me," he tells her, looking at his uniform on the chair. "My uniform and everything that goes with it."

He looks at her then.

"What I've never told anyone before now … when you were hurt … when you were in my arms … I was ready to kill that guy with my bare hands."

Delenn takes a deep breath. She knows he is not finished and lets him continue. In this ceremony, she is not supposed to respond when a secret is shared with her.

"I realized I never told you … how much I cared about you," John whispers. "How much you mean to me."

She gives him a small smile, trying to bury the deeper emotions that are now flooding to the surface for the moment.

"I think it's time you knew that … I can no longer imagine my world without you in it."

Needing to show him some kind of response, she reaches for him then, lifting her hand, and he takes it between his own, folding his hands around it.

"I don't know exactly when or how it happened … but I'm glad it did," John finishes softly.

He needs to leave now, to make room for the others, and he does.

He still can't believe it. Just when he had decided he wasn't going to do anything about his feelings for Delenn, trying to convince himself that Lennier would be a better fit for her, along comes this ritual. When she had first suggested it, he hadn't seen how it could possibly accomplish anything. And now? After everything that's happened over the past months and especially the past 48 hours, it all makes sense. It really is a new beginning. For the station; for his staff; and for them. There's no going back now. He has told her how he feels and from the look in her eyes he knows that there is something there for her too. And in the middle of the mess they're in with Earth as well as the threat of the Shadows, for the first time in three years, he feels something resembling a spark of happiness inside.

He waits while the others do their part one by one, handing in their uniforms and sharing their own secrets with Delenn, knowing they will be absolutely safe with her. When they are all done and are getting ready to leave, Lennier tells them that Delenn, anticipating their actions, had something made for them and that the gifts are waiting for them in their quarters. John smiles at Delenn through the window of her room before leaving to see what her gift could be.

The gift is a new uniform and he loves it. He agrees with the others that they will present the new uniform to the rest of the crew in the morning, but that evening, John decides to go back to Medlab, wearing the uniform, to show it to her.

John nods at the attending medical personnel before making his way over to her bed. It looks like she's sleeping again and she should. It's past eleven after all. He quietly pulls up a chair and watches her for a while. He wonders if he should just leave. She will probably be discharged in the morning and he can talk to her then, but for some reason he stays and just looks at her.

There is only one of her in the entire universe. That's true for everyone in a sense of course, but in her case, she really is unique. Half Human, half Minbari. As far as John knows, she's one of a kind. Still, she's not a fluke of nature or a mistake. Without her, the universe wouldn't be complete. Or at least _his_ universe wouldn't be complete. But at some level he dares to believe the universe really needs her too. She is needed in the war against the Shadows and he couldn't wish for a better ally. She isn't afraid to make enemies along the way, especially among her own people, as long as they reach the end goal. And he's right there with her now. He's declared Babylon 5 an independent state for crying out loud. He's got enemies alright, and one of them tried to kill Delenn the day before. Their fates are now more intertwined than ever before.

Delenn stirs and he tenses up. Now that he's told her how he feels about her, he is suddenly unsure how she'll respond. He probably caught her off guard earlier so he braces himself for her real reaction. He doesn't know what he'll do if she rejects him at this stage of the conflicts they are finding themselves entangled in. He hadn't planned to address these feelings until after all the dust had settled, if at all, but there is no going back now. Which had been the point of the ritual in the first place, so maybe he should just embrace that now and forge ahead.

He doesn't know if he should feel relieved or disappointed when Delenn settles in again, her face now turned to him but her eyes still closed. And then her green eyes flutter open anyway and his disappointment - yes, it _had_ been more disappointment than relief - fades away.

"Hey," he whispers, unable to stop a smile from forming on his face.

"Hey," Delenn whispers back. "You came back."

"Yeah. I just wanted to thank you for the uniform and show you how it looks on me."

Delenn looks at him a little more attentively and lifts a hand to touch the fabric of his new uniform. He grabs her hand and holds it over his heart.

"It fits," Delenn says, still sounding a little drowsy. "Captain in the Army of Light."

"It's amazing, Delenn. It's just what we needed to get a new sense of direction. But you knew that already."

She smiles, her eyes agreeing wordlessly with him.

"You're really something, you know," he says softly, almost reverently.

"I would hope so," she replies and he sees those little lights dancing in her eyes again when she continues. "I would hate to discover suddenly that I am nothing."

John chuckles.

"You know perfectly well what I mean."

"I do. And thank you."

They stare at each other for a few moments, both wondering what to say next. John releases his grip on Delenn's hand but she grabs his hand instantly, taking it between her own as she lets them rest on her stomach on top of the covers. She doesn't want to let him go just yet. After the ceremony she had been very tired and the painkillers are making her sleepy all the time, but she hasn't forgotten John's words. How could she? The way he had looked at her and spoken to her had been from his heart straight to hers. From a man to a woman, without any restrictions or conditions. It doesn't matter anymore that they come from different worlds and do not look exactly the same. It doesn't matter that they were on opposite sides during the war and that her orders had killed many on his side, like his orders had killed many on her side. Those sides don't exist anymore, regardless of what others may think. Delenn carries too much guilt around about the war to hold any grudges against the Humans about it. And from the way John has been treating her and the way he looks at her now, it is safe to say that he doesn't hold anything against her personally either.

Maybe he would if he knew everything, a small voice in the back of her head tells her, but she pushes that doubt away. We all have our moments of weakness, she reasons. Those should not define us, even if she's spent over ten years trying to deal with her own moment of weakness. Forgiving another is far easier than forgiving oneself and so she tries to convince herself that John would not hold her moment of weakness against her if he ever learned of it. They never talk about the war though and she suspects that will not change. There is a bigger war heading their way, and this time they will be fighting on the same side. The side of light.

"What on earth are you thinking about?"

John's question pulls her out of her thoughts and she blinks a few times, trying to focus on the question. How is she supposed to answer that?

"I was just thinking about what is ahead of us," she tells him and it's not a lie even if it's not the whole truth. "And about what you said to me earlier today."

John smiles shyly and looks down at the floor.

"Yeah, that."

His chest constricts and he can't believe he's this insecure all of a sudden.

"I am glad you told me," Delenn tells him, "because I was afraid to hope for anything."

His head snaps up then, surprise written all over his face.

"What?"

It's her turn to look very shy now and it's very endearing.

"I'm Minbari. The enemy," she states softly and he suddenly feels a world of insecurity and even guilt behind those few words.

"You're not my enemy Delenn," he assures her. "Not by a long shot. You've even undergone this … transformation to bridge the gap between our two species. You've basically given up your previous identity. That's a big sacrifice Delenn. You've lost a lot because of it. I can see that, even if you don't talk about it. But you're focused on the end goal, not for your own sake but for everyone's sake. How could I ever see you as an enemy when you're fighting for my people as much as your own?"

His words move her but she still holds back. It's that persistent small voice again.

"You don't know everything about me, John."

"No, I don't. You're making sure of that."

His candor shocks her a little and she looks up at the ceiling. She doesn't know what to say to that short but very accurate analysis of herself. John helps her out and she is grateful when he tells her,

"It's alright. We've got a lot of work ahead of us. But after all this is over, we'll have all the time in the world to get to know each other better."

He knows that for some reason it's hard for her to open up. Maybe she's been hurt in the past, or maybe she simply hasn't learned to open up, being taught from a young age to deal with everything on her own, through meditation and rituals. He's not the world's best talker either but he has found he can talk to her. And so he hopes and trusts that in time, she'll be able to talk to him too.

When he leaves for the night, John leans over her, gently moves her hair to the side and kisses her forehead. She feels the impression of his lips on her skin long after he has left and she feels something tingling in her bloodstream. Maybe he is right. Maybe she will learn to open up to him. Wanting to feel his lips on her skin again is a great motivator to want to try, that is certain. She sighs when she closes her eyes. She should sleep so she will be released tomorrow. And maybe - just maybe - she will have a nice dream tonight for a change.

* * *

 **More next Saturday. Meanwhile, your attention and comments are appreciated.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N 1: Thank you so much for the kind guest reviews. I cannot respond personally to them but they are very much appreciated. Want to chat about the story or B5? Log in :) You don't have to be a writer to create an account here. I'd love to hear from you. But first, let's take a look at the next scenes.**

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: episode 12 ("Sic Transit Vir") for obvious reasons. I know the writer postponed the first kiss for artistic reasons but come on … I'm just not buying it. So here's my take on this one!_

* * *

He's done it. He's asked her out.

The quiet on the station is a rare thing now that everyone else is busy planning their next move, and John wants to take advantage of it while they still can. Delenn has been up and about for a few days now and they haven't spoken much since that night in Medlab 1. He finds he misses her and he's overjoyed that she has accepted his dinner invitation. He's receiving her at his quarters, not the restaurant, because he really wants to be alone with her this time; because things are different now. It's been a while since he has dated and Delenn isn't just an ordinary pretty girl. But he's ready to go for it again and make an effort for the dignified, classy Ambassador, who just happens to be a very sweet and sensitive woman underneath all of that formality. And he's made an effort. It will take him days to clean up his kitchen after this but he's actually managed to cook for her.

Delenn is touched. He is learning her language and now he has even learned how to cook Flarn. Or he has tried to. It doesn't actually taste very good but with some salt and pepper added, it is edible and she isn't going to say a word about it. It is nice to be in his company and she finds that the conversation flows easily; easier than she had expected after John's revelations in Medlab.

The attraction that had been growing between them has been put into words now, sort of, but somehow she is still a little nervous, as if tiny insects are fluttering around inside her belly. But they are relaxed over dinner and she is very much enjoying the reprieve from all the tension surrounding the conflicts they have been in.

And then a call comes in from security about an assault in progress, just one deck down from where they are. As expected, John can't stand by without doing something and he rushes out, telling Delenn he'll be right back. But he doesn't return. Instead, he calls her in his quarters from Medlab a while later to apologize. A Narn had tried to kill Vir and had nicked John's arm with a knife when he tried to stop him.

Why anyone would want to kill Vir is beyond her. He is the kindest, gentlest Centauri she has ever met. And apparently, he now has a woman in his life, who was there when he was attacked. But her main concern is John right now. He has told her that the cut is only superficial, but she decides to check up on him anyway the next morning. Somehow, she doesn't like how their date ended and she knows he is going back on duty soon, and so she goes to his quarters just before his work day starts.

John is trying to get his uniform on but his arm is giving him some trouble. He is pleasantly surprised when Delenn shows up at his door to see how he's doing. When she sees him struggle with the buttons of his uniform she insists on helping him, telling him that he is going to get himself killed one day if he keeps trying to break up every fight on the station. As she buttons him up, she remarks,

"I hear that when it happened, Vir was with a woman. Apparently they are to be married soon."

"So I understand. Must be the shortest courtship on record. She just got here yesterday."

He likes how close she's standing to him and he can't stop staring at her.

"Perhaps you should check the air recycling system," she tells him, looking up when she has finished buttoning him up, her hands lingering on his chest. "There may be, as you say, something in the air."

Their eyes lock once more and he smiles and takes her hands in his. They both know what's coming next and he tells her softly,

"Maybe there isn't that …"

He leans in then, wanting to kiss her more than anything, and she meets him halfway just when his Babcom monitor beeps and Ivanova pops up on the screen, calling him. They almost jump at the interruption and pull apart. The Commander apologizes immediately when she sees what she's just interrupted, but John tells her it's alright. Ivanova tells him he's needed in Londo's quarters straight away and there is an awkward moment when he looks at Delenn again. Would it be wrong if he just planted a kiss on her now, before he had to rush off again? He can't believe this just _didn't_ happen but he doesn't know how to fix it because Delenn being Delenn, she's already retreating. He has to let her go for now, but he vows to kiss her for real before the day is over.

* * *

Delenn tries to focus on her work but is distracted when she and Lennier go over her day before her first appointment. When Lennier inquires if she is alright, she brushes him off but she makes a mental note to focus better from now. She does not want others to see that she has other things on her mind that have nothing to do with business. She needs to stop thinking about how badly she had wanted to kiss the Captain. She's never felt like this before and she feels a little lost. This isn't the time be distracted like this. She needs to pay attention to the reports the Rangers are bringing in and the progress the Minbari are making in building more ships for the coming war against the Shadows. She should not be thinking about what it would feel like to kiss John and to hold him close to her; to touch him and have him touch her in ways she has not been touched in many years. She has already watched him sleep once and has decided that that night on the White Star was the beginning of a ritual for them. She will explain it to him when the time comes, but she remembers his sleeping face and cannot help smiling slightly at the memory. He has nothing to worry about in this ritual, she knows this already.

When they walk to her first appointment, Delenn takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. Focus, Delenn. Focus.

* * *

 _So, Susan Ivanova comedy. She deserves a spot here, since she's obviously on to them now. If you know the characters, I'm sure you can imagine this little scene while reading it. Enjoy!_

* * *

Things with Vir have finally been sorted out. They know now that not he but his future wife Lyndisty had been the target of the Narn and his pouch brother and that instead of having Narns killed, he's been saving them. Unlike Lyndisty and her father. It looks like the woman that has been chosen to marry the kind Centauri isn't such a good match for him after all. John glances at Ivanova when they get off duty at last and before he can say anything, she puts up her hands in mock surrender.

"No more interruptions from me today, Captain. I promise."

John grins and shakes his head and Susan smirks at him. Just when he thinks that's all his Commander is going to say, Susan turns away mumbling,

"You lucky son of a ..."

"Sorry, what were you saying, Commander?" John asks her, wondering if he's interpreting her mumbling correctly.

"Nothing sir. Nothing whatsoever. Not a word. Now go on and uh … enjoy. Your uh … time off."

"Alright, I will."

"I bet."

"What?"

"I'm off to bed."

"Right. Me too."

"That's what I figured."

"Susan!"

"Sorry sir. Never mind me. I'll just be in my quarters. All alone. As always. Just me. Minding my own business. By myself. Goodnight."

John sighs and shakes his head once more as the Commander leaves the deck, and then he follows her out. He knows it's not easy being out here in space, away from family and other loved ones, and he knows he's very lucky to have found someone to share his life with right here, on the station. Ivanova is right about that.

It's getting late and he hopes Delenn won't mind him dropping by at this hour. But once again, he finds Lennier with her and it annoys him a little. Does he always _have_ to be exactly where she is? Is he her aide day and night or something? He certainly hopes not. That might become very awkward.

Graceful as ever, Delenn sends Lennier away to his own quarters for the night, and John is relieved to know the young Minbari actually does have his own place to stay. Delenn assures John that they had already finished their work for the day and had just been discussing a few minor details about trade deals that can wait until morning.

"So tell me, what is it you have come to see me about?" she asks with a smile.

John grins and scratches his neck with a finger while he walks up to her.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I was getting pretty sick of being interrupted all the time. You're not expecting anyone else now, are you?"

"No. Not that I am aware of."

She smiles hesitantly and he hopes he's done the right thing, seeking her out again.

"How is your arm?" she asks, touching it lightly once they are standing almost toe to toe.

"It'll heal. I haven't overexerted myself, if that's what you're worried about."

"Good. Like you said, we should enjoy the calm while it lasts. It will give your arm the opportunity to heal."

"It will," John says softly. "And it will give us the opportunity to spend some more time together."

Delenn breathes out and her breath hits his chin. She's nervous and so is he but he knows what he wants. He reaches up and frames her face with his left hand, and when he runs his thumb over her cheekbone gently, Delenn closes her eyes. That's his cue and he moves in, brushing his lips over hers just once. She wraps her left arm around his waist and when he kisses her again, she kisses him back, moving her right hand to his neck to pull him closer to her. John moans softly when their bodies collide and he can't help himself when he wraps his arms around her to hold her even more tightly.

He is intoxicating and Delenn feels like someone has just shut off the gravity system. They are floating and breathing each other's air, neither of them wanting to end this first kiss between them. John is tender yet passionate and it feels like he is passing all of his own energy on to her. It flows through her veins, for her to return it to him and add her own while deepening their kiss.

When they finally break apart they're both out of breath and John leans his forehead against hers, his eyes closed. Delenn stares at his mouth and reaches up to touch his parted lips, that were kissing her so passionately only moments ago. He is warm and inviting and she feels herself longing for more of him. But her people have ways of doing things and she should not get carried away. It will not be easy though, especially knowing that Humans have less restraint when it comes to physical love. But John is regaining control of his senses and does not appear to have any plans to push her any further for the moment. She should not have expected anything else from him.

"Delenn …" he whispers.

"John."

"That was …"

He blows out a breath slowly and she giggles suddenly. She doesn't know why, but it helps to break the intimate spell they are under and John chuckles as well.

"Funny wasn't the word I was looking for, Ambassador," he tells her, trying to sound stern but he can't really get that wide grin off his face.

Delenn wraps her arms around his waist and locks her hands behind his back, keeping him securely attached to her, and he mirrors her actions. She looks up at him and tilts her head with a smile, and John realizes he's in big trouble now. Delenn the seductress is coming out to play and he has no doubt that she's a force to be reckoned with in this area too.

"Then what was the word you were looking for, Captain? I do hope it is a positive one. For your sake as much as mine."

She's overcome her insecurity and nerves very quickly and it's kind of unnerving for him. But two can play this game. He may be out of practice but he isn't completely helpless when it comes to flirting.

"And what if it's not? Or if I'm … undecided? Would there be … consequences?"

Delenn likes this little game they are playing. It makes the enormity of their decision to be a couple much lighter and something to enjoy instead of worry about in light of their histories and their current circumstances.

"If you are undecided, I suppose we should kiss again, so you can decide," she suggests.

"Nothing like a good old-fashioned experiment," John rumbles before dipping down to kiss the Ambassador again.

She hums and opens her mouth to him eagerly. She is as passionate kissing him as she is about the war and her own calling, and it's all he can do to keep up with her. His hands start to roam her body and he wishes she didn't wear these long, inaccessible gowns all the time. But maybe it's a good thing for now or he might push her too far too fast. Still, she doesn't stop him when he lets his hands skim the sides of her breasts and then pulls her hips tighter against his. Pressed up against him, she has to feel by now that she is affecting him greatly but he just can't help himself. Delenn just hums softly again, never breaking their heated kiss.

It isn't until they break apart again that she creates a little bit of space between their lower halves before looking up at him.

"Sorry, I eh …" John starts, but she silences him with one last small kiss.

"It's alright. It's … a compliment," she tells him softly.

"That it is, you can be sure of that," he agrees, rubbing her hips gently.

Delenn is trembling against him but she hasn't lost her wit, as he soon finds out.

"So, have you decided yet?" she asks him.

He laughs out loud at that and finally tells her,

"You're amazing Delenn. And I … I'm totally falling in love with you."

She rests her head on his shoulder and kisses his jaw, then smiles and tells him,

"That's good. Because I am totally falling in love with you too."

* * *

 **A/N 2: Alright, that's enough. Break it up, you two. There's a war coming. Get to it. Those few of you who are reading this, do let me know if this met your approval as a first kiss(es) instead of the one we finally got so many episodes later.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Setting of next scenes: during episode 16 ("Interludes and Examinations"), before and after John's confrontation with Kosh. So how did Delenn know John wasn't resting in his quarters? I have an idea about that._

* * *

The Shadows have effectively managed to get most of the other races to use up their resources fighting each other, and now they are sitting ducks for the Shadows, unable to defend their worlds properly anymore. And still, they refuse to work together to take a stand. It's so frustrating. And on top of that, John can't seem to find any strategy in what the Shadows are doing. They are out in the open now, and that's what is most concerning. He had thought that the loss of the shipment of telepaths, that they had managed to intercept with the help of Bester, would at least make the Shadows pause. They have to know that Babylon 5 is now in possession of part of their technology, and that they're figuring it out. But the Shadows seem undeterred. If only they could figure out what they were up to, they'd be able to plan some kind of strategy.

Delenn knows John is busy and she tries to help wherever she can by talking to the other Ambassadors, but she had been looking forward to seeing him this evening. He hasn't really said he would be over but it is becoming a habit to find each other two or three times a week at the end of their work day and it is a habit she has come to enjoy.

She finds him poring over reports in the war room and tells him that it's late and he should rest, but John is too busy trying to make sense of it all. She joins him and they talk about the Shadows for a while. What they need is a victory, to motivate the others to join them. If they could form one big, cohesive force, then they'd stand a chance.

"Then perhaps we should give them a victory," Delenn says.

"Just like that?" John asks.

"Just like that."

"And how do you suggest we do that?"

She puts her hand on his arm and stands up, telling him sweetly,

"I'm sure you'll think of something."

The look in her eyes tells him that she's still hoping to see him later and he smiles. Maybe he should join her and spend some quality time with her on her sofa. It's becoming his favorite place on the station to unwind, being close to Delenn and going over everything that's on their minds quietly. Stealing kisses and just being. Being with her, even if they don't talk or do anything, makes him feel whole. Alive. Even in the middle of all these tensions and the threat heading their way.

He thinks Lennier is catching on because he's seeing less of the Ambassador's aide these days. Maybe the man has finally realized he doesn't stand a chance with her, John thinks and he grins smugly at the thought. She's his now, no ifs or buts about it.

He sighs and returns to his papers, thinking how even Delenn starts to sound as mysterious as Kosh these days, and then it hits him. The Vorlons. If anyone can give them one small victory over the Shadows, it's them. He's going to talk to Vorlon Ambassador Kosh right now.

* * *

"John!"

Delenn rushes over to him when she sees the injury on his cheek.

"I'm fine," he says quickly, walking into her quarters. "It's nothing."

"What happened?" she asks him while taking his hand and guiding him to her sofa.

"I had a chat with Kosh."

Delenn whips around and stares up at him in shock.

"Kosh did that to you?"

John nods and they sit down.

"Yeah. I got him mad. I did it on purpose. It's about time he starts doing something instead of letting us do all the work for him. It's his fight as much as ours."

"That is true. But if he hurt you … does that mean he will not help?"

"Oh no, he will, now. Just said something about not helping me when I go to Z'ha'dum. Well, screw him if he won't help us by the time we head over there. The Vorlons need to get with the program."

Delenn frowns slightly at his language but does not comment. The gash on his cheek worries her. It looks like a burn and she wonders if it will ever fully heal.

"I have an ointment that may help with that," she tells him, and she walks off to her bathroom to get it.

"Is it Minbari?" he asks her when she returns with a small jar.

"Human, actually," she says with a smile. "I bought it at the Zocolo a while ago. It would seem that my skin no longer tolerates Minbari skin care products."

When she sits down next to him, jar in hand, he gently touches her cheek with his fingers.

"Your skin is amazing."

Delenn chuckles.

"I think you are a little biased when it comes to me."

"Abso-fraggin-lutely," he admits readily and they both laugh at that.

"Hold still," Delenn instructs, turning serious again, and he watches her face as she concentrates on applying the ointment on his wound.

When he first got to know her, he never could have dreamed she'd fuss over him like this but they really are getting very close. It's as if he's known her for a lot longer than two years and it feels good. Right. As if he's right where he's supposed to be. The right people in the right place at the right time indeed.

* * *

They got their victory. The Vorlons pulled it off, but it has come at a high price. Ambassador Kosh is dead. He was assassinated in his quarters.

They're keeping it a secret for now. The Vorlons are sending a replacement and nobody will even know that the Vorlon isn't the same one inside his encounter suit. All the other races have now signed on with the Army of Light. It was the push they needed and if they learn that Kosh has been killed, it would demoralize them instantly. John appreciates it a lot that the Vorlons are agreeing to keep Kosh's death under wraps, but he has a hard time accepting it himself. He realizes that it hadn't been a threat from Kosh that he wouldn't help him at Z'ha'dum. The Vorlon had known what was coming and he simply won't be there to help because he's dead. He remembers his own angry words, hurled at the Ambassador when he said he wouldn't be there to help him.

"You already said if I go to Z'ha'dum, I'll die."

"Yes. Now," had been the Ambassador's cryptic reply. Suddenly those words are not so cryptic anymore.

Seeing his ship off after putting all of Kosh's effects inside had even been a little emotional. It looks like his ship is actually mourning him and it's now off to perform its last duty. On top of that, Stephen Franklin has resigned as head of the Medlabs to work on his personal problems and his addiction to stims. It's a lot to take in and he longs for a good night's sleep. Preferably with Delenn in his arms. What he wouldn't give to just be able to hold her now. There are no ulterior motives there. He just wants to have her close to him. He tosses and turns in his bed and shakes his head at himself. He's slept alone for over four years and aside from that one night on the White Star, she's never been with him during the night. And yet, he misses her and he wonders if she thinks of him as well, or if she's sleeping peacefully after meditating on everything that's happened for a while. Maybe he should try it too sometimes. He might benefit from it, and the worst case scenario would be that he'd fall asleep again. And he desperately wants to sleep.

John gets up and rummages through his kitchen drawers until he finds a tiny candle. It's a tea light really, but still. It has a real flame. He sets the small light on his coffee table and sits down on the floor to look at it. His thoughts are a jumbled mess, but gradually, he notices that they are beginning to arrange themselves.

They've scored a decisive victory against the Shadows. All the other worlds have signed on. Kosh knew that there would be a price but he did it anyway. He knew that it's not about them as individuals but that they need to fight for everyone, and he himself had been no exception. And the Vorlons have agreed to keep his death a secret, so the fragile new alliance won't be jeopardized. They're on their side, the side of light.

The small flame flickers and he can't help wondering if their light is as fragile as this small candle. But then he realizes that the flame will never die, as long as they keep lighting each other up. There are millions, billions of them, not just one. They're not alone anymore. They're taking a stand together, passing the light on to each other as they go. And that light will last, maybe for another thousand years.

As the flame dies, he thinks of Stephen and he sends a silent prayer up to the stars for his friend. When he finally gets up to go back to bed, he feels more peaceful than he had thought possible. He smiles and closes his eyes. Delenn isn't there with him, but in a way she is. She's teaching him, even when they are apart. And it's enough for now.

* * *

 **To be continued next Saturday. Meanwhile, I love getting reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

_Setting of next scenes: after episodes 16 and 17 ("War Without End") - the story in these episodes is too complicated to explain in a few words here so I can only hope you guys remember what happened with Babylon 4! I am going to focus on just a few things from that story in this chapter, using them after the fact. Do let me know what you think._

* * *

Sometimes, her capacity to keep secrets unnerves him. John has figured out by now that Delenn used to have one of the highest positions in Minbari society, if not the highest. And because of that position, and of course her innate curiosity, she knows things. About the Shadows and the Vorlons and their histories. About the Humans. Even about Sinclair and him personally. But how could she have known about Babylon 4 and not tell anyone? Her excuse is that she was afraid to say anything, in case she might accidentally change the future. But she's known what happened to Babylon 4 ever since she first came to Babylon 5. That's a long time to keep something as huge as this to herself and he can't help wondering what else she hasn't told him.

She had asked him if he trusts her when they first left for sector 14, and he had told her that he does. With my life, he'd said. But it irks him that she knew things, and even Sinclair knew things, that he knew nothing about before _they_ decided to share them with him. Well, as far as Sinclair shared anything at first. John had gone along with their plans for her, nobody else.

He gets it now, now that all is said and done. Who would have thought that Sinclair would turn out to be, or become or have been, one of the holiest figures in Minbari history? Valen, a Minbari not born of Minbari. The one who helped them defeat the Shadows a thousand years ago, using Babylon 4 as a base of operation. The founder of the new order on Minbar and of the Grey Council. A man with knowledge of the future. That makes sense now. It's easy to know things when you're _from_ the future. They can't tell anyone else, but the mystery of the disappearance of Babylon 4 finally isn't a mystery to him anymore.

Despite the secrecy that irked him, Delenn took charge of the situation in a way that made him feel incredibly proud of her. At least for the part he witnessed. That trip into the future he made when his time stabilizer was damaged, won't leave him alone. It was ominous and it was promising at the same time. Delenn had been there, on Centauri Prime, which had been in flames. Not knowing that she was speaking to his past self, she had talked about their son. He can barely believe it. They're going to have a son? He's afraid to hope at this point because none of that future may ever happen. He's been warned a few times by Kosh that if he goes to Z'ha'dum, he will die. And future Delenn had warned him again, _not_ to go to Z'ha'dum. And now he doesn't know which decision will trigger which future so he's trying not to think about it too much. He just wants to remember the outpouring of love he'd received from her, to see it as a down-payment of what they still have to look forward to. It had been almost eighteen years into the future and she had kissed him with the same passion she kisses him with today. And for now, that is enough to help him sleep at night.

* * *

Delenn is slowly coming to terms with the loss of her old friend Jeffrey Sinclair. She knows there was no other way, but that doesn't make the sense of loss any less. Still, it doesn't compare to the loss she had felt when John had suddenly disappeared. Sinclair had seen her despair and had promised her he would be alright, but she had felt like a part of her was missing the whole time John was gone. The phrase 'the other half of our souls' has taken on a completely new meaning for her personally. She had felt like half of her very soul had been missing and it is a frightening realization that she no longer feels complete without him. She, Delenn of Mir, the chosen to replace Dukhat in the Grey Council; she who had always prided herself in being independent and capable of thinking for herself; she who needed no one, or liked to make herself believe she needed no one; she now finds herself needing someone so badly that it hurts.

She had been ready to abandon their mission for him and that frightens her. No matter what happens, it should not be about the two of them. They need to stay focused. And yet, her heart will not be silent and it is telling her that she needs to open up to John more; to tell him more of all the things she's kept from him. Perhaps to tell him everything.

Half a truth is worse than a lie. That's what Marcus had said on Babylon 4, confronting Sinclair with his own words. It had been confronting for her as well because lately, she has been telling many half-truths. She tells herself she is protecting John and their cause but is she, really? Or are her intentions less noble than she wants them to be?

When John comes to her quarters that night, she chases all her restless thoughts away and allows herself to simply enjoy spending time with him. He is here, with her. It is all she needs tonight. She remembers the strange flash she had experienced on board Babylon 4, in which she was watching John sleep. She knows she wants to do that again, to complete the ritual so they can move forward in their relationship. But someone had come into his quarters in that flash, making her drop the snow globe. Somewhere deep down in the pit of her stomach, she knows who it was. Or, she knows who she fears it might be. But it can't be. And if it is, it will not really be her. Will it?

John is murmuring something very sweet in her ear and she tries to push her worries aside. He is thanking her for always being on his side and it makes her swallow hard. She wants to be on his side; support him like she had when John had decided to test their theory that Shadow ships might be vulnerable to telepathic jamming. She and G'Kar had been the only two willing to volunteer a ship for that mission, which had proven partly successful, and now they are openly recruiting telepaths to help in the war. The Shadows know that their weakness has been exposed and there isn't much time left to get ready. Delenn wants to be John's ally in everything but she worries sometimes if she isn't being selfish. If she shouldn't tell him what she and Kosh suspect happened to the crew of the Icarus, including Anna Sheridan. But John brings up something else and the moment passes, and she lets it slide for now.

* * *

 _Setting of next scenes: during episode 19 ("Grey 17 is missing") the episode where Delenn is named Ranger One. I decided to look at things from Lennier's point of view for a change. I hope you'll like it._

* * *

He is incredibly proud of Delenn. Since becoming her aide, he has learned so much from her. She knows many languages and approaches every species with the greatest respect as well as knowledge of their culture and economy. He is learning the art of diplomacy in all its facets and it amazes him how seemingly easily Delenn navigates around, over and even through obstacles at times. If her physical change has made her less secure about where exactly she belongs now in the universe, it certainly doesn't show in her dealings with others. She forges ahead undeterred yet gracefully, set on fulfilling her destiny and with an unwavering faith in Valen's prophecy and vision. He is proud to stand beside her and to help her wherever he can, and it fills him with a sense of purpose that she has come to rely on him in a way.

And now, she has been asked to take over from Sinclair as the head of the Rangers. She doesn't want to, of course. Her ambition has never been to lead, only to serve, but she is a true leader at heart, even if she will not admit it to herself.

Lennier hates that not everyone can see how pure Delenn's heart truly is. Neroon has taken it upon himself to threaten Delenn, feeling that as a warrior, he should be the one to lead the Rangers, and accusing her of being power hungry. If only Neroon knew her like he knows her!

No Minbari has killed another Minbari in over a thousand years and he is not about to let this happen. He can't understand why Delenn won't let him tell the Captain though. Lennier has his own thoughts about the amount of time Delenn is spending with Captain Sheridan these days, but if there's one thing he can be sure of, it is that the commanding officer of Babylon 5 would do anything to protect her. He's already proven that before, with the Inquisitor and when Delenn was kidnapped by a pro-Clark group. But Sheridan is not to know and Lennier doesn't get it. Is this another facet of diplomacy, that she will not have a Human interfere in internal matters concerning the Minbari? If that is the case, Lennier will go to the Rangers instead. The Rangers do play a part in this conflict, even if the Babylon 5 command staff doesn't. If Lennier were to try and stop Neroon himself, it would trigger a civil war between their two castes. But a non-Minbari Ranger could. He knows one Ranger who would be willing and able to delay Neroon until after the ceremony. That one Ranger is Marcus Cole.

* * *

He is a little less restless now, knowing Marcus is going to confront Neroon as soon as he shows himself near the ceremony. Dozens of Rangers are arriving at the station and Delenn and the Captain are receiving them at the docking bay. They're sitting there now, waiting for the next group and Lennier watches them from a distance for a minute. Delenn is talking quietly and Sheridan is listening intently, his arm draped loosely around her. He recognizes the look in the other man's eyes. It's hard to miss. He loves her.

Lennier doesn't know how to feel about that. The Captain is not Minbari. He shouldn't be this close to her. But then again, Delenn has changed. She is now biologically half Human, even if her heart and soul are still pure Minbari. And she clearly doesn't mind how close the Human is getting to her. He can deny it all he wants, but in the end, he knows. Both of them would die for her but only one of them can have her. He's told Marcus once that he has accepted in his heart that Delenn is destined for another, but that doesn't mean it's easy for him to watch her get close to a Human. He feels conflicted about it. He will never tell her though. It's not his place.

* * *

Lennier hadn't really been able to focus on the ceremony but he's glad it all worked out. Neroon has seen the error of his ways and is humbled, seeing how a Human had been willing to die for someone of another race, invoking a fight to the death, while he had been set on killing one of his own. From now on, Neroon will accept Delenn's leadership because he knows the Rangers would not die for him like they would for her. He has told her this publicly and Lennier suspects they have just gained an influential ally in the warrior caste.

Marcus is badly injured and they visit him in Medlab. Delenn is very annoyed about how Lennier had decided to handle things, but both Lennier and Marcus don't regret it for even a minute. Even if Lennier isn't a Ranger himself, both men live for the One, and would die for the One. Since Marcus is a Human, Neroon hadn't actually killed him. Had Lennier tried to stop him, things would have ended very differently and Delenn is upset at the lengths these men would go to in order to protect her. It shouldn't be about her, she insists. Then, yet another man enters Medlab who would stop at nothing to protect her. Captain John Sheridan.

"Sometimes an individual _is_ the bigger picture for a while, Delenn," the Captain says. "That's what you are in this case. You know what would happen if the warrior caste took over the Rangers."

Lennier knows it too. Neroon would have morphed the Rangers into a force that would only fight for Minbar and would probably have gotten rid of the Human Rangers over time. It would have defeated their purpose entirely.

"It could only be you so this time, it _was_ about you," Sheridan continues and Lennier knows he agrees with the Captain on this. "If you ever have to give up the position, for whatever reason, another person will take your place and it will be alright. But today, it could only be you."

Delenn smiles at the Captain and Lennier looks away. He is trying to accept it but that doesn't mean he has to torture himself by looking at it. He thinks he'd melt on the spot if she ever looked at him like that. Perhaps it is better this way. Whatever would she do with a puddle of him anyway? He is her aide and he's proud of it. He will stand by her and do for her whatever she asks of him. Perhaps one day she'll recognize his devotion for what it is. Until then, he will devote his life to serving her to the best of his abilities.

* * *

 **To be continued next week.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Setting of next scene: towards the end of episode 20 ("And The Rock Cried Out, No Hiding Place"): the church service and the White Star fleet. There was a lot of cuteness in this episode that I leave untouched (worth rewatching though, just like the rest of this superb episode!). I think these scenes work very well through Lennier's eyes once more. After this, we move back to J & D perspectives._

* * *

Reverend Dexter is right. Such wisdom from a Human. Lennier can still hear his powerful words ringing in his ears.

 _"Every day, here and at home, we are warned about the enemy. But who **is** the enemy? Is it the alien? Well, we are **all** alien to one another. Is it the one who believes differently than we do? No. Oh **no** , my friends. The enemy is fear. The enemy is ignorance. The enemy is the one who tells you that you must hate that which is different. Because in the end, that hate will turn on you, and that same hate **will**_ _destroy you."_

Does he hate that which is different, Lennier wonders? He feels no specific hate against other races and he knows the reverend's words had been comforting for Delenn in particular. Both Humans and Minbari look at her and see that she is different. He should be happy for her that so many do accept her. That Captain Sheridan accepts her, ignoring all the differences between them.

And yet, maybe there is something there, Lennier thinks, because he does look at the differences between them. He wishes for their species to stay separate, even if Delenn is now a cross between both. It's confusing to the young Minbari and he isn't ready to acknowledge that he only looks at the difference where Delenn is concerned. If it had been any other Minbari female with a Human, he would not have lost any sleep over it. He might have had an opinion about it but it would not have kept him up at night. But he can't acknowledge that. How would he function as her aide if he admitted to himself what he truly feels?

And now Delenn has revealed the new White Star fleet to Sheridan, and Lennier can do nothing but watch the interaction between the two of them play out in front of him.

"The White Star was never intended to be one of a kind. It was only the first," Delenn tells Sheridan. "We've been working around the clock to construct them. I said we needed time to prepare. This is why. The first wave of ships is finished at last. The Rangers will pilot them under our shared command. We are as ready for them as we will ever be. We finally have, as you say, a fighting chance."

"I don't know what to say," he tells her softly. Sheridan is completely overwhelmed. Speechless. Lennier looks at the enormous fleet of ships around them proudly but his eyes move back to Delenn and the Captain when she lifts a hand and gently touches the Captain's cheek. Lennier quickly looks down at his instruments.

"Then say nothing," he hears Delenn say softly.

He knows without looking up that all his suspicions are now being confirmed in the open, in front of the entire crew of the White Star. They are kissing each other. When he lifts his eyes, his chest constricts. This isn't their first kiss, that is obvious, and it's very passionate and intimate. It takes them quite a while to break apart and when Delenn makes eye contact with Lennier, she doesn't even seem embarrassed. She seems … happy. She holds Sheridan's hand and when they fly around the fleet to take another look before returning to the station, she never lets go of it. She is his and he is hers and there is nothing he can do about it.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: episode 21 ("Shadow Dancing"), the very end of the episode … obviously._

* * *

Delenn smiles as she watches John's relaxed face. It had taken him quite a while to finally fall asleep but he is resting now, as he should be. She knows she hadn't made it easy for him to go to sleep. She had slipped into bed with him and they had spent some time together; talking, touching, kissing. They had discussed Stephen returning at last, and the latest battle against the Shadows. It had been the first time all the other races had joined in the fight, a telepath assigned to each ship. They had lost many ships but had managed to drive the Shadows away, saving thousands of refugees. They know the Shadows will come for them soon now, so this night may be the last night they will have for a while. They have both decided to lock out the universe for a few hours and enjoy it. It's the perfect night for this ritual. The male sleeps while the female watches him, until his true face is revealed.

He isn't wearing a shirt and she knows it's intentional. He knew she would not be able to resist touching him with that much skin at her disposal. It had been difficult for her to stop her hands from wandering and that had amused him. She had told him jokingly that she did not appreciate being rendered this helpless and she would leave to go and meditate if he didn't stop teasing her.

In turn, John had discovered underneath her robe what she usually wears at night and had made a point of getting to know her bare shoulders and arms better. She had whimpered a little when he'd kissed his way down her neck and collarbone and to his credit, he had left her chest alone. When he had finally agreed to go to sleep so she could watch him, as the ritual prescribed, he'd grinned at her a few times. She had gotten up and tied her robe tightly around herself, covering as much of herself as possible, and John had finally closed his eyes to get some sleep.

It is very quiet in his quarters now. She can't even hear him breathe. She moves away from his bed and picks up the snow globe that is sitting on his kitchen counter. He has already revealed his true face to her and she loves it. She doesn't have to look for it anymore. She smiles as she turns the snow globe over and watches the shiny flakes swirl around inside. She loves him and he loves her. It is perfect.

And then, the door to John's quarters suddenly opens and her entire world comes crashing down - just like the snow globe that shatters on the floor when she drops it. Delenn freezes, unable to respond in any way as she hears the words that she had feared all along.

"Hello. You must be Delenn. I'm Anna Sheridan. John's wife."

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: season 3 finale ("Z'ha'dum") - I will follow the drama in the episode in part (I HAD to leave the argument in!) and will add a little to it._

* * *

John doesn't have a clue what's going on. Delenn has just called his name, telling him to wake up, and has disappeared into his bathroom with her clothes. She has closed the sliding doors to his bedroom and he quickly hops out of bed and grabs his robe.

"Delenn, what's going on?" he calls out through the door of the bathroom.

"We have company," she tells him through the closed door, and he wonders who it could be to make her flee the scene like that.

He puts on his robe and opens the sliding doors and then his world stops for a moment.

It can't be. This is impossible.

He just stares at the woman in black in his quarters but what he sees doesn't track with what he knows. It can't be her. It can't be …

"Anna?"

She just stands there, watching him.

"My God …," John gasps, "what are you doing here?"

It's clearly not the reaction the woman had expected but he isn't processing what is going on.

"What are you doing here? After five years, that's the best you can do?" she asks.

Delenn reappears behind him, now fully dressed and Anna glances at her before commenting dryly,

"Though under the circumstances I can understand."

John turns to look at Delenn, who quickly tells them she should go, and rushes out of his quarters. He calls after her but Anna tells him he can talk to her later. When she approaches him, he recoils and Anna does an excellent job making him think Delenn knew about her all along. She must have convinced him she's not the real Anna, and so she agrees to undergo whatever tests he wants to prove that she really is his wife. She approaches him again and John feels like he's suffocating. His heart is pulling him in two opposite directions. Here is what looks like a carbon copy of his beloved late wife, and out there, Delenn must be so upset. How is a man supposed to deal with this? And now Anna tells him she wants him to understand everything. All he has to do is come with her to Z'ha'dum …

* * *

Stephen has run all the tests he can think of and every result is the same. It's really her. There is nothing out of the ordinary to be found, just some epidermal scarring at the nape of her neck.

"Anything beneath it?" John asks and he's almost hoping Stephen says yes. Because no matter how much this woman looks like his Anna, he knows there's something chillingly different about her. She's cold. Almost as if she's completely dead inside. He'd seen it the instant he'd laid eyes on her in his quarters. He'd tried to chalk it up to the uncomfortable circumstances with Delenn there but that feeling hasn't gone away since.

His Anna would have cried, seeing him again for the first time in five years and after three years of no contact at all. And she would have called ahead. Perhaps it's true that she couldn't send a message from Z'ha'dum, but there's no way he believes she had no way to contact him while she was en route to Babylon 5. His Anna would have contacted him. She was never into surprises, always planning ahead, and she would have been extremely upset that he had been led to believe she had died. And no matter how hard it would have been for her to see him with another woman, she wouldn't have come out guns blazing, flat-out accusing Delenn of misleading him, as if Delenn should have known she was still alive. How was Delenn supposed to know? And how could Anna even know anything about Delenn?

This Anna is not a woman he longs to touch. She is acting like an agent of the Shadows and until further notice, that's how he's going to treat her, no matter how much seeing her beautiful face affects him.

She wants him to know what it's all really about, and for that, he will need to come with her to the Shadow home world. The lion's den. He feels very torn about it. Before he can make any kind of decision, he needs to talk to Delenn. He has to know what she and Kosh knew. And if she really did know Anna was still alive or even suspected she might be, he doesn't know what he'll do. It casts a doubt on everything they've been building together. If it turns out that everything they've shared has been built on a lie … he doesn't know if he could forgive her for it.

John finds himself almost running to meet Delenn, but not because he's looking forward to seeing her. He wants answers and he wants them now.

* * *

Delenn has been pacing in the conference room. She is frantic and she can't remember ever feeling like this before. Her stomach is in turmoil and she thinks she might throw up. John has basically ordered her to meet him and she knows he is angry. The man who comes storming into the room is a far cry from the man she had just spent the night with and it hurts her physically to see his rage, which is now directed at her personally.

He is asking her if that woman is really Anna, but she tells him she doesn't know. How can she be certain? _He_ is the one who should be able to recognize his own wife. Just thinking that word hurts her. His wife. Each time he takes a step towards her, she moves away. He is accusing her and Kosh of deliberately making him believe the crew of the Icarus had all died, even showing him images of the Icarus waking up the Shadows. He grabs her upper arms to stop her from trying to get away from him, and she flinches when he yells in her face,

"You gave me every reason to believe she's dead! How could you do that, if you didn't know for sure!"

"Those who would not serve the Shadows were killed," she tells him with a shaky voice. "That we knew without question. We assumed she would not serve. Perhaps we were wrong."

"Anna would never work for those things!" he yells.

"Then I have no explanation."

He doesn't accept her answer and she knows he is right not to. He takes a few steps away from her and she knows he is trying to reign in his anger, but he doesn't succeed.

"You have no explanation. That's _it?_ Dammit Delenn. I have always felt that … that you were holding out on me on a couple of things. I figured you had your reasons, but _this?_ "

He gasps for air but he isn't done yet.

"I mean … if you weren't sure … if there was even a chance of her being alive, why the hell didn't you tell me?!"

She walks up to him then. Her only option now is to tell him the truth.

"Because you would have gone to Z'ha'dum after her. We could not allow that."

She feels the anger coming off him in waves and she doesn't blame him. He has every right to be angry with her.

"You and Kosh … _you_ couldn't allow it."

His voice is low now and it frightens her more than his yelling. He sits down hard on a bench and can barely look at her anymore.

"I trusted you, Delenn," he says darkly and she knows that she has just lost his trust, probably forever.

He tells her how difficult it was for him to try and get over Anna, and to start loving her instead and her treacherous heart knows that her love for him was part of her decision to remain silent. And it had been wrong. She had been wrong. So very wrong.

He seems defeated now, as if he knows this is the end of them, just when they were getting so close.

She sits down beside him and when he asks her one last time if she would have told him if she _had_ known Anna was still alive, she can only tell him the truth.

"That would depend. It would depend on what she had become. Z'ha'dum is the home world of the Shadows. No one leaves there the same as they arrived."

"You would have denied me the right to make that choice," John says bitterly, and she can't look at him now. He stands up and looks down at her with eyes full of anger and pain when he asks her,

"How can you say that, and expect me to ever trust you again?"

She doesn't. She already knows she has lost his trust, and rightly so. She has no defense and she knows that whatever they had, is gone now. And it's her fault. Not his. Not Anna's. She can't even blame the Shadows. The blame lies solely with her.

John walks away and she needs him to know one thing. He stops walking for a moment when she speaks, but never turns back around to look at her.

"John … I do love you. If you believe nothing else I ever say … please … please believe that."

He knows her heart is breaking and despite all the anger and reproach he feels towards her, his own heart breaks as well. He can't look back now or he won't be able to leave. He believes her on this. She does love him. But he can't forgive her for what she's done. Not yet. He has to think about it for a while and for the first time in a long time, he has nobody to talk to. Because that had been her for him these past few months.

He walks out of the room and decides to go for a walk. He doesn't want to see Anna now, and she's probably in his quarters again. He just needs some time to clear his head, to get all of the emotional clutter out of the way so he can focus on what to do next.

* * *

 **To be continued. This episode is far from over …**


	14. Chapter 14

_Setting of next scene: season 3 finale continued._

* * *

John has been walking for a while in the gardens. He's relieved that there is hardly anyone there and finds a place to sit where he hopes nobody will spot him. He really longs for home right now, to sit on the back porch of the family farm and look out over the fields around it. It had been his favorite place to relax back home. He's even thought of taking Delenn there one day, to show her where he grew up.

Everything is different now.

He takes a deep breath and breathes out slowly, and he finds himself wanting to understand Delenn's reasoning. Did she really think he'd go off half-cocked and rush to Z'ha'dum if he thought Anna was still alive? That he wouldn't use his brains for a rescue mission like that, to the Shadow home world of all places? Maybe she's half right about that. He would have been unstoppable but he'd like to think that he would have been cautious as well.

He believes her when she says that nobody leaves Z'ha'dum the same way they came. He can see that in Anna. As upsetting as it is, the person who now lives inside Anna's body is not his wife. She doesn't even come close. Anna _did_ die at Z'ha'dum. They're just abusing her body now to get what they want from him.

But would he have believed it then? If Delenn _had_ told him there might still be Humans alive on Z'ha'dum, would he have accepted that they might not be the same people anymore?

John sighs and shakes his head. Probably not. He would have stopped at nothing to get Anna back and it's very likely that he would have died trying. And for what? For this shell that's walking around his station now? From the looks of it, she's had no trouble surviving among the Shadows and that's really all he needs to know. The Shadows don't take hostages. Instead, they did something to her and God knows how many others, like those telepaths they have in cryo right now. Kosh must have known that and told Delenn to keep quiet. It must have been hard for her to keep that secret and when he realizes he's trying to rationalize Delenn's deceit, he knows what he's doing. He still loves her and there's nothing he can do about it. He just needs to trust that it hadn't been jealousy on her part that made her stay silent. She may be a Minbari at heart but she's also a woman.

John leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and rests his face in his hands. What a mess. Anna's timing is unbelievable. But from the point of view of the Shadows, it makes sense. The alliance is gaining ground. They've found their weakness and finally that shipment of telepaths with Shadow technology implanted in their brains makes sense. The Shadows have been looking for ways to stick telepaths in their own ships, hoping they'd be able to counter their efforts to jam their ships. Telepaths used as cannon fodder on both sides … it's disgusting.

' _If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will die.'_

Kosh's words keep echoing in his mind and he knows that he shouldn't go. He also remembers Delenn's warning from the future, _not_ to go to Z'ha'dum. But what if that future he'd seen on Centauri Prime had been caused because he'd listened to those warnings? What if he _should_ go? Maybe he can outsmart the Shadows somehow.

Stephen hasn't found any implants in Anna's brain but the report John receives from the Doctor about the scarring in Anna's neck might as well have said he had. And that actually helps him make up his mind about several things at once.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: the time-delayed video message … :(_

 _I am leaving out what happens on Z'ha'dum in the meantime for now, just highlighting the station's viewpoint of the day._

* * *

Any attempt to stick to her normal routine has failed miserably. Delenn has asked Lennier to cancel all her appointments for two days, and has retreated into her quarters. After Lennier had prodded her a little, she had simply told him 'John's wife has returned'. Lennier had been as stunned as she was but had not asked her anything else. She is grateful that she has an aide who is supportive and understanding. She would be lost without him now. And he has left her alone to deal with her pain and regret without question, as she has asked, only placing some food in her quarters from time to time without disturbing her.

Delenn hasn't eaten much, spending her time meditating and thinking instead. And while guilt and regret are eating away at her, she can't help wondering if she really had been wrong to stay silent. She was only confronted with Anna for a few minutes but the woman had not struck her as likable at all. And that wasn't just her jealousy talking. She cannot imagine John loving a woman as cold as this one and she can only assume that Anna has somehow been changed by the Shadows, like she had expected.

She finds herself wishing Kosh was still here. He would have known. He would have recognized any Shadow influence in Anna instantly and he would have convinced John that it had been in his best interest not to know she was still alive, because what she is now can barely be considered being alive. But as hard as she tries to justify their silence somehow, it doesn't work. She knows it was wrong of her not to trust John; not to trust that he would be sensible about it and listen to them before launching a rescue mission. And now that they have gotten so close … have fallen in love … it should have been another big reason to tell him. Instead, she had done the opposite. She had remained silent because she loved him and because she feared for him. He is right to say that he cannot trust her again. She has broken his trust and has probably lost his love as well. And she deserves it.

And so she sits in shame, trying to accept her loss and find balance again. Alone, like she used to be. John doesn't contact her even once and she has no idea how he is dealing with it all.

The second night after their night together, something seems to snap inside her. Perhaps it is the lack of food and maybe it is the lack of comfort but she cries at last. She feels as if John has never been further away from her. He might as well be on the other side of the galaxy. And then her monitor beeps, indicating she has a message.

Delenn wipes her tears away and fastens the sash of her robe before walking over to the monitor.

"Yes?"

"Authorization needed to deliver time-delayed message, recorded by Captain Sheridan. Do you accept?"

"Yes," she whispers again and then his handsome face appears on the screen. He's smiling hesitantly and then begins to speak.

 _"Delenn, by the time you get this message, I will be at Z'ha'dum ... with Anna."_

Delenn gasps and folds her hands in front of her chest. He _is_ on the other side of the galaxy!

" _I can pretty much guess your reaction when you hear this, but I think it's the only way. When you and I were in the time rift with Babylon 4, for a moment, I jumped forward in time. We'd won the war, but Centauri Prime had been devastated. You said that this future couldn't be changed. You also told me, very clearly, not to go to Z'ha'dum. I began to wonder ... What if that future happened because I listened to your warning and didn't go to Z'ha'dum? What if ... what if I could prevent the fall of Centauri Prime and end the Shadow War by going there?"_

She can hardly process that he is once again sharing his thoughts with her, as if nothing has changed between them. But she is terrified that he is making a huge mistake.

John's message continues and his words move her deeply. But she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry right now.

" _What I want ... is to stay alive, to be with you. But you were right before. This is about more than what I want. So I'm going, even though I know it's almost certainly a trap."_

So he knows. He knows that it's not his real wife that came back. It is her body but that is all. Anna is gone, never to return and John knows it. Delenn doesn't know how to feel about it but her heart soars at his words, that he still wants to come back to her. That he sees she was right in a way, even if she feels she was completely wrong. But he is seeing the bigger picture again, where personal wants and needs take a backseat to what must be done.

She feels she does not deserve his forgiveness but she knows she will not reject it either. She loves him too deeply to let him go when she may not have to. Maybe that is selfish but it is what is in her heart.

An alarm sounds and John's message is paused. An emergency broadcast appears on her screen and a chill runs through her when she learns that Babylon 5 has just been surrounded by Shadow ships. If they decide to attack, they will not stand a chance. But the ships do not move. They are just there, as if waiting for something. Deep down, Delenn knows this has to do with John and she closes her eyes, waiting with the Shadows, for whatever is to come.

She hears people running down the corridors and all fighters are being launched to defend them. But nothing happens for quite a while and Delenn activates John's message again to hear the rest of it. He is smiling again and she loves how his eyes soften when he speaks. But his final words are very serious and bitter sweet.

" _Finally, I heard what you said when I left. And I want you to know that I love you Delenn. Goodbye."_

She knows this is a real goodbye and she sinks to the floor breaking down in tears once more, just when suddenly, all the Shadow ships vanish as if they were never there.

Something enormous has just happened and it is as final as it can be.

It is goodbye.

* * *

Lennier is her rock. He takes turns keeping vigil with her for John's return and is never far away when she needs him. The war has paused abruptly and a sense of deep loss is felt all around the station. Everyone assumes that the Captain is dead, but he must have done something before the end, making all the Shadow ships leave. There are no reports of Shadow attacks anywhere anymore. John may have walked into a trap but he must have been able to hit them. G'Kar thinks he must have used the two thermonuclear bombs that are missing from the station's arsenal. Nobody could have survived such a blast. On top of that, Mr. Garibaldi has not returned with his fighter and they light a candle for him as well.

It is quiet in her quarters. They do not speak. They just sit, and pray, and wait.

* * *

 **To be continued ...**


	15. Chapter 15

**I am so sorry I forgot to upload this chapter on Saturday! Birthdays ... Anyway, here it is. Better a day late than never?**

 _Setting: season 4, episode 1 and 2. A few thoughts of Delenn, summarizing these two episodes, not chronologically._

* * *

It has been nine days since John Sheridan and Michael Garibaldi disappeared. Delenn has not had anything to eat or drink for seven days and Doctor Franklin stops by her quarters. She knows Lennier has sent for him and while it is a breach of protocol, she understands. But still. She will not eat. She remains seated cross-legged on her sofa and Doctor Franklin joins her. He says she is endangering her life and nothing is going to be served by that.

"Justice is served," she says quietly, staring into the distance. "It's my fault that John is gone. My fault that the alliance against the Shadows has crumbled. That the heart has gone out of them."

The other races have recalled their ships. They have abandoned the cause and only she is to blame. John had risked his life for them, has maybe lost it, but they will not take any more risks for him. They believe he is dead and if they attack Z'ha'dum, that they will be buried alongside him. It's all her fault and she finally admits it out loud.

"For a long time, I was afraid his wife might still be alive on Z'ha'dum, but I … I never asked. I never told him. I denied him the right to choose his actions wisely. I broke the trust between us. And when he learned the truth on his own … he didn't choose his actions. His actions chose him, and he went away."

No one had been willing to help. The Vorlon had told her to her face that John was now irrelevant to them. That he had opened an unexpected door by blowing up the capital of Z'ha'dum with the two bombs he had taken with him on the White Star, throwing the Shadows into disarray. The Vorlons no longer need him and will only do what must be done now, whatever that means. Vir's contacts say that John was last seen on Z'ha'dum falling into a chasm that was two miles deep, just as the bombs exploded. Everyone believes it is safe to assume he did not survive the drop.

Only Lyta and Susan had still believed, and the three of them had taken a White Star out to Z'ha'dum. But they were unable to pick up any trace of John anywhere, and with the planet's defense system still firmly in place, landing on the planet had not been an option.

"I have sometimes heard Humans say, Minbari never tell anyone the whole truth," Delenn continues. "But I am no longer wholly Minbari. I should have changed my heart more than I did. But I …"

Her voice breaks and she finally shows her emotion when she stammers,

"... loved him and I … wanted to protect him. I should have loved him less and trusted him more."

She looks at the Doctor and then stands up to walk away from him. He stands up as well and she tells him, her back still turned to him,

"Thank you for coming, Stephen but … my fast will continue. If John does not return from Z'ha'dum, if he's … if he's dead … then my soul will join him, even if I cannot. And as I promised him long ago … I will see him again … in a place where no shadows fall."

Stephen leaves and she knows he will talk to Lennier. She appreciates their concern but she simply sees no reason to continue any more. Everything has fallen apart and if John doesn't come back, any hope of taking a strong stand against the darkness is gone anyway.

* * *

A while later, the Doctor calls her, asking her to meet him in John's quarters. Delenn does not look forward to seeing all his belongings while he is not there but she goes anyway. Maybe it will make her feel a little closer to him. She had not expected to find the Doctor going through his things to decide what to do with them. They are cleaning out his quarters already? If she had wanted to eat anything, this certainly would have prevented her from taking even a sip of water. She feels sick inside. But when he hands her a data crystal from John's personal log, asking her to take a look at it, she decides to do it. Franklin leaves her alone to watch the log entry by herself.

The entry was made on May 14, 2260. That's over 7 months ago. Babylon 5 had just broken away from Earth and he mentions that they'd had a quiet day for a change. She thinks he must have recorded this after their dinner in his quarters, when he'd made Flarn for her. In the log, John talks about how he is choosing to deal with the new situation, to turn it into something positive.

" _My dad always told me, that's the only way you deal with pain. You don't surrender. You don't fight it. You turn it into something positive."_

Her vision is becoming blurry because of the tears in her eyes, but she is listening to him. She really is. John chuckles and continues.

" _He used to say, if you're falling off a cliff, you may as well try to fly. You've got nothing to lose."_

He pauses and turns serious when he adds,

" _In a way … I feel the same way about Delenn."_

Delenn approaches the screen slowly while John explains how all Minbari were once the enemy, and here he is, in love with one of them. For a long time, he hadn't wanted to say anything but, as he puts it,

" _The moment my heart crossed that line, there wasn't much I could do but see it through. Yeah, I've fallen off one hell of a cliff … but when I look in her eyes …"_

He smiles and Delenn reaches up to touch the screen, as if caressing his cheek one last time.

" _... I let myself think that maybe I really can fly."_

Delenn sighs, trying to stop herself from trembling. She knows Stephen is waiting right outside for her to finish but she needs a moment.

She understands why he wanted her to see this, and it is not just because of his declaration of love, however moving. It is because of that other message, about turning pain into something positive. And it strikes a cord with her. John would not want her to give up now. Withering away because of her guilt would not honor his memory. They need to finish what he started. He threw the Shadows off balance and they need to deliver the final blow. Together. All of them. And if the non-aligned worlds won't lead, then the Rangers will. She is Ranger One after all.

If no one will lead, she will. For him. For their cause. And for the universe.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: episode 3 ("The Summoning") - still only from Delenn's perspective. John is gone, after all ..._

* * *

The Rangers were a little shocked to find out that she wants them to lead an attack on Z'ha'dum. And so are the other races. Ivanova's attempts to find more of the First Ones have been unsuccessful so far. Delenn is actually running the station now in the Commander's absence and she feels slightly better since she has started eating again and has something to focus on. It is disturbing that the Vorlons seem to have their own agenda now. They will not support their planned attack on the Shadow home world.

The Brakiri Ambassador visits Delenn to warn her that a protest rally is being organized against her plans to attack Z'ha'dum, to discourage the few worlds that have signed on with her and the Rangers, so they will withdraw their ships. She acknowledges everyone's right to protest and will do nothing to try and stop the rally, but she will attend, in the hopes of convincing more races to sign on instead of less.

"My voice is a free as theirs," she states. "They will hear my side as well. The truth will attend to itself."

Once people start gathering in the Zocolo, naturally, the Drazi Ambassador leads the protest, helped by the Hyach Ambassador. Alerted by Lennier, Delenn arrives just in time to hear them speak. The two Ambassadors are calling for a peaceful solution with the Shadows now that they have stopped their attacks, instead of provoking them by attacking their home world. Delenn tries to convince them that the Shadows will come anyway, and she is accused of acting out of grief and loss for the Captain. The protesters maintain that no one who goes to Z'ha'dum ever comes back alive but suddenly, silence descends on the crowd. All eyes move to the right where someone appears on the balcony where the Drazi and Hyach Ambassadors had addressed the crowd from.

Delenn looks up and freezes when she sees him. It really is him, after more than two weeks.

It's John and he is very much alive.

The Drazi Ambassador is stunned and once the Captain is standing next to him, he mutters,

"Captain … we're sorry … we thought you were dead."

John glares at the Drazi before turning to look at the crowd. He looks straight into Delenn's eyes when he says,

"I was. I'm better now."

He then looks at a very unusual looking alien who has entered with him but she can't stop staring at John. She doesn't know what to feel. Her guilt resurfaces but once John begins delivering a stirring speech, her need to be with him overrides her sense of guilt, and she makes her way through the crowd and up to the balcony to greet him. As he finishes his speech, everyone present is cheering for him and wants to sign on with Delenn after all. He smiles when she approaches him and she is drawn to him like a magnet.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she tells him.

He takes her in his arms and assures her,

"I'll never leave you, Delenn. Not if the whole universe stood between us."

She smiles at last and wishes she could kiss him here and now. But with the crowd cheering around them, a warm hug will have to do. She cannot fathom that John would still want to be with her now, after what she's done. She has kept so much from him and has vowed to do better if he came back to her. And now he is here, holding her. He has returned from Z'ha'dum. But how?

* * *

John knows it's going to take a lot of time to explain what's happened to him. He will need to sit down with Delenn soon but for now, there is business to attend to and he starts by explaining to the war council what he's learned on Z'ha'dum. Anna had taken him to meet another Human named Justin, who called himself the middle man. And like Anna had promised, he now knows what it's all about. The big picture. Not the version the Vorlons have given them but the real story as told by Justin as well as Lorien.

"When most of the First Ones left, two of them, the Shadows and Vorlons, stayed behind. Their job was to keep an eye on the younger races. Help them along. But … they couldn't decide or agree on what had to be done. The Vorlons believe that strength comes through order and discipline. The Shadows believe in promoting evolution through conflict, starting wars."

"Those are diametrically opposite positions," Lennier remarks correctly.

And therein lies the problem. At first they respected each other, but somewhere along the way, both races decided that their way was the right way. The only way.

"And we've been caught in the middle ever since," John concludes.

Then, Ivanova comes in with frightening news. There is a gigantic Vorlon fleet on the move and it has begun attacking any world that has been touched by the Shadows. They are not just destroying the bases but entire planets, whether they're inhabited or not. The two old races are on a killing spree, and once again, the rest is caught in the middle.

It has to stop. But what can they do?


	16. Chapter 16

_Setting of next scene: episode 4 ("Falling Towards Apotheosis") I had to leave in the bitter-sweet conversations, only adding their thoughts to it. Nevertheless, I hope this will be a nice read._

* * *

Delenn is avoiding him. She knows she is. Naturally, she has a lot of meetings, coordinating the ever-growing fleet of ships, setting up chains of communication and rendezvous points, placing White Stars at key points to monitor the advance of the Vorlon fleet as well as any renewed activity from the Shadows, and going over the reports with Ivanova.

Before, they had always managed to find a moment to connect with each other. That was before the trust between them had been broken. Now, she finds herself trying to stay busy so she will not have time to worry about how John truly feels about her. His words, promising he would never leave her, could have been inspired by the emotion of the moment. Feeling his arms around her again had been incredible but now that the first shock is wearing off and they are all hard at work again with a new determination, she finds herself dreading to speak with him. And so she is in meetings all day long, relieved that the man she loves is still alive but uncertain of their personal future for now.

But then he asks her to meet him in his quarters and there is no way she can say no. Not to him. When she enters, he just finishes watching the latest of Ivanova's updates on the Vorlon fleet's actions, which are quite devastating.

John notices that Delenn isn't looking at him. When he approaches her, saying this is the first time he's seen her alone since he got back, she turns away from him. He doesn't understand why she's been keeping her distance. He knows they argued when he left but he had expected her to be happy to see him again; to want to spend time with him again to talk and reconnect. He knows that's what he wants at least. And he has a lot to tell her.

She tells him things have been busy, but since when has that stopped them from finding each other? Something else is up. And then she finally talks to him.

"I thought I'd lost you," she says quietly, her back still turned to him. "I felt it was my fault. I knew Anna might be alive, I said nothing. You went away. The only thing that might be as terrible as losing you, would be if you came back and could not forgive me ... and I lost you again."

He gets it now. He'd been furious with her and rightly so. He hates how she keeps things from him but he knows that she always does things with the best of intentions. He has never really doubted that and she needs to know that. He doesn't think she kept this from him out of jealousy or any other personal motive. She should have told him, he still believes that, but he knows her heart and he still loves her. She needs to know that, too.

"You did what you thought was right," he tells her.

"It's no excuse. I'm sorry, John."

She doesn't know what to expect now and she jumps a little when John is suddenly right next to her.

"I fell at Z'ha'dum, Delenn. I saw my own death and accepted it."

John remembers his long conversations with Lorien, in that moment between tick and tock, as Lorien had called it. An infinite moment between life and death. He had been asked to surrender to death. To face it and accept it. It had been the only way for him to have any hope of coming back. It had taken him a long time to take that leap of faith, but he had done it and Lorien had caught him, just like he'd promised. Just like he'd done before.

John's words about death hurt Delenn physically but he is not done. She tries to keep on breathing while he speaks.

"I looked up and saw Anna …," John continues. "What was left of Anna … and in that moment, I said goodbye. The goodbye I could never say before. I let it all go! I only held on to one thing."

He realizes she has no idea what she means to him. She has to know. To understand, before he can ever tell her the rest. Because when Lorien had asked him what he had to live for, it had been her name on his lips. Nothing else.

"The image of your sweet face," he says softly and then she finally turns around to face him.

"If I never came back … that was enough. But you gave me a reason to come back."

Delenn is staring at him in disbelief and he can't believe she would think so badly of herself now. She can't be crumbling like this over one mistake, or even over him. He wants his fierce warrior back and he asks her,

"Could I love that much and not forgive?"

She finally moves then and embraces him and he tries to figure out what she's feeling.

Delenn can barely believe his words but her heart wants to accept them. She buries herself against his chest and he holds her tightly, almost afraid to let go of her, for fear she might become distant again. She will not, not anymore. She will try to open up to him more so he will know his decision to trust her again is justified. No more secrets. No more half-truths. As the Humans say, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. He deserves it.

When she feels his lips on her temple she looks up, and he finds her lips with his own. She sighs into his mouth and finally surrenders to the moment. If he can forgive her, perhaps she will finally be able to start forgiving herself. Their kiss intensifies and grows more hungry, as if this moment is all there is.

John remembers Delenn's words from the future and he suddenly understands them so much better than before.

" _Treasure the moments you have. Savor them for as long as you can, for they will never come back again."_

He treasures this moment with her wrapped in his arms and he commits it to memory, like he knows he will do from now on. He will need to tell her the rest, and soon. She deserves to know the price he's had to pay for going to Z'ha'dum. But not now. Because this moment needs to be savored for as long as possible.

* * *

John has to meet with the command staff shortly and Delenn understands. They've been sitting close together on his couch for a while and Delenn has updated John on anything he's missed during his absence and on the reports that are coming in from the fleet. About Garibaldi's disappearance and his rescue, just before John came back. It feels good to talk strategy with him again and although she knows she will need some time to find her balance again, the heavy weight that had been on her shoulders is beginning to lift a little.

John tells her that Stephen had figured out why Anna wasn't herself anymore. That she'd been put into one of the Shadow ships as a central processing unit. They had pulled her out once they had realized who she was, but her personality had already been wiped out and could not be retrieved. It confirms all her suspicions and they are both saddened by the realization that the telepaths they have in cryo that have Shadow implants, will probably never be themselves anymore either, even if they do find a way to remove the neurowebs.

Lastly, John tells her they will need to do something about the Vorlon Ambassador. She agrees. She is personally disappointed in the Vorlon and now that the Vorlons no longer seem to care about any of them, he should not be on the station any longer.

"This is probably going to get ugly," he tells her.

"I know."

"Alright. Just so we're clear on that."

Delenn rubs his thigh reassuringly. She knows what he means. The Vorlon will not leave voluntarily. They will have to take him out. She knows it's the only way.

"We are," she tells him.

Part of him wants to tell her the rest now, but something is holding him back. Delenn doesn't know he is carrying a part of Kosh with him, only Ivanova and Lyta know that. Lorien has thought of a way to use that last piece of him against the new Vorlon. Kosh did care about them, and about Lyta. They know he will help, or the last bit of his conscience that still remains within him. Once this is all over, John will tell Delenn the rest. She has a right to know what to expect and not to expect. But he's not ready yet. He can't stand the thought of having to hurt her again.

John stands up to put his uniform on and Delenn offers to help. It reminds both of them of that moment months ago in his quarters that had almost resulted in their first kiss, and they smile at each other. Delenn swallows when John pulls off the sweater he'd been wearing to replace it with the shirt he usually wears underneath his uniform. John raises an eyebrow and grins at her when he sees her avert her eyes nervously.

"You can look, Delenn," he tells her with a chuckle. "I'm all yours."

He puts on his clean shirt and she steps closer to him before he starts buttoning it up.

"I have not gotten used to that yet," she admits.

"You should. I don't intend to let you get away now."

He takes her hands in his and places them against his bare chest. Delenn closes her eyes when she feels how warm he is and she takes a deep breath.

"We'll be okay, Delenn. I know we will."

She opens her eyes and looks up at him, and he kisses her sweetly before starting to button up his shirt after all. Delenn lets her hands glide down his torso and then lets go reluctantly. Once he is dressed they part ways and he is off to his meeting while she returns to the reports that are no doubt waiting for her in her quarters.

* * *

As expected, the Vorlon isn't going to go away quietly. With Lyta's help, they have lured him into an area where high voltage equipment has been set up to blow up his encounter suit, forcing the alien to show himself. Once he's out in the open, a glowing mass of blue tentacled energy, he lashes out at the Captain and all the security officers shooting at him. Delenn appears, her curiosity having gotten the best of her, and she sees an officer go down. As she attempts to pull him out of the line of fire, suddenly the enraged Vorlon focuses his attention on her.

John sees this and jumps up to protect her just when the Vorlon lashes out again, and he is snared by one of the Vorlon's tentacles of energy, which is now attached to his back. He freezes, unable to break free and Lorien, the strange alien who had come back with him from Z'ha'dum, appears next to Delenn. John stares at Lorien and after a few moments, Lorien gives John a signal. In response, John turns around to face the angry Vorlon, and then a second, yellow shape of glowing energy comes bursting out of him. Delenn recognizes it instantly.

"It's Kosh! Kosh was inside him!"

"Yes," Lorien tells her. "The last of Kosh. And some of him, and some of me."

The two beings of light start fighting each other and as the Vorlon ship breaks free from the station docking area, both Vorlons disappear through the hull of the station. They move away from the station and crash into the ship, which explodes, killing both Vorlons in the blast.

The silence is sudden but Delenn realizes John has collapsed and runs over to him. Then Lorien steps in and tells her to wait. He needs to replenish John's life force first. She watches while the being places his long-fingered hand on John's back and concentrates. His hand is glowing.

"Is this how you brought him back from Z'ha'dum?" she asks him.

Lorien nods.

"I give of myself to replenish him … for a little while."

"How long?" she asks but all Lorien will tell her is,

"Long enough."

Lorien removes his hand and John begins to wake up. Delenn holds him close, wondering what exactly has just happened.

* * *

Later in John's quarters, when John and Lorien finally explain everything to her, Delenn is devastated. John only has _twenty_ Human years left to live?

He had actually died on Z'ha'dum and Lorien had only been able to give him back a portion of his life.

"Twenty years, no more," Lorien says solemnly. "And then, one day, he will simply stop."

But he was supposed to reach a hundred years easily! Delenn feels like she is losing him all over again and wants to hide away for a while to find a way to deal with this new sense of loss. But John has different plans. After asking Lorien to leave, John tells her that he knew there would be a price and that he's accepted it. He's okay with it.

"But I'm not okay with this," Delenn admits, on the verge of tears. "I told you I was afraid that I would get you back, only to lose you. And that's what this is. Twenty years …"

It makes her blood run cold. John assures her it's a long time, twenty years more than he would have had, and that is true of course. Still, it will take time for her to get used to the idea. If they survive the war, they shouldn't know when their end will come, but John already knows. And she knows when she will need to let him go as well. It will be twenty years from now, no later. Every fiber in her being rails against this fate that has been thrust upon them. No wonder she will try in the future to talk John out of going to Z'ha'dum! This cannot be …

John suddenly seems to be looking for something and then presents her with a small velvet box. She is confused. She doesn't know what to do with the box. Then John opens it and shows her a ring that he wants her to have. She has read about Human jewelry but she is still trying to digest the bad news she has just received and looks up at John questioningly.

He seems nervous suddenly and quickly explains to her that this ring isn't what he had in mind for her but it can be a temporary ring until he can get her a real engagement ring.

He can tell Delenn isn't catching on. She has no idea. He takes the ring out of the box and explains, while putting it on her finger,

"An engagement ring is kind of a down payment on another ring … the kind that you exchange when you get married."

Now that is a word that obviously clicks with Delenn. Married. She gazes up at him and he finally sees the light return to her previously sad eyes. He tells her that whatever time he has left, he wants to spend it with her. He knows it's a lot to ask of her, to commit herself to him knowing she will lose him in twenty years but she loves him and she accepts his proposal without hesitation. When they kiss, he feels like he has come full circle at last. The last remains of his past have been dealt with and he is now truly reborn. He will treasure the memories of his life with Anna but he is finally ready to look ahead with Delenn.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope people are still reading this. I will try to publish the next chapter next Saturday.**


	17. Chapter 17

_Setting of next scene: episode 5 ("The Long Night")_

* * *

Coriana 6.

That's where it's going to happen. The Vorlons are heading straight for this planet with six billion inhabitants, who will suffer the consequences of their conflict with the Shadows. Both sides are now using planet killers, wiping out entire planets with a complete disregard for the millions of lives that are lost in the process.

The plan is to lure the Shadows out so they will be in that same sector when the Vorlons jump in, and their entire fleet will be there too. It is a very dangerous mission and there are no guarantees that anyone will make it out alive, but it must be done.

The First Ones they have been able to locate, will fight alongside them and the crew of one of the White Stars, carrying a fake report to lure the Shadows to the Coriana system, will make the ultimate sacrifice to get the Shadows to come.

Delenn knows that the responsibility weighs heavily on John. He is going to send many out to die and that never gets easy. But if they don't do something now, they will all die anyway. All the Ambassadors are aware of the importance of the mission and are committed to the plan. They are afraid but they know that inaction will mean inevitable death. And so they will go. Together.

John and Delenn retreat to her quarters for a while, knowing that in a few hours, after the Shadows take the bait, they will be on their way to the Coriana system. They don't know if they will ever see the station again and they sit together quietly. The lights are off and Delenn has lit several candles. Every now and then, one of them makes a remark, but for the most time they simply sit and think of all the events that led them to this point in the war as well as their personal lives. Delenn is gradually beginning to accept that John has forgiven her and has begun practicing opening up to him further. It is new for her to share her fears and doubts with someone. Sharing her wisdom and advice had always been easy but she knows now that, despite her good intentions, she had always been rather impersonal about it. Speaking about the universe around them is one thing but speaking about her own hopes and dreams, her own heart, is another thing altogether.

John's own disarming honesty, his eagerness even, to tell her about his childhood and his life on Earth before he took to the stars, helps her remember her own life and what it had been like to be raised by only her father. When John wraps his arm around her shoulders, she rests her head against his and tells him softly,

"When I was in school as a young child, I was usually inside with my books and files, even when the teachers gave us a break. I would sometimes look a the children who were playing outside, wondering why they were not going over their notes like I was. I knew I didn't have to study during the break, but I _wanted_ to. I could not understand why anyone would not want to. There was still so much to learn; to discover. The children outside would sometimes argue or fight over toys and some of the girls were giggling over the strongest boys in the group while the boys fought to get their attention, sometimes quite literally."

John chuckles, wondering what else on Minbar is exactly the same as back on Earth.

"You never looked at boys?" he asks her, rubbing her arm gently.

"Of course I did. But I stayed inside, with the quieter ones. I looked at the others from a distance."

He wonders briefly if he could actually be her very first romantic interest but Delenn continues and he likes how she's sharing more of herself with him.

"But now … looking back, I can't help wondering what I missed. If I shouldn't have gone outside. Perhaps, instead of studying all the time, I should have been learning how to play. How to interact more with equals about little things. Things that perhaps did not hold much meaning to me then, but that do matter in real life. How to … just be."

"Well, you do have a tendency to take everything very seriously," John admits. "But we're living in serious times. We _need_ to be focused now."

Delenn nods and he pulls her a little closer to him.

"But let's agree on something, alright?" John continues. "Once all of this is over and we get a real break, we're gonna do something fun. Something that … that's completely unnecessary and doesn't add anything to anything. Just for fun."

She can tell that the idea energizes him and she sits up to look at his eyes, that are now shining. He longs for normal times, just like they all do. Not dull times with nothing to do, but normal times with ordinary problems that don't involve saving the galaxy on a weekly basis. They've been under such strain for such a long time now, and even if she has no idea what 'something fun' means to him, she already looks forward to it because he is looking forward to it.

"What did you have in mind?" she inquires.

"I don't know yet, but we'll think of something," John says with a confidence that is contaminating. "It'll be good for us."

His face relaxes a little at last and when he moves in to kiss her, she allows herself to relax in his arms as well. They need this time together before they go into battle. There is no guarantee any of them will make it out alive and they savor another moment while they can. Because in the end, moments are all they have.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: episode 6 ("Into the Fire"). I've been thinking about how to write this one … the big confrontation. And once again, Lennier is the one who will tell this story. Here's his take on the end of the Shadow war._

* * *

They are on their way back to Babylon 5 and Lennier has given the controls of their White Star over to Dotann so he can meditate and rest for a little while. He is still trying to process what has happened at Coriana 6. The First Ones had been able to destroy the Vorlon planet killer so the six billion lives on the planet had been saved. But the Vorlons and the Shadows had continued to fight each other and any other ship that would get in the way. Just when they thought they were not getting through to them, something had happened with the Captain and Delenn. Both of them were caught in some kind of stasis and Lorien had done something, made a projection of some kind, so the entire fleet could see and hear the conversations the Vorlons and the Shadows were having with the two of them, somewhere in another dimension.

Lennier is deeply impressed with the knowledge and wisdom both of them have displayed. He has to admit that they both have a wisdom he can only hope to achieve one day. And although they had been separated, they had spoken as one. They had both rejected the choice the two ancient races had wanted to force them to make. Sheridan had refused to choose the Vorlon way of order and discipline over the Shadow way, and Delenn had refused to choose the Shadow way of war and conflict over the Vorlon way. They had both told them that they had lost their way and that they had failed as guardians of the younger races. All they had been after, was to prove how right they were by manipulating the younger races to do their bidding, like divorced parents trying to get their children to choose sides. But now the younger races, the children in the galaxy, have rejected their parents. They are ready to find their own way, without any further interference from the old races. They want to make their own mistakes and learn from them, to shape their own futures.

Sheridan and Delenn had spoken as one and they had spoken for all of them. Lennier cannot deny that they were truly meant to be here, together, to make this happen.

When the threat came, and the Vorlons and Shadows claimed that the alliance would fall apart once the two of them were dead, several ships had moved into the line of fire, sacrificing themselves to protect their ship. Many more had approached to surround them so they could not be harmed. The secret was out and the younger races were _all_ rejecting the choice given by the elders now. And Lorien, the oldest being in the galaxy, had then taken the last remaining First Ones as well as the Vorlons and the Shadows with him like a father, and they had all left the galaxy, disappearing beyond the rim.

It's all up to them now and it's a strange feeling.

Lennier acknowledges that Sheridan and Delenn were the right people to lead this fleet and to end the conflict. He has the utmost respect for their actions but he can't help wondering … had this been the purpose of their union? Will Delenn finally return to her own people now? All the prophecies have been fulfilled. The two halves of their souls have joined and Humans and Minbari are now working side by side as Rangers. The war is over. Everything Valen had predicted has come true, so Delenn can come home now. They can leave Babylon 5 and focus on rebuilding Minbar.

Lennier hears voices and looks up from where he is sitting in a corner of the sleeping area. It's them. Delenn and the Captain.

"You should get some sleep," Sheridan tells Delenn as they walk across the room towards the beds at the far end.

They move quietly so as not to disturb the crew members who are sleeping but he hears Delenn tell Sheridan softly,

" _You_ should sleep, John. We don't know how what the Vorlons did to you has affected your system. I want you to let Stephen check you out as soon as we return."

"I'm sure it'll be fine Delenn. Lorien never said anything about it. I just shouldn't get injured or sick, same as any other person."

They each choose a bed and continue chatting softly for a while. Delenn giggles when Sheridan slides down the bed and their reactions tell Lennier this isn't the first time that has happened, or the first time Delenn has witnessed it.

"If you're gonna make me sleep in a bed like this once we're married, I'm having a board fitted at the bottom," Sheridan huffs, much to Delenn's amusement.

The word 'married' hits Lennier like a ton of bricks. She is going to go through with it? She still wants to stay with him? He breathes in slowly, hoping that they will not notice his presence in the room, and he tries to relax so he can meditate for a while. His personal feelings have no place in this. And Sheridan is a far wiser man than he knew. They are returning home with a fleet that has suffered some losses but not nearly as many as they had expected. Sheridan had seen through the tactics of the two giants and had had the wisdom to respond in the only way that would finally make them stop. Not by fighting and sending thousands to their death. No. He has saved billions upon billions of lives today by understanding what was really going on. Perhaps Delenn had known this; had seen this potential in him. He deserves their respect, Lennier knows this. But when he hears them shift around and sees Delenn hop out of her bed and walk over to Sheridan's to kiss him, Lennier hangs his head. Yes, she respects him. And she loves him as a person. But she is also in love with him very deeply. And regardless of his own thoughts and feelings about it, the sooner he accepts this, the better.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: something fun? I'm putting it at the very beginning of episode 7 ("Epiphanies")_

* * *

"Dance with me, Delenn."

"What?"

They had been watching the celebrations for a while, each caught up in their own thoughts. Yes, the war is over and they won. It's a reason to celebrate. But they know there is still a lot of work ahead of them. Once the dust settles, they will need to deal with Earth, and John guesses Delenn will have her hands full with her own people as well. The other races will have to assess the damages and work out new treaties, and possibly make repairs for the damage they have caused others. The Centauri definitely need to make repairs to many of the others. It is the price of their cooperation with the Shadows.

But that's tomorrow, he thinks. Give me today and I will be happy.

A slower song has just started and the people in the dancing crowd are all finding someone to dance with. And he doesn't want to be a bystander anymore.

"Dance with me, down there," John says again, pointing down at the crowd below them.

"I'm not sure if I …"

"Shhh."

He places a finger over her lips and smiles.

"I'll teach you. It'll be fun."

He knows she doesn't show affection in public a lot but he'd promised her they'd do something fun, and he wants to enjoy this moment with the staff and crew and all the other aliens on board. Today, they are all one with each other and she should be part of that.

When he takes her hand, she smiles and follows him down the stairs to the dance floor. Tomorrow this will be the marketplace again but today, it's a dance party. Delenn glances around at the other couples that are dancing. It doesn't seem too complicated, just very close. Which makes it very Human.

John shows her where to put her right hand, around his shoulder, and where to put her left hand, in his right hand. He wraps his left arm around her waist, pulls her closer to him and starts to sway to the rhythm of the music. Music isn't new to her and dancing isn't new either, but Minbari ritual dances do not involve touching each other. She moves with John though, trying to match his rhythm and finds that it is surprisingly easy to follow him. The other people have made room for them and she thinks some may be watching them, but she doesn't want to refuse John this moment. It is a time for celebration and she can tell that he is proud to be dancing with her. He loves her. It has to be clear to everyone by now and it makes her happy that he wants to show it to everyone else. His acceptance of her is healing, after so many of her own people as well as his people have rejected her for being so different. But not John, or the command staff of Babylon 5. These people, and Lennier of course, have become like a family to her, much more than her clan back on Minbar.

John pulls her along with him, and now they're not just swaying lightly anymore. He grins at her and she smiles as she follows his lead.

"Don't step on my toes," he jokes and she chuckles. "You're doing great."

He loves dancing with Delenn. She moves gracefully, fluently, and he can't help thinking he wants more of her, of her lithe body that is still partly a mystery to him. She laughs out loud when he twirls her around and when she moves back in his arms, colliding gently with his chest, he can't resist kissing her. Delenn smiles against his lips, but when they hear a few people cheering and applauding around them, they quickly break apart. John feels so proud to be out here with her and he tells the people who are watching them,

"We won the war but I won the best prize of all!"

Their little audience cheers again and Delenn hides her face against John's chest. But she doesn't really feel embarrassed. Not at all. She feels happy. Extremely happy. She refuses to think too far ahead and just takes in these moments of uncomplicated joy. If this is what John means when he talks about doing something fun, she wants more of it. When the music speeds up slightly, she allows herself to let go a little, and she loves how John's face glows while they dance and enjoy the party together. They may know this will not last but it will not keep them from enjoying the moment.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! To be continued.**


	18. Chapter 18

**I updated on Sunday last week, but this time I made it on Saturday again! Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Setting of next scene:_ " _Epiphanies" continued._

* * *

As expected, it's business as usual again soon, and John is very saddened by the fact that his Chief of Security has decided to resign. He's trying to understand Garibaldi's reasoning but he wishes he would have stayed on for the confrontation with Earth, which is inevitably coming. But Garibaldi has been different ever since he came back after being missing for two weeks.

On top of that, President Clark has decided to forbid any travel between Earth and Babylon 5 from now on, which will make it more difficult for the station to generate income and which will damage the morale of the Humans on board.

Then, to ruin his day completely, Alfred Bester shows up again. In exchange for crucial information about a trap that is being set for Babylon 5, Bester wants them to take him to Z'ha'dum to see if they can find any leftover Shadow technology. It might help the telepaths they are keeping in cryo since they were found with the Shadow implants in their brains. One of the telepaths is Bester's pregnant lover and she seems to be the only person in the galaxy the Psy Cop truly cares about.

The only bright spot in an otherwise pretty dark few days is, that Delenn has agreed to come along with John on their trip to Z'ha'dum. It will give them some time to spend together and they both agree that is a good thing, since they seem to be going from crisis to crisis. John is surprised and amused when Delenn remarks,

"You wouldn't have it any other way."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're a problem solver," Delenn explains with a smile. "You're one of these people who will pick up a rope that's gotten all tangled up and spend an entire day untangling it. Because it's a challenge. Because it defies your sense of order in the universe; and because you can."

John shakes his head at this woman who keeps surprising him, but she isn't done analyzing him way too accurately. She rubs his chest lovingly while telling him,

"Sometimes, I try to picture you, sitting on a beach, with absolutely nothing to do."

"And?" John asks, intrigued by where she's going with this.

"The picture always ends with your head imploding."

"Now you haven't known me this long to know me so well," John says, looking slyly at the woman in front of him while pulling her closer to him.

Delenn just smiles and wraps a hand around the back of his neck.

"We're old souls. Deal with it," she says softly before pulling him in for a long kiss.

John loves how well Delenn does know him and it makes him feel safe with her. She is bouncing back quite well from her earlier difficulty in accepting her own mistakes, and he is glad to have his fierce warrior back by his side. She isn't hesitant anymore while expressing her love for him and he believes that in the end, they have gotten closer because she has accepted that she is fallible. It may make her feel less of a person in a way, but he feels like she has only become more Human. Acknowledging mistakes and weaknesses and learning from them is something very Human and she is doing it. He doesn't know where they are exactly in the Minbari courting tradition, or if their time together even fits in that tradition, but he is enjoying it. Delenn is capable of taking his mind off Bester and that is worth a lot. On top of that, they spend time talking and cuddling together that he wouldn't want to miss for the world. Her smile can light up an entire room and despite the reason for this trip, Bester coming along and the way Z'ha'dum has changed his personal history twice now, John finds himself more and more enchanted with Delenn. He loves how she is learning to open up to him and tells him more about her life before the Grey Council. He knows they will arrive at Z'ha'dum soon but for now, he will enjoy these moments with her.

On their way back to Babylon 5, after witnessing the evacuation and consequent destruction of the former Shadow home world, John and Delenn both feel an obligation to stay on deck, for Bester. No matter how much they despise what the man stands for and the obvious glee with which he does his horrible job, they understand his sense of loss today. Any hopes of finding Shadow technology that might possibly save his lover, have been destroyed. It reminds John of how he had felt when he realized that there was no way to get Anna back. Only he had assumed Anna was dead for a few years already while for Bester, the wound is still fresh.

Delenn stands next to him and puts a hand on his arm. He looks at her and sees the question in her eyes. Is he alright? She must sense that he's thinking about his own experiences on the planet they have just seen explode. If there had been anything left of Anna's remains, they surely have been obliterated now. He nods silently at Delenn and smiles. He's alright. He really did say goodbye to Anna, determined to savor the good memories of the real Anna while accepting that she is truly gone forever. He is relieved now that she will no longer be abused by the Shadows and he can only hope she's never been aware of what was going on.

He looks at Bester, who is standing at the window, staring out into space. Regardless of how he feels about the cruel, seemingly heartless man, for his sake, he hopes that his Carolyn isn't aware of her current state either. These altered telepaths will be better off dead in the end, just like Anna. But for now, Bester needs some time to reach that same conclusion and accept it.

* * *

 _Setting of next scene: episode 8, The Illusion of Truth, near the end of that horrible ISN documentary about Babylon 5 …_

* * *

He thought they'd made it hard for the news people to quote them out of context. Some bias against Babylon 5 was expected but the outcome of the documentary is far, far worse than any of them had ever anticipated.

John is fuming.

President Clark's paranoia regarding aliens is staggering and everything being said in the news broadcast, oozes propaganda to make sure every Human knows that all aliens are the enemy. In the B5 documentary, everything imaginable and even unimaginable has been edited and quoted out of context. John is being portrayed as an officer suffering from 'Minbari war syndrome', which is basically a mild way of saying he's gone off the deep end. Basically, he now reveres aliens over Humans, believing they are superior beings. He works for them now and will eventually attack Earth with them.

The station should be considered a place where aliens call the shots and where Humans are experimented on. The telepaths in the cryo units, discovered by accident by the reporter, are presented as victims of these experiments, while repairs being made to aliens ships are presented as preparations to a massive strike against Earth.

And finally, the reporter points the finger at Delenn as being the key to all of it. The Captain has fallen in love with a Human-Minbari hybrid and now wants everyone to become like her through genetic experiments.

When the broadcast ends, the silence in the room where they have been watching is deafening. John has turned his back to the monitor some time ago and is staring angrily at the gardens. Delenn approaches him while Ivanova mutes the monitor. John sees Delenn coming towards him but he can't speak right now. He is too frustrated. He's furious and he needs a few moments to come to terms with the fact that Earth has now officially turned against the station and will come back soon to take them out.

"Come with me," Delenn whispers.

He shouldn't be alone now, and she needs to know what he's thinking now that their relationship has been put at the center of the anti-Babylon 5 propaganda.

"I'll be right there," John manages to say. Just as soon as my gut stops churning, he thinks.

It had been a huge mistake after all to let these reporters come on board. Until now, he's never realized just how easy it is to fabricate a story that bears no resemblance whatsoever to the truth, simply by feeding into people's fears.

Stephen rushing someone from Down Below to Medlab, a good deed, is now called 'making people disappear' so they can experiment on them. His own remarks about how Clark makes everything that gets in the way disappear, have been edited as if he is saying _he_ will make everything disappear that gets in _his_ way. His and Delenn's confidence that they will make their relationship work despite the obstacles in their way is presented as a glowing defense of the genetics program, their answers being paired up with completely different questions as the ones they were originally answering.

And he is being portrayed as a victim who needs help, even by Garibaldi. But as angry he is about that part, what upsets him the most is that all the blame is being put on Delenn. His Delenn, the strongest, most gracious and caring woman in the universe. At least that's what she is to him. Is he enchanted by her? You're damn right he is. He's in love with her and proud of it. But he didn't fall for an alien. He didn't fall for a half-alien. He didn't fall for her genetics. No. He fell for her personality and he couldn't care less about the package that personality comes in.

John chuckles despite himself. Well, he does care a little about the package now. She's beautiful and sensual and ever since dancing with her, his own body has responded more strongly to hers. He loves the package as well, most definitely, but he fell for the person first. He believes he would still have fallen for her if she had remained Minbari completely. This whole mixing of genetic material is a farce, a fabrication. And it's insulting to Delenn.

He turns away from the window and finally leaves the room to follow Delenn to her quarters.

* * *

Meanwhile, Delenn has arrived in her quarters and finds Lennier there, waiting for her.

"Did you see it?" she asks him right away.

"I did."

"It's horrible."

"It is."

Lennier isn't particularly pleased that he was portrayed as a keeper of Humans but that is nothing compared to what is being done to tarnish the reputations of both Sheridan and Delenn.

"There's nothing we can do," Delenn sighs.

"There is one thing," Lennier responds.

"What?" Delenn asks, approaching her aide with wide eyes, hoping he has come up with a way to counter all this propaganda.

"We must stick together," Lennier tells her. "We have to stand up against this injustice and expose it for what it is. The truth will come out in the end. We can't let this defeat our spirits."

Delenn nods and attempts to smile. Lennier is surprising himself a little, but while he was watching the so-called documentary, he found himself getting defensive of Sheridan and of the bond that they are forging between Humans and Minbari as well as among the other races. Perhaps it is true after all, that a common enemy brings unity. President Clark is attempting to unite all Humans against a perceived alien threat, but Lennier feels a deep sense of loyalty towards the alliance they have formed with Sheridan and his cause, especially now that they are being attacked so openly and unfairly.

"Thank you Lennier," Delenn says softly. "It means so much to me that we can always count on you."

Lennier makes a slight bow, saying,

"That goes without saying, Delenn."

She smiles again, a real smile this time and tells him,

"I am saying it anyway."

Just then, Sheridan arrives and Lennier knows he should leave. When Sheridan tells him he is most welcome to stay, he thanks the other man but retreats anyway. He knows his place and is coming to terms with it.

John and Delenn look at each other for a moment but neither of them know what to say. Delenn just wraps her arms around him and smiles when she feels John relax against her and feels him embrace her back. Sometimes there are no words and sometimes no words are needed. His hands, gently caressing her back and shoulder blades, tell her that he doesn't blame her for what was said in the broadcast. Her forehead against his jaw tells him she understands how he feels.

They're all alone in the night out here but when they hold each other, they are reminded that they are never truly alone.

* * *

 **Please review :)**


	19. Chapter 19

_Setting of next scene: episode 9 ("Atonement"). We all know what happened to Delenn on Minbar so no need to repeat that part, agreed? So I'm running with the scenes before and after her trip._

* * *

There's something off with Delenn, again. John feels as if she is withholding something from him. He thought they were past this. She has really been making progress in opening up to him but somehow, there's something on her mind now that she won't tell him about. Not even when he asks her directly. She simply asks him not to ask again and it leaves him gaping at her for a few very uncomfortable seconds before he accepts that she isn't going to tell him why she has to leave for Minbar in the morning.

Uncomfortable. That's a fitting word to describe Delenn when she asked him to have dinner with her. She had knocked him off of his feet with that revealing dress but when he had approached her, she had almost shrunk back. She won't tell him why she's leaving, telling him it's just some old business she needs to attend to but he doesn't believe her. She seems to be going back to her old, secretive ways, and that troubles him. A lot.

Still, he can't refuse her request to finish the Minbari sleepwatching ritual. At least he will get to spend some time with her before she has to go. It almost feels like it might be the last time he sees her.

They shouldn't be back here, not after all this time. Once she gets back from her trip, he'll confront her about it, he decides.

But not tonight. He is determined to enjoy their time together. He doesn't want to waste it arguing, since he has no idea how long she will be gone, and Delenn seems to feel the same way. They discuss his father's disappearance over dinner. It's rumored that their family farm has been burnt down to the ground but he can't believe that. Not until he's seen it with his own eyes. He had wanted to take Delenn there one day and he still does. After that documentary, he knows better than anyone that nothing that is reported through ISN is necessarily true. It's pure propaganda and if they had caught his father, they would definitely have found a way to use him against John.

Delenn agrees and in the end, she does a fine job of distracting him from his concern about his parents and his home. She's still in that stunning dress and after dinner, after they have moved to her sofa, he takes his time exploring all the skin that is exposed to him now, until Delenn is trembling underneath his touch. She sighs when John runs his finger along her cleavage and it takes a lot of willpower not to dip underneath the black fabric and touch more of her.

They kiss and he knows she is as affected by their closeness as he is. When he palms her breast over her dress, she doesn't stop him and kisses him more passionately, until they both need to stop to catch their breath.

"Tell me this is part of the ritual," John says huskily, and then he grins because he already knows the answer.

"No," Delenn says rather superfluously, smiling broadly. "This is unscripted. Within certain boundaries of course."

"Of course," John repeats with a sigh, but when Delenn kisses him again, his brief annoyance at all the Minbari rituals and their boundaries is temporarily forgotten while they seek out the boundaries of this particular, unscripted part of their relationship.

* * *

When John wakes up the next morning, Delenn is gone. And so is Lennier. He should have known her aide would go with her. Lennier knows why she has to go back to Minbar. Of course he knows. John can't help wondering why she wouldn't tell him, especially now that they are so incredibly close. If it was just some government or caste business, why not simply say so? Instead, she had gone silent. Uncomfortably silent. And that still rattles him.

He tries to go about his business, and there's a lot of business to take care of to bypass the quarantine the station has been put under. But as the days go by, he becomes more restless. When they finally receive the request from her ship for docking instructions, he makes sure to be there when Delenn arrives back on the station. It's been eight days and it's been too long. His heart skips a beat when he sees her come in through customs at last and he rushes over to greet her.

"Hey."

"John!"

Delenn laughs and hugs him, asking him,

"What are you doing here?"

John takes her hands in his and tells her,

"Well, I just eh … I heard that your ship was docking and I wanted to make sure you were on it."

Lennier, standing to the side, makes a quick exit, informing them that he will go and see to their things. The couple starts walking and John asks Delenn,

"Well, is everything alright back home? Did you take care of whatever it was you were … going to deal with or?"

Delenn just smiles sweetly at him and says,

"Yes. Everything is fine now."

"Aha."

She continues to smile, not saying anything else. She seems happy and he's glad that her obvious discomfort from before her trip has vanished, but still. He'd like to know what had been bothering her so much.

"And you're still not gonna tell me what it was, are you?" he tries again.

Delenn loops her arm through his with another mysterious smile and then changes the subject, asking him,

"Anything happen while I was gone?"

He briefs her on the progress Franklin and Marcus have made. They are still on route to Mars, where they will try to establish contact with the resistance, in the hopes of setting up alternative communication channels to bypass president Clark. Delenn asks if he's heard from his parents, which he hasn't. They chat calmly as they walk, but once they are in Green sector and nearing Delenn's quarters, John brings the subject back to her trip.

"Delenn, I know you probably think you have good reasons not to tell me why you had to go to Minbar but …"

He feels her shift away from him a little but he forges ahead.

"Well, I thought we were going with transparency these days and … it doesn't sit right with me that you're keeping things from me again."

He knows the word 'again' may be painful for Delenn, but it's painful for him too. He thought they were past this by now.

Delenn stops walking abruptly and gazes up at him. He can see traces of shock in her eyes and she seems conflicted. He can't for the life of him figure out what could be so hard for her to tell him about the reason she had to go home unless … unless …

"Delenn, did your going back home have anything to do with me?"

The guilty look in her eyes before she averts them gives her answer away, even if she won't say it.

"Seriously?" he asks, slightly agitated now.

"John, it's complicated," Delenn sighs but John disagrees.

"Dammit Delenn, why can't you just be straight with me. If this had to do with me, I should have been the _first_ to know. Not the very last!"

"Please … not here," Delenn says softly, glancing around.

There isn't anyone in the hallway with them but he agrees to go into her quarters first. But they _will_ continue this conversation.

* * *

Perhaps she should have known John wouldn't let her get away with it. He's right, too. She had made it a point not to keep any more secrets from him and here she is, doing it again. Delenn sighs and paces in her quarters, feeling very exposed. She still will not be able to tell him everything. She will not tell him about the war. It is her darkest secret, now only known by Lennier and herself and the few who had been there at the time and are still alive today.

A moment of rage, she had called it. It was the deepest rage she had ever felt in her life and however justified it had been in those dreadful moments after Dukhat's death, she had regretted her reaction ever since. She had cast the deciding vote that had started the war against the Humans and nothing could ever undo that. Nothing would ever bring back the millions of lives that had been lost as a result. It was her burden to bear for the rest of her life.

"Well?" John says, interrupting her thoughts.

He's upset with her and she closes her eyes briefly before turning around to face him.

"You are right," she admits, deciding to dive straight in. "I was recalled to Minbar by my clan to justify my relationship with you."

"Justify your relationship with me? Why would you need to justify anything to anyone?!"

John is surprised and annoyed and she cannot blame him. He doesn't know about these clan rules.

"Because … you are not Minbari," she states simply.

"So? What's it to them?" John huffs.

"We have … purist factions among our people," Delenn responds. "It is not common for a Minbari to choose a mate from a different race and some disapprove."

"Some?"

"Most," Delenn admits.

"That's what I figured. And they kinda overlooked this whole transformation thing you went through? I mean, you're obviously not 'pure' anymore by their standards!"

John makes air quotes when he says the word 'pure' and the scorn in his tone hurts her. She knows he is probably speaking out of a sense of pain himself but she has never known him to be so dismissive of other cultures as he is now. But before she can think of a way to respond, John continues.

"I'm sorry Delenn. I guess that came out wrong. I mean … would you believe that we've had this discussion back on Earth about Humans with different skin color? Can you believe that? We're all Humans, right? So who cares about color of hair, skin, eyes, whatever? After the first contact with the Centauri, we finally got past that and it feels pretty weird to find an advanced race like yours be so …"

"Narrow-minded?" Delenn suggests.

"Yes!"

John's face softens then and he approaches her, reaching for her hands.

"Yes, that's exactly the right word. And I'm guessing you don't agree with them."

"I don't," she admits, letting him take her hands in his. "Never have."

"Why didn't you tell me, Delenn?" he asks again, but his initial anger seems to have faded.

"I did not want to worry you," she answers, and even she can hear how weak that sounds.

"I want to know these things about you," John stresses, looking at her very seriously. "I mean, what if they had told you you couldn't be with me? They … they didn't tell you that, did they?"

When she averts her eyes, John dips down to maintain eye contact and she looks up at him again.

"I had to undergo a ritual to defend myself. To justify why I would … damage the purity of my clan."

"And?"

"It took a while, but it went well in the end."

John frowns.

"That's cryptic."

Delenn smiles awkwardly. She doesn't _want_ to keep John in the dark but she just can't tell him the whole truth this time. She can't tell him about the Dreaming. She decides to tell him the one thing that is truly important.

"Let's just say that my clan elders have discovered that our clan was never 'pure' to begin with."

John smiles when she uses air quotes for the word 'pure' as well and it helps her to continue.

"You see, as it turns out, I am a direct descendant of our great spiritual leader Valen."

John's eyebrows shoot up.

"Valen! But that's …"

"Yes."

Delenn smiles and she finally sees the light return to John's eyes when it sinks in what she's telling him. John pulls her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist, and she does the same with him.

"No wonder you two got along so well," John says, clearly amused. "Jeff was your great great great great whatever grandfather!"

"I suppose he was," she says, thinking of her old friend.

She had always felt a special connection to Jeffrey Sinclair. She may even have mistaken it for something else at first but now that she knows what it feels like to be in love, she knows that that connection she felt with Jeff, was a familial one after all.

"I'm glad you told me now Delenn," John says, "but I shouldn't have had to ask, right? I mean, I feel I should have known. I would have gone with you."

Delenn feels her heart soar at his words. Coming along would have been out of the question but the fact that he would have wanted to come, proves how much he loves her. She stands on her toes to kiss him and admits,

"You are right. I should have told you. I'm sorry."

Just when she thinks that will be the end of the discussion, John asks her,

"Oh, one more thing. What if they hadn't discovered your bloodline? What if they had told you not to choose me?"

* * *

He would never have seen her again.

Like hell!

John can't believe Delenn hadn't told him that she might not come back. He would have found a way to contact her. He would have gone after her. She knows this.

He's disappointed in her and she knows that too. She can't keep glossing over things like this. If it had been the last time they'd be together, he had a right to know! He never got to say goodbye to Anna. She can't let him go through that again.

And so he's come up with a plan. Call it a ritual of their own. Not a Human ritual or a Minbari ritual, but one just between the two of them. And he's not going to give Delenn any choice in the matter. He has asked her to meet him in the observation dome and when he arrives, she's already there, staring out at the stars around them.

She smiles nervously when she sees him approach. He stands next to her, his hands on his back, and looks out at the stars as well. After a few moments of silence he tells her,

"Pick one."

"What?"

"Pick a star. Any star. We're going to make a covenant and we're going to swear on a star to uphold it for as long as we both live."

Delenn looks outside again and lets her eyes take in all the stars once more, until she settles on one that is extra bright.

"That one," she tells him, pointing at a start slightly to their right.

"Alright. So here it is."

He holds out his right hand, palm up, and looks at Delenn.

"Put your hand on mine."

Delenn complies, placing her right hand on his, palm down, and then they both fix their gaze on the bright star.

"From now on, if either one of us or both of us have to leave the station, or wherever we are at the time, we will find each other," John states.

"We will find each other," Delenn repeats, and he can see a sheen of tears in her eyes.

"And we will look into each other's eyes …"

"We will look into each other's eyes," Delenn whispers, staring up at him.

"And we will say goodnight."

"We will say goodnight."

In Minbari, there is no word for goodbye, and he never wants to say goodbye to her, even if he knows that there will come a time when they will part ways for the last time. But until then, he doesn't want her to suddenly not be in his life. If they ever become separated, he needs a defined moment in time to look back on, so he will be able to say he said goodbye to her.

Delenn lets go of his hand and wraps her arms around his waist, pulling him close. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and feels her let out a shuddering breath.

"I promise," she whispers against the skin of his neck, holding him even tighter.

She understands what their new ritual means and he knows that nothing will come between them now. Even if the entire galaxy was between them, their souls would still be connected.

He can only hope that they will be able to move forward together now without any further outside interference. He'll take the Minbari rituals, as long as they bring him closer to her.

* * *

 **A/N: I think he's going to like the next ritual! :D Meanwhile, I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter.**


	20. Chapter 20

_Setting of next scene: season 4, episode 10 ("Racing Mars") - the Shan-Fall ..._

 _I have been debating for a long time whether or not I was going to write out a possible version of the Shan-Fall ritual, and I've finally decided NOT to do it in this story. Instead, I'll keep it almost as mysterious and off-screen as it was on the show. What may be interesting though, is to see it (well, hear it mostly) through Lennier's eyes/ears … so we switch point of views again in this section. I hope you'll agree with this choice. We'll start with the couple's own thoughts and then switch to Lennier._

* * *

 _Delenn_

She loves how John's facial expression can change from one moment to the next. She knows he is less patient than she is and he still is not very good at meditating, and she had introduced the ritual the way she had on purpose. Sometimes she wonders if he even knows how funny she finds it to tease him like this. It makes her happy to be able to laugh with him, and sometimes even a little at him. And he makes fun of her too so it is only fair. She thinks that she is embracing this lighter side of life now because it has been lacking from her life for so long. She knows life isn't just to be endured but also to be enjoyed, but perhaps she is only now starting to understand what those words truly mean. And they do not have to wait until their worlds are completely at peace to enjoy their own lives. If that were the case, they would never get to enjoy anything at all.

John has shown incredible restraint in their relationship so far, and she knows it is not typical of his kind. He loves her deeply and she finds that his respect for her is a stronger component of his love than his baser, physical desires. That only makes her love him more, but she knows he needs a push from her now. He needs permission from her to move forward in their relationship and that is what this ritual is.

 _John Sheridan_

John is trying to imagine what he should expect tonight. The idea of yet another ritual had not exactly appealed to him. Like he'd told Delenn, he's just about ritualed out. He can't believe she has fifty more in store for him! But this particular ritual sounds very interesting. First of all, het gets to spend the night with her again, and this time he will be allowed to stay awake. And secondly, from the sound of it, there will be a lot of touching and he's very much into that.

Delenn is a private person. Her caste and upbringing have made sure of that, but he suspects that it's the same for all Minbari. None of them wear their hearts on their sleeves and he rarely sees Minbari touching each other. The warrior caste is louder than the religious caste and appears more passionate, but even they keep a distance from others as well as each other in public. Minbari don't even shake hands when they greet each other.

Even now, Delenn rarely touches him in public. She allows him to put a hand on her arm and will return the gesture, or will walk arm in arm with him, but no more than that. That she had danced with him in public had been a very rare exception.

He's very glad she's different when they are alone and tonight is going to be very interesting. He knows she's mentioned the words deliberation, thoughtfulness, prayer and meditation as well, but the phrase that echoes in his mind is 'pleasure centers'. Discovering one another's pleasure centers. Oh yes. He wants that. Most definitely. It's been hard for him to hold back. The only reason he's managed, aside from being extremely busy, is out of respect for her traditions.

When it's finally time to go to Delenn's quarters, he is extremely annoyed with Michael, but he knows he'll be able to talk to her about it. She always helps him calm down and he's sure they will still have a pleasant night together afterwards. And so after another fight with Michael, he heads straight over to her door, still rubbing his jaw where Michael has just hit him. He hasn't hit him back but he can't believe that his former chief of security is acting this way. He's glad that he's going to Delenn's now to get his mind of things.

 _Lennier_

Sheridan is here.

He knows she cares for him. She even says she loves him and he knows she does. He's seen it in her eyes every time she sees him or even speaks about him. But it is not always necessary to act on those feelings, as he himself knows only too well. His own love for her is pure, a perfect love as he calls it. Sheridan couldn't possibly love her like that, he is certain of it. Until now, he had comforted himself with the thought that Delenn would come to realize this eventually. Granted, the Captain is a good man for a Human and Lennier appreciates him immensely as a leader. But as a warrior, he isn't civilized and thoughtful enough to be the one to stand by her side. Surely she would see this after a while. But now that Sheridan is here for the Shan-Fall and he sees them together, he is beginning to regret his choice to be here. He had thought that his devotion to her and his vow to stay by her side would be enough to help him through this, just like it had when she had been recalled to Minbar to justify her relationship with Sheridan to her clan. It is very difficult for him to refuse her. But seeing him pull Delenn aside by the arm, as if it is perfectly normal to handle her like that, upsets him. Hearing her speak to him lovingly as if she doesn't mind at all how he treats her, upsets him even more.

Still, the ritual is going to move forward and Delenn drags Sheridan into her bedroom. She bows to the Minbari who will wait inside her quarters but outside the bedroom, and he can see the lights dancing in her eyes when she closes the sliding doors. She really wants this and he needs to put his own opinion about it aside and respect her wishes.

He has studied the ritual quite extensively, telling himself he needs to know these things. But thinking of Delenn performing these acts with Sheridan had been difficult. And now, she is with him and there is nothing he can do. He is supposed to be meditating and from time to time, he and the others will sing in order to alert the couple that they are still out there and they shouldn't get carried away. Neriss, a female in their group, has agreed to sit in front and be the ears of the group. She will start a chant when she deems it necessary. But from where Lennier is sitting, he can hear them too.

At first, he hears them talk a little. Delenn seems to be calming Sheridan down and Lennier remembers that Michael Garibaldi has been acting strangely. It is upsetting for the Captain. But soon, the talking stops, and he hears them laugh together. First freely and later on, the laughter is more subdued, almost like a giggle. They are not supposed to take _all_ their clothes off and he trusts Delenn to stick to that rule, but he isn't sure he trusts a Human to play by the rules of the ritual. When he hears Delenn sigh, the sound sends a small shockwave through his system. He tries very hard to focus on the sound of his own breathing but when he hears her moan softly, he knows it's too late. He is now responding physically to the images of Delenn that are in his head, based on the sounds of pleasure she is making. He imagines being the one to touch her and is pulled out of his unholy thoughts when Neriss starts a song. Have Delenn and the Captain gotten carried away that a song is necessary to distract them? Or is this song perhaps for his own benefit?

When the song is over, silence descends on them once more and it takes a while before he hears the couple shifting around again. The distraction must have worked. He hears a thud and then Delenn laughs. Lennier wonders if Sheridan has once again slid down the bed. Humans can't sleep at a 40 degree angle, he knows this. Ivanova has given him an earful about the beds on the White Stars a few times. But they must have figured out something because soon, he hears Sheridan's low timbre and it is obvious that the Human is agreeing very much with what's being done to him.

Lennier focuses on his own breathing again and he has to make an effort not to start humming to drown out the sounds he is hearing. Neriss starts another song and while part of him is relieved, another part of him worries why a second song is needed for the couple already.

As the evening goes by, he wonders from time to time if the couple has fallen asleep. He is capable of meditating for hours on end if need be but even he has moments where he is fully aware of his surroundings. The others are quiet too and he wonders if they are all in such a deep state of meditation that they are no longer monitoring the couple. And then he hears them again. Perhaps they had been meditating as well. With any luck, it may have put Sheridan to sleep again.

He hears Delenn talking softly and although he can't hear what she is saying, he knows that the tone of her voice is seductive. Perhaps they have arrived at the final stages of the ritual. He tries not to think about what that entails and about the items used by both parties to stimulate the other person. They should not be naked but it isn't difficult for the young man to imagine what it would be like if she was …

Sheridan is humming again and it sounds like Delenn is definitely pleasing him. At one point, he actually responds rather loudly to whatever she is doing and it makes Delenn laugh out loud as well. Then they are suddenly very quiet and he guesses they are kissing again. He hears both of them moan and just when he tries to hear better what they are doing, Neriss decides that another song is in order. It is the sixth song of the evening and Lennier wonders if it is normal for couples to have to be distracted so often in one evening.

He is relieved when after another while, he finally hears a sound that annoyed him greatly the first time he heard it, but is comforting now. Sheridan is snoring. He is asleep. Lennier consciously relaxes and enters a state of meditation that will hopefully sustain him through the remainder of this night, and purify his unholy thoughts of Delenn.

* * *

 **Review?**  
 **In the next chapter, things heat up even more for John and Delenn before they need to split up once again ...**


	21. Chapter 21

_Setting of next scene: season 4, end of episode 11 ("Lines of Communication"). In this episode, Delenn has her first runin with the Drakh. Needless to say that the Drakh did not survive it! She decides that she needs to go back to Minbar, which is on the brink of civil war. At the end of the episode, she announces to John that she leaves the next day …_

 _(This chapter will make clear why this story is T rated. Maybe even higher? Frankly, I have no idea what people reading this story expect or like, so I'm kind of anxious about this one as well as the next chapter ... but it made sense to me that this would eventually happen between our two lovebirds and this moment in the show seemed to make absolute sense.)_

* * *

John really doesn't want her to leave. He gets it. He does. Delenn is needed back on Minbar and he needs to be 'dangerous' again, as she puts it. And she's right. It's easier to risk things when she can't end up in the line of fire. No matter how well she can take care of herself, and has even saved his life on several occasions, he gets protective like that of the ones he loves. And by God, he loves her.

She's different tonight, as if she's struggling herself with the prospect of being apart once more. There's no telling how long it will be this time, and like she's reminded him again, he only has so much time left. Twenty years may sound like a lot now, but time has a way of slipping through your fingers. It seems like such a waste to spend any of it apart now.

And that's exactly why she needs to go. They both have work to do. They can't lock themselves up in their quarters and pretend like the world outside doesn't exist anymore, no matter how badly he'd like to keep her exactly where she is right now, wrapped around him on the sofa in her quarters.

They had ordered in. He hadn't wanted other people around tonight. This was their night and he'd need the memory of her sweet face and her kisses for a long time before he'd see her again. He knows she feels it too. She is learning from him why Humans want to touch each other so much but she needs no coaxing tonight. Her need to be close is as strong as his. Maybe even stronger. He can't help wondering how close she is planning to get exactly …

They have not had any meaningful time together since that slightly confusing ritual in her sleeping quarters. It had been uncomfortable for him at first, touching her intimately and being touched by her while others were close enough to hear them. Still, they had gotten to know each other's bodies better, and had even stretched the limits of physical contact set by the Shan-Fall a little. Even then, he had needed her skin against his and he had wanted to please her, although the presence of the other Minbari just outside her bedroom had stopped them from getting too caught up in their passion. The Minbari had burst into song almost like clockwork whenever things heated up between them, and he knows that is how the ritual was supposed to work. He had given her pleasure with his hands and mouth though, and a few interesting accessories, like she had him. He had given her more than she had expected, because he'd given her a release and she had been like jello in his arms afterwards. She had whispered to him, _you should not have done that_ , but he'd had no regrets and in the end, she'd slept soundly on his chest and had not mentioned it again. As far as they knew, the other Minbari are still unaware of what had happened. They had not started a song. He knows he was supposed to keep his hands outside her underwear but she hadn't stopped him and he hadn't wanted to stop. And when he'd asked her if it was okay, she had simply closed her eyes and nodded, letting it happen. As for him, her silent gasp as her body trembled, clenching around his fingers, has been seared in his brain forever.

Now, her hand has drifted underneath his shirt and she is caressing his chest. His skin burns where she touches him and he wants more.

Delenn finds herself needing. Needing more of him before she has to go. She has always prided herself in knowing what she needs to do and then doing it, no matter what. But it is getting harder for her because of him. It is another reason why she has to leave, she knows this. But knowing it is the right thing to do, does not make it less painful. It almost hurts physically to know she may not see him again for months after tonight. Maybe she will never see him again, because in this war, there are no guarantees. They have both played their part in the war against the Shadows and it is over. But their own worlds are in turmoil and John is a target of his own world's government, plain and simple. Maybe she is a target back home as well, she does not know for certain. She will need to find out once she is on Minbar again. But before she leaves, they have this one night together and she needs. Needs him. More of him than ever before. All of him.

They are lying close together on their sides, facing each other, stretched out on her comfortable sofa. It is better for him than her tilted bed. She does not remember exactly how they got here but it doesn't matter. John's warm skin is inviting and when he pulls her even closer to him, she can feel that he is as affected by their closeness as she is. Delenn pushes her hips against his and John groans.

"You're killing me," he says softly in her ear, and goosebumps break out all over her skin where his breath hits her neck.

"We cannot have that," she whispers. "It would be such a waste of this night."

"Yes, it would," John hums, his lips skimming the shell of her ear.

His hand caresses her back and drifts down to cup her butt. She returns the favor, squeezing John's butt cheek gently.

"I butt, you butt," John says against her ear, his voice a low rumble. Delenn laughs out loud. It had been such a silly yet liberating moment between them, all those months ago. A lot has happened since then. She almost lost him and she almost lost his love. But he has come back to her and wants to spend the years he has left in this life by her side. The sparkling ring on her left hand gives testament to that.

"I love you, Delenn," John tells her softly.

"And I love you. More than I had ever thought possible," she answers him truthfully.

They stare into each others' eyes for a few long moments, and then their lips find each other once more in a long, passionate kiss. There is an urgency in their kissing, almost as if their bodies fear it may be the last chance they have to be together. John's hands roam her body, eager to touch her and she knows what he is after. She is after the same thing, even if it makes her nervous. She has only just begun to understand the human side of her new body and even if John had been very pleased with the Shan-Fall ritual, she is uncertain if she will be able to meet his expectations. He has been married before, after all. And while her body is clearly willing, John senses her hesitation, like she should have known he would.

John breaks off their intimate kiss and rests his forehead against hers. He closes his eyes. He needs a moment to regain his composure. He doesn't understand Minbari boundaries completely yet. He knows what he'd want, but he doesn't know if Delenn is ready. He isn't sure which ritual is next for them at this stage in their relationship, and what she would be comfortable with.

He clears his throat and he feels Delenn tense in his arms. She has to know what he's going to ask her next.

"Delenn, tell me something."

"What do you want to know?" she asks him softly.

"How many more rituals do we have to go through before our wedding night?"

She blinks a few times and he sees the meaning of his question sink in. He holds his breath while he waits for her answer, and lets it out slowly when she reaches up to caress his cheek. Why is he suddenly this nervous?

"As you know, we have many rituals for romantic relationships," Delenn answers.

"Hm," John nods.

"But after the ones we have already performed, the first three movements of preparation, there is no specific order to the ones that still remain."

"There isn't?"

"No."

Her green eyes sparkle and he tries to understand what this means for tonight. For right now.

"So we can just pick one?"

"Yes. Or … we can skip all of them."

John's face lights up instantly.

"Now _that_ is interesting!"

Delenn laughs and it helps quell her nerves a little bit. She understands what John is asking her and why. He wants her as badly as she wants him.

"We will need to revisit the remaining rituals at some point," she tells him seriously, but she can't suppress a smile.

"Of course we will," John says quickly, and his eagerness is endearing.

"But not tonight," Delenn says quietly.

"Not tonight," John repeats.

He pushes himself up on one elbow and Delenn turns on her back. Looking up at him while biting her lip, she seems vulnerable now, and John feels the need to check once more if they're really on the same page.

"I want to make love to you, Delenn," he tells her softly. "To express my feelings for you by loving all of you as completely as I can."

She takes a deep breath but doesn't look away. There is a sea of calmness in her eyes suddenly - of absolute certainty when she tells him,

"I want the same."

John lets out a sound resembling a growl and it makes her giggle. Her face turns serious again when she reaches for him, grasping his shoulders and pulling him down against her. She meets him halfway while he rolls on top of her and fuses her lips with his once more.

They don't speak much after that, communicating only with their bodies anymore. They stand up together and their clothing ends up in a messy pile on the floor next to the sofa, one item after the other. When Delenn makes him sit down again and pushes him on his back, he gives her all the controls. All he wants is to make her happy and they'll go at her pace. When she climbs on top of him, straddling his waist, he reaches up to cup her firm breasts. Delenn lets her head fall back and closes her eyes, giving him full access to her upper body. She moans when he touches her and rocks her hips against him. Her slender form is beautiful and he wonders if she knows. The bone crest on her head looks like a crown and he loves how royal it makes her look.

"My queen," he whispers and she smiles widely at him.

Delenn splays her hands on his chest and leans forward slightly, creating a delicious friction for herself between their naked bodies.

"My Captain," she whispers.

"Forever in your service," John tells her and she believes him.

She does not feel ashamed, naked in front of him. It is quite possible that he knows her body better than she knows it herself. He is a Human and he knows how to please her. Her body has changed more than she had realized and it all feels completely new with John. But maybe that is because she loves him. When she leans down to kiss him, he wraps his arms around her and flips them over. She is now underneath him, her breasts pressed against his chest and his lower half trapped between her legs. He kisses her again and she closes her eyes, and when his mouth starts making a trail down her chin and neck and further down, she arches into his touch.

Being with John feels like dancing. It is a dance of love and they discover even more centers of pleasure than during the Shan-Fall while their love manifests itself physically. They change positions a few more times and John is careful when their bodies finally merge. But she is ready for him and they move fluently as one, breathing each other in and finishing their dance in an explosion of passion that rocks them both to the core, body and mind.

Utterly spent and still catching his breath, John draws patterns on Delenn's back lazily. She is draped on top of him, a sheen of sweat covering her fair skin. He's pretty sure she told him once that Minbari don't sweat so this must be her human side coming out. She's warm but he knows they will cool off soon, and he pulls a purple satin sheet over them both that happens to be there very conveniently on the backrest of the sofa. He can't remember now if it was always there or not. It doesn't matter one bit to him either.

She's amazing. He has no other words right now. No one knows her like this but him and he's proud of that. They all see her as this poised, thoughtful, wise and well-spoken lady; a strong and engaged leader; a proud Minbari. And she is all of those things. No one knows how tender she can be; how she moans under his touch; how she whispers encouraging words in his ear in Minbari in the heat of passion. How she loves, with every fiber of her being and how she shatters into a million pieces when she comes undone. He is covered in those pieces of bliss now and he never wants to move. He is hers completely and he will miss her even more now that they have finally become one.

He turns them on their sides when he feels her falling asleep in his arms and she moves easily with him, curling into his side contently. He relaxes on the comfortable sofa. He feels utterly complete and soon sleep claims him as well.

* * *

 **I'd love to know what you think of this chapter!**


	22. Chapter 22

_Apologies for the delay. Unfortunately, from now on I can no longer promise you weekly updates on Saturday. For quite a while, I was far ahead writing this story - as if it was writing itself. Now, I have caught up with myself and will need to find time to write the remaining chapters._  
 _For guest readers, I would recommend creating a free account at this website so you can subscribe to this story. That way you don't have to check it every time to see if it's been updated. You will simply receive an email notification. You don't have to be a writer to have an account. Just a thought._

 _Having said that, here is chapter 22. I'd love to read your reviews afterwards._

 _Setting of next scene: right after the previous one :)_

* * *

When Delenn wakes up, she is temporarily disoriented. She is unsure where she is but when she sits up and the satin sheet slides off of her naked chest, the memories of the evening before slam into her and take her breath away. She shivers and pulls the sheet back up. She stands up from the sofa, taking the sheet with her, and wraps it around her underneath her armpits so she can hold both ends together in front of her chest. Where is John?

"Lights, low," she says softly, and the computer beeps as the soft lights in her quarters come on.

Just then, she hears the door of her bathroom open and close. Knowing it can only be John, she walks towards her bedroom to meet him halfway. When he walks up to her in nothing but his black boxer briefs, her breath hitches and she is certain her wide grin must be matching his.

"Hey you," John says, and his raspy voice sends a shiver through her body.

"Hi," she says softly.

She opens the sheet, revealing her naked form to him and inviting him to come closer. The sheet drops to her hips as she wraps her arms around his waist, still holding on to the satin fabric and trapping him inside it. John hums contently while he wraps his arms around her, nuzzling his nose in her neck.

"What time to you have to go?" he asks her softly.

"I start packing at seven. We leave at eight."

"It's six now," he tells her. "We have a whole hour left."

"Whatever shall we do with all that time," Delenn says huskily, kissing the skin just below his ear softly.

John briefly thinks of cracking another joke but reconsiders. Time is too precious and if he can have her again before she has to go, he wants to. So he tells her,

"I have a few ideas."

Their lips find each other once more in a deep kiss and they both moan, trying to get closer to each other. John keeps his left arm wrapped around her waist and lets his right hand travel up from her hip. Delenn breaks off the kiss and leans back a little, giving him access to her left breast. John massages it while kissing her shoulder and she moans again, her body already anticipating what they are about to do. Her eyes are closed, all her senses focused on John's touch. He hums contently against her skin and is touching her in the most delicious way. She moans again and is about to drop the sheet so she can get rid of his underwear when John suddenly freezes. Instinctively, she stops moving as well. John's hands fly to the sheet at her waist and he pulls it up fast, almost knocking her off balance, and she opens her eyes to look at him. But John is staring at something behind her. He wraps the sheet around her shoulders and her stomach drops when she hears him say,  
"Mr Lennier! Do you mind!"

She looks over her shoulder and sees her aide, seemingly frozen in place, staring at them. Neither of them had heard him come in …

"Lennier!" John says again, even more urgently and the younger man blinks.

"Please Lennier. Leave," she manages to say softly and that finally propels her aide into action. He stammers an apology and then runs out of the room.

John huffs and shakes his head, still feeling angry. The other man should have listened to him and gotten the hell out of there the instant he'd seen them. What was he doing there in the first place, barging into Delenn's quarters like that? He's glad Delenn's back was turned to the door. He doesn't want anyone else seeing her in a state of undress. She's his and his alone. At least Lennier knows this now too. He looks down at Delenn and sees that she's a little shocked. He wonders what she's thinking now. He suddenly wonders if they haven't broken any rules after all; if maybe she's let her own desire take over against the tradition of the Minbari. Or _his_ desire?

"Delenn," he says softly and she looks up at him. "Are you alright?"

She forces a smile and nods but he doesn't believe her.

"You don't look alright."

When she pulls the sheet a little tighter around herself, he knows something is wrong, and it's not just about being caught by Lennier. He puts his hands on her covered shoulders and squeezes them gently.

"Hey. We didn't break any important rules, did we? You said this was okay."

"It … it is," Delenn stammers. "It is very much okay, because we both wanted it."

When she looks up at him, he can see the conflict in her eyes and now he feels bad. Did he push her too far too fast after all?

"I know _I_ wanted it," John says softly.

"So did I," she assures him. "It's just …"

She tries to turn away but John won't let her.

"It's just what? Come on, Delenn. Be honest with me for once."

He can see that his words hurt her and that hadn't been his intention. She's been trying to open up to him and he can't keep reminding her that she used to keep things from him.

"Honey, I …" he starts, but Delenn doesn't let him finish his apology.

She lifts a hand from under the sheet and places her fingers on his lips, silencing him.

"It's alright. I know what you mean. And the truth is … Lennier _will_ be shocked, for several reasons actually."

"Hm," John nods. Part of him feels an almost evil satisfaction that Lennier has been shocked into accepting him as Delenn's choice once and for all. He will think twice before coming in without knocking again. But his main concern is Delenn. She needs to be okay with this before she leaves. Lennier is going to go with her after all and he doesn't want her to start regretting the step they've taken after she leaves.

"So … _was_ there another ritual we should have performed first?" he asks her.

Delenn sighs and shakes her head lightly before looking up at him.

"John … when you had gone to Z'ha'dum, because I … I had lied to you …"

He wants to interrupt her but she forges ahead. She needs to get this out. A half truth is worse than a lie so she did lie to him, repeatedly.

"I realized that after my change, I should have changed my heart more than I did. I am no longer wholly Minbari and I should have opened up to you more. Trusted you more. Become more … Human. Our rituals still mean a lot to me but they should not hold us back from becoming closer. They should not alienate us from each other. I needed for this to happen as much as you did. Perhaps even more."

Her faint smile makes him smile and he leans in to give her a sweet kiss. Delenn finds herself relaxing again.

"But you think Lennier won't understand. Is that it?"

"Perhaps."

She wiggles her head and then adds,

"Probably. But he does not need to understand. This is between you and me."

"You're damn right it is," John growls, holding her a little tighter, and his possessiveness makes her stomach flutter. "But Delenn."

His soft voice makes her feel warm inside and she looks up at him again.

"You know I would have waited. I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?"

The sincerity in his eyes moves her deeply and she hides her face in the crook of his neck. John holds her close, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, wondering if she's really alright, when he feels her arms move from under the sheet until she can slide them around his waist again. Her naked chest is brushing against his and his skin feels like it's being set on fire. He feels her lips against his skin and when she starts making a trail of kisses down to his shoulder and collarbone, his breathing becomes shallow. But Delenn doesn't stop and her hands are starting to explore his body again. He can't stop his own body from reacting strongly to her touch and when she smiles up at him, he dives in and kisses her passionately once more. The satin sheet drops to the floor. Their discomfort at being caught is quickly forgotten and when they break apart, Delenn takes his hands and leads him to her bed. Her tilted bed.

"Let me show you the advantages of a bed like this," she says softly and the sultry look in her eyes suddenly makes him very eager to try out that bed of hers.

"Lie down," Delenn tells him and she looks at his body while he drops his boxer briefs and climbs on her bed. He is beautiful, she thinks. A tall and strong yet tender man with warm skin and a passion that makes her stomach tremble when she thinks about it. Once he is lying on his back, she joins him, climbing over him, placing one knee on either side of his chest. John's hands fly to her waist and he pulls her close to him so he can kiss her breasts, one by one. She can feel the desire growing deep inside her belly already and grabs the top of the bed with both hands. She looks down at John, who stares up at her with so much love and desire in his eyes that she has to swallow a lump in her throat. She may never see him again after today. She definitely needed for this to happen. She lowers herself, never letting go of the top of the bed, and kisses her fiancé passionately while covering his naked form with her own.

John soon finds out that the angle of the bed has advantages indeed. In their current position, Delenn can generate momentum with her arms and he gladly lets her take all of him. He wonders briefly if she's done this before but soon, all he can think of is how much he loves her and how deeply he wants her to know it. To feel it. They both try not to rush, not to think about their time together running out, but their lovemaking is intense, as if they can't get close enough to each other. They probably can't, they realize but when they reach the climax of the physical expression of their love for each other, they both cry out what's in their hearts, each in their own language.

 _I love you!_

 _A'fel E'!_

* * *

Lennier can't remember how he got back to his own quarters. He has tried everything he can think of to clear his head but the image seems to be imprinted in his brain from now until eternity. He saw so much bare skin that his body feels like it's in shock, but _his_ hands had been touching her, and _his_ mouth. Delenn has chosen the Human without any reservations and he will have to accept it. He thought he was managing that up to a point by now, but seeing them be intimate together has thrown him off completely. He had not been ready to see what he's just seen; he should never have seen it at all.

Delenn has chosen not to wait any longer. She seems to be embracing her Human side more and more and Lennier doesn't know how to deal with that. He still loves her deeply, but perhaps he only loves her Minbari side? He isn't sure. He isn't sure about anything anymore. It was never supposed to be like this. He had never wanted to fall in love, let alone with a woman he can never have. And now she is breaking Minbari tradition and he wonders if this will finally change his feelings for her. Part of him wishes it will because his feelings can only get in the way, but another part of him already knows that he will remain committed to Delenn, no matter what.

He recites a few texts from the holy books of the Minbari while he finishes packing his things and once he's ready to go, he leaves for the docking bay alone to wait for Delenn there. While he waits, he attempts to meditate for a while. He needs to come out of his shock and calm down before he sees her again. He cannot keep thinking about her body while they travel back to Minbar together. He has to respect her choice, whether he agrees with it or not. If he doesn't respect her choice, how can he say he truly respects _her_ and wishes to serve her?

* * *

Lennier has not come back and Delenn has finished packing her things on her own. Not that she really needed her aide for that, but they usually do these things together. She is alone in her quarters now and she decides to leave for the docking bay. Hopefully, Lennier will meet her there if he will not come to her quarters. She isn't sure what she will do if Lennier is not there.

She and John had showered together and had helped each other get dressed. It had almost felt like an intimate farewell ritual but John had promised her he would be there to see them off. Delenn is relieved when she sees Lennier in the waiting area, his bag in the seat next to his. She is unsure if she should say anything about what he's witnessed. It is, like they said, something between her and John, but things may get awkward if they don't address it at least in general terms.

When Lennier spots her, he stands up and greets her with a formal bow from afar. He is clearly keeping his distance and she can't blame him. She approaches him, still not knowing exactly what she should tell the young man. And then Lennier speaks before she does, his eyes downcast but his voice firm.

"Delenn, my deepest apologies for entering your quarters earlier and disturbing you and your betrothed. It will not happen again and if you agree, I think we should not speak of it again."

His choice of words tell her that Lennier is beginning to accept John as her future husband. If not, he would not have called him her betrothed. Perhaps her aide has been shocked into acceptance, and however awkward, perhaps it was a good thing after all.

"Lennier," she says gently, and her aide looks up.

"Yes, Delenn?"

"I accept your apology and if you wish, we shall not speak of it again, as you say."

Lennier bows once more.

"Thank you, Delenn," he says quietly.

"Is our ship ready?"

Lennier blinks and Delenn knows he is surprised that she has changed the subject.

"I believe it is, yes," he responds quickly.

"Alright. John is meeting us here to see us off in a minute and then we can go."

Just then, John arrives and Delenn quickly walks up to him.

"You made it."

"Of course I made it," John tells her softly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him. "We made a covenant, remember?"

"I remember."

She rubs her nose against John's and they both smile, but there's some sadness in their eyes too.

"Goodnight, my love," John whispers before kissing her softly on the lips.

"Goodnight, my Captain," Delenn responds, kissing him back just as softly.

They hug and hold each other tight for a few long moments, both realizing that this moment in time may become the moment they said goodbye.

* * *

 **To be continued soon.**


	23. Chapter 23

_As those familiar with the show know, we now had a series of episodes in which the couple was apart. Delenn returns home and all but sacrifices her own life for her people and is able to end the civil war on Minbar and restore the Grey Council, giving the worker class a majority in the council for the first time in Minbari history.  
After Earth starts bombing defecting colonies and Earth forces kill ten thousand civilians who were only trying to flee the kill zone, John declares war on president Clark. He manages to free several colonies and outposts, and many Earth Force ships defect and join John's resistance in the process.  
By now, they have been apart for months. When Delenn finally returns to Babylon 5, John has just left for Mars with Garibaldi, trying to find David Sheridan, John's father._

 _In John's absence, Ivanova now commands the fleet, that continues to make headway towards Mars - their last stop before Earth itself._

 _Setting of next scenes: season 4, writing towards episode 19 ("Between the Darkness and the Light.")  
A few thoughts of Delenn and John …_

* * *

Delenn understands why Lennier did come into her quarters unannounced this time but she'd already sensed it. Something is terribly wrong and it has to do with John. That awful Earth propaganda channel ISN soon confirms that John has indeed been captured on Mars. They say he is being treated well but she knows it's a lie. It's as if she can sense his pain and even his frustration. It was Garibaldi who set him up and that has to hurt even more. Delenn stays busy, looking after Babylon 5 in Ivanova's absence at the Commander's request, but she tries to get close to John in spirit during the days and nights that follow. She whispers to him in the night, telling him to stay strong and not give in to the pressure. She knows they will want him to make a public statement, telling the world that he regrets his actions, but it would be a lie. He doesn't regret his actions, nor should he. He may be going against orders but morally, he knows this is the right thing to do. She prays that John will not break.

There is not a word from him, just a lot of lies about how he is cooperating and doing much better now that he is being freed of the alien influence that supposedly had made him turn against his own people.

That would be her

It's preposterous. The President may think that blaming aliens for all their troubles is a great way to unite his people and rally them behind him, but the resistance is growing. John's fleet - now Ivanova's fleet - keeps getting larger as more colonies are freed and more Earth ships defect to join their side.

Meanwhile, while John had emphasized that there could only be Human commanders on board of the ships to make sure it doesn't look like an alien invasion after all, something amazing has happened. Led by Londo Mollari and G'Kar no less, the Centauri and Narn have convinced the rest of the League to throw their support behind Ivanova's fleet as well. They feel they owe it to John, after he saved them all from the Shadows and the Vorlons. They have kept Delenn out of the vote to make sure everyone knows there is no personal agenda to their decision.

Delenn doesn't know how to express her gratitude but her face shows it all. She had planned to join the fleet shortly to take over command of the White Stars while Ivanova would lead the strike to free Mars, but she now knows that all the other worlds are coming with her. They will stay in the background, as instructed by John. They will only intervene when absolutely necessary. They are there to support the resistance, not to invade Earth. It is an amazing thing to see all these worlds come together for a common goal once again and it moves her deeply. She can only hope John will be alive to witness it.

* * *

The torture is … torture.

He's been beaten to a pulp, left on a cold concrete floor for days, fitted with Narn pain givers around his neck and wrists. He is then strapped in a metal chair and is drugged. He's had nothing to eat or drink and only the bare minimum is now being fed to him from an IV bag to keep him alive.

It must have been more than a week but John has no sense of time anymore. He doesn't know whether it's night or day or how long he's been inside this room. They keep doing this trick with the lights each time the door opens, to make him feel more and more disconnected from the outside world. It's working like a charm but they won't make him disconnect from who he is or from his core beliefs. He won't let them. Drugs or no drugs, they can't make him admit to something that simply isn't true. The alien governments weren't the ones who put him up to going against Earth. It has been his conscience all along, seeing how immoral and false Clark's propaganda is. They've tried to confuse him by trying to demonstrate that the truth is fluid. The Minbari for instance, once the enemy he fought, are now no longer the enemy. He has even taken a Minbari as a lover. But the very image of his lovely fiancée is what pulls him through a few very dark moments. He can see her standing there, next to his interrogator, looking at him. It's as if she's telling him to stay strong and he will. The truth is on his side and no matter how many tricks they play on him, the truth is the only thing they can make him speak.

You cannot fight the system, they say. But he can. Oh yes, he can. They're obviously threatened by him. The interrogator has even said so. John's credibility as a war hero is threatening the credibility of the government. People listen when John speaks.

He _can_ fight the system and he tells the man so. He can fight the system simply by refusing to bow down.

"But can you win?" the man asks.

John's voice is weak but his words are strong when he answers,

"Every time I say No."

Suddenly the room bursts open and several men come in, strap him on a gurney and wheel him off. John expects to die shortly and thinks of Delenn again. The image of her sweet face will sustain him until the end, which seems inevitable now.

And then he's in another room. It's identical to the first. He is put in an iron chair and when a new interrogator enters, the entire process starts all over again …

* * *

Garibaldi had been brainwashed by the Psy Corps to turn against the Captain. Lyta has confirmed it by doing a deep scan on him like he's asked her to do. Now free of the brainwashing, Garibaldi is determined to do anything he can to make amends and get John out. Since he is considered a hero for turning the Captain in, he manages to find John's cell and with the help of Lyta's enhanced telepathic powers, they easily incapacitate the guards and free John.

John is still very weak and disoriented due to the lack of nutrition, sleep deprivation and the drugs in his system, but he recognizes his friends and goes with them.

Meanwhile, Delenn and the other alien ships are on their way to meet up with Ivanova's fleet. Before they can reach the rendezvous point, Ivanova finds out about an ambush by elite destroyers that are completely loyal to Clark, and she decides to go in with just the White Stars. They win the battle but Ivanova is critically injured.

Ivanova is transferred to Delenn's cruiser, where the Minbari Doctors are taking care of the Commander as best they can. It doesn't look good and Ivanova will die soon.

And then they receive word from a small ship leaving Mars that John is on board. Delenn is greatly relieved. He _will_ be able to see the battle for himself. He _will_ be able to see what he's accomplished, bringing all the worlds together once again. But he will also need to say goodbye to Susan Ivanova, his second in command and his good friend.

Delenn is in the main corridor of her war cruiser, giving one of the other Minbari some instructions when suddenly John appears at the other end of the corridor. His face lights up when he sees her. She is as beautiful as in his visions and he stares at her for a moment before his legs start carrying him towards her. Delenn rushes to his side and they embrace, kissing each other deeply. When they break apart he sighs,

"Oh, I saw you standing … so many times … just like that."

Delenn caresses his cheeks and chest and stammers,

"I've told my personal physicians to look at you."

"No … it can wait," John tells her. "I wanna see her."

"Are you sure you're …"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. It wasn't that bad," John tells her, although she can see clearly that he is not fine and it _was_ that bad. She can't let go of him and John rubs her back gently, promising her,

"I'll talk about it when I'm ready. It's just … gonna take a while. Alright?"

Delenn caresses his cheek once more, marveling at his new beard and drinking in how he's really here in her arms again. Then she nods.

"I'll take you to her."

Delenn takes his hand and leads him to the room where Ivanova is and her heart breaks a little for both of them when they say their final goodbyes to each other. Ivanova makes John promise he'll lead the battle to free Mars and Earth from the Agamemnon, his old ship, and he promises that he will. Once John is ready to leave, Delenn takes him with her to be checked out by her Doctors and then to her temporary quarters on board the war cruiser for a shower, some food and rest. John keeps insisting that he's fine but she can see that he is not. She doesn't know what he has been through on Mars but the cuts and bruises on his body tell her a painful story, and so does the haunted look in his eyes. Naturally, he is upset about Ivanova but there is more to it than that.

He has taken a shower and she has helped him put on a clean shirt and something he calls sweatpants, having brought his uniform as well as some of his off-duty clothes with them. Once he has eaten a little, she urges him to lie down. John looks around the room and she knows what he is looking for. He wants to rest on the kind of bed his Human body is used to and she smiles, standing up and taking his hand once more. She leads him to the part of the room that he had not noticed before because a curtain hides it from the view of anyone who might enter these quarters. She hears a surprised, longing sound coming from his throat, something between a sigh and a moan when he sees the comfortable, big bed and she squeezes his hand.

"We just had to find you again," she tells him quietly. "So I had this bed installed here …"

"Willing me to come back to use it?" John finished for her with a tired smile.

"Yes."

"Thank you Delenn."

He looks at her then and she sees that haunted look in his eyes again. It worries her and she wishes there was time for him to deal with what he has been through.

"Lay with me?" he asks her, and it is enough for now that he wants, no, _needs_ her company.

He will not have to go through it all alone. She will be right here next to him all the way.

"Of course," she responds with a soft smile, and they move towards the bed together.

John lies down in his clothes, too tired to undress first and Delenn only takes off the sleeveless layer of her dress and her shoes before scooting under the covers next to him. John groans contently when his aching body sinks into the soft mattress and he knows that only Delenn's presence is required to make this feel absolutely perfect. He holds out his arm when she cuddles up next to him and wraps it around her shoulders. He is on his back and she on her side, and she rests her head on his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his waist underneath the thick, warm duvet. John links his hands together around her shoulders, holding Delenn tightly against him. The thought of holding her again had been what kept him going in the interrogations and now that they are together again, he thinks he might sleep at last.

Tomorrow, a whole new set of challenges awaits them. He still can't fathom that Susan won't be there to see the conclusion of this war against Clark and he tries not to think about it, or he still won't be able to sleep. He turns his head and kisses Delenn's forehead. He doesn't know what he'd do if he didn't have her right now to lean on. The mere thought of her had kept him sane under insane circumstances and he can only hope that he will be able to focus enough in the days to come to end this war once and for all. Delenn will be there and it's a huge comfort. Knowing all the League worlds stand with them has given him an additional boost, confirming that he's on the right track and that everything the interrogators had wanted him to say, are lies. These alien races aren't out to conquer Earth and the Minbari aren't out to make Humans turn into them. He sighs and looks at the beautiful woman in his arms. Maybe he has been influenced a little by this particular Minbari because he can't think of a more enchanting creature in the entire universe. But her soul is so genuine and giving - always thinking more of others than herself. How anyone could perceive her as a threat is beyond him.

"Try to sleep, John," he hears her say softly and he smiles, rubbing his cheek against her forehead.

"Don't worry about me, my love. I'm fine," he tells her again.

"Would you stop worrying about me just because I told you to?" she asks, the way only Delenn can ask a rhetorical question while making him answer anyway.

"I suppose not," he admits.

"The day I stop worrying about you, you should be worried," Delenn tells him dryly and that finally makes him laugh out loud, for the first time in weeks.

"Have I told you today how much I love you?" he asks her, turning on his side to face her and bringing their faces nose to nose.

She pretends to think long and hard about his question and he loves how there are tiny lights dancing in her eyes when she does something like this. Despite the circumstances they are allowed to have these few moments of happiness, he decides and he rubs his nose against hers.

"I love you Delenn," he tells her, still smiling but speaking more seriously now. "To the moon and back, we used to say back home."

"Which moon?" Delenn asks and John remembers that Minbar actually has two moons.

"All the moons in the galaxy," John rumbles, and when he moves in, Delenn whispers to him, just before their lips meet in a deep kiss,

"I love you too."

* * *

 **To be continued soon.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Small note: as most of my Law and Order: Special Victims Unit readers know by now, I was in a minor accident 2 months ago, exactly one day after updating this story, resulting in a broken right shoulder. One hand short, this has slowed down my writing considerably (aside from being in quite a bit of pain the first weeks). But I have not forgotten about this story! I hope you will enjoy this short chapter I've been able to cook up while learning to type with two hands again.  
I am changing a rather big detail for our lovely couple because I was totally unhappy with what we got (or didn't get) on the show. I hope you'll like it!**

 _Setting of next scene: episode 21 ("Rising Star") after a brief summary of episode 20 ("Endgame")_

* * *

It's over.

The war is actually over.

The question who has won may be tricky to answer. Clark, realizing his imminent defeat, had taken his own life, but not before turning Earth's entire defense grid against the planet itself. It had taken both John's and Earth's forces and even the alien fleet to take out the grid to save Earth from total destruction so in the end, maybe everyone won. But the cost has been enormous. Many lives have been lost on all sides in the battles for the colonies as well as Mars and Earth.

Delenn is incredibly proud of John. Immediately after the final battle, he had surrendered to the new Earth President, proving once and for all that he never planned to conquer, only to free his people from the horrible administration that had his home in its evil hold. Acting President Susanna Luchenko offers his entire crew amnesty in exchange for his immediate resignation, if he agrees to turn in his rank and uniform for good.

"The bitch of it is, that you probably did the right thing," President Luchenko tells him with a sad smile. "But you did it in the wrong way. In the inconvenient way. Now you have to pay the penalty for that. I know it stinks, but that's the way it is."

It isn't easy for John to resign because he had truly expected to wear the Earth Force uniform again one day, but it is a small price to pay to make sure every Earth force officer who helped him, will not lose their uniform, pension or good standing in the force.

And John is incredibly proud of Delenn. During his debriefing on Earth, she has been working hard to form a brand-new interplanetary alliance; in fact, it will be called the Interstellar Alliance. And all the participating races have voted to name _him_ President of the Alliance! He had hoped she would be able to pull it off but hadn't been sure until now, now that she's here with him, on Earth for the first time.

The only shadow that is cast over this victory is the loss of Marcus, who had broken away from the fleet to return to Babylon 5 with Ivanova, and has used an alien device to transfer all his life energy to her, saving her life at the cost of his own. He will be missed, maybe most by Ivanova herself, but Delenn has seen Lennier struggling as well. Perhaps the tragedy of a relationship that never was strikes a special cord with him, and she tells herself to be more mindful of Lennier from now on, to prove to him that not all love is unrequited, like Ivanova had said. But right now, she is happy to be back with John.

Until the press conference and John's official resignation, he is still officially a prisoner and isn't allowed to leave the government headquarters. An officer assigned with taking him as well as other guests to their quarters, begins to apologize that they don't have any Minbari accomodations yet at the facility, but John reassures him quickly. He wraps his arm around Delenn's waist and pulls her close to him while informing the young man,

"That is no problem at all. She's staying with me."

"Uh, yes sir. Of course," the man stammers, making an inviting gesture for them to follow him to John's temporary quarters.

He is clearly too baffled to even wonder if it is allowed for the 'prisoner' to receive conjugal visits under the circumstances and John winks at Delenn.

Tomorrow, they will give a press conference, to announce the formation of the new Alliance there, and invite Earth to sign up with them. But that's tomorrow. This night belongs to them. As soon as the door closes behind them, John takes Delenn in his arms and kisses her passionately. She allows herself to finally relax and she smiles up at her fiancée when he lays her down gently on the big, human bed. It's a little too soft for her taste, but she'll try to get used to it, just like John is trying to get used to her tilted bed.

"I've missed you," John rumbles in her ear as he drapes himself against her on the bed, the hairs of his newly acquired beard tickling her neck.

She can tell that he has more energy now than when he'd just been rescued from Mars and she admits that she has missed him too. Not just his presence, but his body too. She hadn't known how much she would miss their physical closeness now, after just one night together. There is a lot to talk about and to process, but being with John is all that matters for the moment.

John can feel the exact moment that Delenn surrenders to him and it still amazes him that she is truly his and that she wants to be with him. All his concerns about what the morning will bring, and even what they will find once they return to Babylon 5, are pushed out of his thoughts for now.

They make love slowly, taking in every inch of each other because it's been too long. So much has happened and they haven't even begun to process any of it, but it doesn't matter in these moments. This is about them as people and has nothing to do with their positions or even the roles they've played in the two recent wars. Tonight, they are John and Delenn. Tomorrow they will be Captain and Ambassador again, and after the press conference, John will be Mr. President. But tomorrow can wait.

Once they cuddle up together, completely content and with as much skin touching each other as physically possible, they chat a little about all the events of the past days and weeks before falling asleep.

It's a quiet conversation, about Lyta and the telepaths they had to sacrifice to free Mars; about Ivanova and Marcus; about John's parents and the family farm, that hasn't been burnt to the ground after all; about the torture John has had to endure, although he still isn't ready to go into that in depth; and about marriage. Their marriage.

"Delenn, can I ask you something?" John asks.

"Anything," she breathes against his naked chest and his arm around her shoulders tightens a little.

"While we're here on Earth, I'd really love to show you where I grew up. General Foote assured me that our farm is fine. Clark's propaganda machine just wanted us to think it was gone to demoralize me. I wanna go there with you and find my parents and … and if you agree …"

He suddenly feels a little nervous.

"If I agree to what, John?" Delenn asks, lifting her head to look at him.

"I'd like for us to get married there. This week. Before we go back."

There. He's said it. And now he holds his breath and watches his fiancée for a reaction.

She's silent for a few moments and just looks at him, but her eyes are shining in the dimly lit room and the corners of her mouth begin to tug up. John can't suppress a little smile of his own and nods at her hopefully.

"Yes?" he asks her, urging her to say something.

Delenn's smile widens and she nods.

"Yes. That sounds absolutely perfect."

John laughs happily and then pulls her in for a kiss. Delenn giggles at his enthusiasm. How could she refuse this sweet request? It doesn't really matter to her how and when they get married and if this is important to him, it is important to her. She has no real family left on Minbar and John's family is here. She understands. He hasn't been this close to home in years. When John finally releases her lips, she caresses his bearded cheek and beams at him.

"I love you," she tells him once again. "And I'd follow you anywhere."

"That's a dangerous thing to say, Delenn," he responds, but he's still smiling, understanding what she means.

They are both always ready to put their duty over their own interests and that won't change. But the sentiment is a real one and it is one that will always bring them back together, no matter how much duty may pull them apart at times.

"I live dangerously," Delenn tells him dryly and they both laugh again before losing themselves in one last, deep kiss before they go to sleep.

* * *

It's almost impossible for him not to gloat about it when the people who have been keeping him a prisoner on Earth, now have to address him as Mr. President. He's made sure the press have multiple copies of the certificate of amnesty for himself and his crew and isn't just walking out of the government building a free man, but as someone the Earth government will have to deal with in the future.

He thinks acting President Luchenko appreciates the humor of the situation but she can't let anything on in public. General Foote is just plain annoyed and he assures the man that if the League had made a different decision it would have been fine with him too. But as it stands, he is now the President of the Interstellar Alliance and needs to be treated with the appropriate decorum. Even by an Earth Force General.

When John and the General emerge from the conference room together and part ways, Delenn walks up to him and she has a wonderful surprise for him. His father is here! Delenn watches happily as the two men embrace, the love between father and son evident. David Sheridan tells his son that people were suddenly very nice to him once John had gotten out.

"I think they figured out they were on the wrong side and there'd be hell to pay if anything happened."

"Oh, you bet," John assures him, his throat thick with emotion and he hugs his father again.

It is wonderful to see her beloved Captain, now President, so happy but Delenn's heart jumps again when David suddenly turns to her and says,

"I hear you're going to be my new daughter-in-law."

He puts his hands on her upper arms and his unquestioning acceptance drapes over her like a warm blanket.

"Yes," she whispers and he welcomes her into the family with a wide smile.

"Thank you," she tells her new father-in-law. "It's been a while since I had a place where I truly belonged."

They are interrupted by General Foote, who delivers his message formally and then departs as swiftly as he came.

"Captain … Mr. President. President Luchenko is waiting for you. Sir."

"Mr. President?" David Sheridan asks, astonished.

They will have to explain it to him later. When they start walking again, David wraps his arm around his son, and then pulls his new daughter-in-law close with his other arm. Delenn swallows hard and understands just a little better now why John wants to get married here, on his home planet, with his family present. And wherever is home for him, will be home for her.

* * *

 **Wedding time after this! Your reviews are appreciated**.


	25. Chapter 25

_Setting of the next scene: a rewrite of the off-screen wedding that apparently took place near the end of "Rising Star" Please read their vows slowly and imagine their voices as they speak. I tried very hard to imagine them while choosing the words!_

 _I know it was December 2261 on the show but this works better in the Summer so here we are. Writer's prerogative :)_

* * *

25.

A soft, warm breeze flows through Delenn's hair and she thinks she's never, ever felt a breeze like this on Minbar. The smell of freshly mowed grass is completely alien to her and the entire atmosphere breathes a sense of serenity that envelops her completely. This is the American countryside; a world, far far away from the hustle and bustle on Babylon 5 and all the intricate games that worlds are playing throughout the galaxy in their quest for power, knowledge, wealth or all of the above. It almost feels unreal for her to be here and the only thing grounding her is the firm grip John has on her hand as he shows her around the Sheridan family farm.

She can tell that John can finally relax here. All the tension of the past few weeks seems non-existent for a moment as he gazes across the fields and takes a deep breath. He is out of uniform and his informal attire, a white T shirt and something Humans call jeans, underlines how he has come here as a regular citizen of Earth, not in any kind of official capacity. He is home.

Delenn knows he still needs to deal with the torture he's endured. He has only told her little bits and pieces so far and she hates what has been done to him. He doesn't know that she watches him at night and can tell that he is having bad dreams about it. Maybe it will be good for him to be here for a while, in the home where he grew up.

They are currently awaiting his mother's arrival. John's sister Elizabeth is bringing her and Delenn is curious about both women. She knows Elizabeth has been to Babylon 5 but they haven't met yet. She's just seen pictures of them in John's quarters. They seem nice and John speaks highly of both of them but she is still a little nervous about meeting them. They all loved Anna after all, and Anna had been one of Elizabeth's best friends. How will they react to their son and brother's alien bride?

"I'm sure they'll love you," John's low voice rumbles next to her, as if he's been reading her mind.

They are standing next to each other on the back porch of the farmhouse and John squeezes her hand reassuringly. He knows she's a little nervous about meeting his mother and sister and her family, but he can also see how she's relaxing as they take in their surroundings. It's so peaceful here and the peace and quiet he's known growing up has always anchored him in some way. His heart swells now that he can share it with the woman he loves and her soft smile makes him want to kiss her.

He glances into the house, somehow still a little shy about kissing a girl on the porch of his parent's house, but when he's made sure they are alone, he moves in. Delenn is in his arms instantly and he loves how perfectly they fit together. Her long arms wrap around his neck and her soft lips caress his as their tongues meet and dance together for a long minute. They only break apart when they hear a door slam inside the house, and John squeezes Delenn's hands once more before they walk inside.

His mother is very nice. The reunion with her husband and son had been a little emotional but after they have all hugged and kissed, the older woman focuses on the new addition to the family while David lifts up his grandchildren one by one and chats with Elizabeth and her husband Daniel.  
When Delenn demurely refers to John's mother as Mrs. Sheridan, she quickly insists that she call her Nancy. Elizabeth seems more reluctant, staying behind with her husband and two children, and Delenn looks over Nancy's shoulder when she sees John pull her aside for a moment. Nancy is just offering her a cup of tea.

"We do have tea in the house, right David?" she asks her husband, who shuffles into the kitchen right away.

"I'm sure we do, dear. I asked Maude to stock up during our absence."

The older man pulls open the fridge and grins.

"And boy, did she stock up!"

He then opens a few cabinets and quickly finds the tea.

"Why don't we sit outside on the front porch, since the weather is so nice," Nancy suggests, and the group follows her outside, leaving David to tend to the tea.

John turns at the door to look at his father, who waves him off.

"Go John. Be with her."

His father understands that Delenn doesn't feel completely at ease yet and John is grateful. He joins his family on the porch just in time to make sure he and Delenn can share the love seat. He wraps his arm around her and smiles reassuringly at her. He has told his sister in no uncertain terms to be kind to Delenn, who feels enough like an outsider as it is. He knows Elizabeth is still struggling with the loss of Anna and finds it difficult to see him with another woman. Whenever they'd all meet up, the two girls would head straight for each other and start chatting instantly as if someone had pressed an invisible Play button.

Now, Elizabeth is quiet and since Delenn isn't one for idle chit chat, that leaves him, Daniel and Nancy to get the conversation going. Nancy makes a few more comments about the weather and how it's made the grass grow so well this year and Elizabeth says that it's good to be home again. They all agree.

When David comes outside, carrying a tray with the tea, John can feel Delenn relax against his arm. Who would have thought that the powerful Ambassador would be insecure in a setting like this? She knows who she is and she has a strong sense of purpose, yet here she is almost shy. If he didn't know any better he'd think she feels inferior to the others.

"So Delenn," David starts as soon as he's set down the tray, leaving the pouring of the tea to his wife. "Tell us a little bit about your home world. We'd like to know where our 'Mister President' here is headed."

John is grateful to his father for steering Delenn into familiar territory and he smiles at David when Delenn sits up and begins talking about Minbar; her home. She knows the most interesting details about the history of her people and about how many of their cities were carved from crystals. She is in her element and John can't keep his eyes off of her. Elizabeth's children can't sit still for very long and Daniel chases after them to play with them in the yard, but Elizabeth remains seated. When he glances at his sister, he catches her watching him. He raises one eyebrow and his sister winks at him, a wordless conversation found only between siblings. Elizabeth must have seen in his eyes how much he loves and admires Delenn because he sees his sister relax, leaning back into the cushion of her deck chair with her cup of tea. He knows then that things are all going to work out.

Nancy asks clever questions and Delenn enjoys explaining the caste and clan system to the older woman. Before they know it, it's time for dinner and husband and wife disappear into the house to 'whip something up' as they phrase it. Delenn looks at John, who is all smiles. He is beaming with pride and love and it makes her feel warm inside.

Elizabeth clears her throat and begins to stand up as well. She seems to think that the couple needs some privacy but John stops her simply by saying her name.

"Lizzie."

"Yeah."

Elizabeth sits back down and nods at her brother.

"Please, tell us how you all have been. How are the kids doing in school?"

Elizabeth looks behind her and smiles when she sees her husband goofing off with their eight-year old daughter while their son of almost ten is kicking a soccer ball around.

"Well, despite everything, they're both doing well in school. Sasha had a ton of friends over for her birthday last month and Matthew is always out playing soccer with his friends. He made the team this year."

"That's great. Maybe he'll be the star of the Interstellar Competition one day," John says, already proud of his nephew.

"If that ever happens, I expect you two to be at every match," Elizabeth says sternly, and then she smiles at Delenn.

"And I expect _you_ to remember that for him, because Johnny here will absolutely forget."

A wide smile lights up Delenn's face when she turns her head to look at him. He knows exactly what she's going to say, and the tone she's going to use.

"Johnny?"

Bingo.

They all laugh then and Elizabeth proceeds to explain to Delenn how Human names are often shortened by other Humans, or changed to a pet name. They joke about Delenn's name a little and ascertain that there is no charming way to shorten it at all.

"But sometimes we make it longer too, right Johnny? She could be Delenny. Or just Lenny."

Their laughter fills the quiet air around them and filters into the house where an older couple is enjoying being reunited at long last. Delenn looks at her future husband and thinks for the first time that she actually may be becoming a part of his family. She could feel at home here too. Not that she would like to be called Lenny, which strikes her as a very odd name, but she feels herself relax into the conversation and the company.

Their wedding arrangements are discussed over dinner. Little Sasha insists on being a flower girl for uncle John and aunt Delenn. Young Matthew is less interested in the ceremony, until he finds out that there will be lots of candy. Again, the conversation flows easily and once they all retire for the night, Delenn lets herself fall on top of the covers of their bed with a content sigh.

John sits down next to her, leaning over her to give her a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"Happy?" he asks her.

Her sparkling eyes tell him her answer. She is happy.

* * *

 _Two days later_

It's his wedding day. Again. How many times can he give his heart away, he wonders. He hopes this will be the last time. The time he has left is limited after all, and he wants to spend all of it with Delenn. There will be times when they will have to be apart again, just like it's always been, but knowing that after today she will be his for the entire galaxy to see, is reassuring. They will always find their way back to each other. And once he has to leave her in this life, or even if she has to go before him, they will wait for each other in the place where no shadows fall. It is part of their vows and he feels them deeply this time. He squeezes Delenn's hands when emotion takes away her ability to speak for a few moments. She forges ahead like he knew she would, but after her vows, there isn't a dry eye left in the room.

They haven't invited a large group of people. They are in the public eye enough as it is and this moment is for them and for the ones they hold dear alone. G'Kar has instructed his men to make sure the press remains at a respectable distance from the farmhouse. John thinks he's even seem one of them shoot down a remote controlled camera and it made him smile. Leave it G'Kar to tell his men to shoot to kill when it comes to cameras.

Lennier is here of course, and Garibaldi. And Delenn's good friend Mayan has made the trip from Minbar to be here for her. Londo has sent Vir on behalf of the Centauri Republic and they are happy to have the gentle Centauri there instead of his much louder, less refined superior. Doctor Franklin sends his regards but has chosen to remain on Babylon 5 to monitor Susan Ivanova's recovery. Physically she seems to be doing well but emotionally … that's another story. And so, other than a few aliens they consider friends, it's just the family. The Sheridans. And today, Delenn will become part of that family. Everyone listens to her words of wisdom, love and commitment when it is time for them to exchange their vows.

"I told you once that we are star stuff. We are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out. Do you remember?"

John nods and smiles at the memory.

"On that journey of figuring itself out, the universe has learned to fight, and it has learned to surrender; it has learned to live and to die; to shrink and to expand; to breathe and hold its breath; to hate and to love; to conquer and to sacrifice; to strike down and to lift up; to sit in mourning and to rise up again. In you, John Sheridan, I see all of this and more. You have learned all these things and I am honored that you have shown me your journey; that you opened up to me and helped me open up to you in return. Being open means being vulnerable, and that, too, is something the universe is learning and is teaching us. It is teaching me through you and, hopefully, you through me. We have learned to see beyond the visible, and to feel beyond the tangible and I promise you today, that I will continue this journey with you, as the Humans say, till death do us part. And even then, there will be no end …"

She falters then, the knowledge that John only has so many years left to live in this life hitting her hard in these moments of commitment. She sees John's eyes shimmer with unshed tears and has to look away for a moment. She looks down at their joined hands between them. John rubs the backs of her hands gently with his thumbs. They are both trembling, vulnerable indeed. She takes a deep breath and looks up into his hazel eyes again, and continues.

"Even then, I will see you again in a place where no shadows fall ... and we will begin another chapter of learning, together. I love you, John Sheridan."

The last word comes out as a whisper, a lump in her throat taking her voice away. John leans forward until his forehead gently collides with hers. She closes her eyes and listens as John begins to speak.

"You are star stuff, Delenn. I see it every time I look at you. From the moment we met, you became a beacon for me; a source of infinite wisdom and of hope. I didn't know then that I would fall so hard for the woman that you are."

John chuckles and the members of their small audience smile through tears of their own. Delenn's lips are trembling but she smiles as well, her eyes now wide open.

"You are a fierce leader and warrior, even if you claim to be of the religious caste," John continues, and that even makes Lennier smile a little. "I've come to depend on you and while that was scary at first, you have proven to me that you're a faithful ally and a force to be reckoned with. With you by my side, I feel like I can face the world; like I can face the entire galaxy if I have to. But I also feel like I can be small and insecure with you; that I can show you my flaws and that my secrets will be safe with you. You told me once that the universe always puts us in the right place at the right time, and I believe that we were put together for a reason. Not just to accomplish something for the world, but also because we belong together. We complete each other and I will forever be grateful that you were able to fall in love with a difficult Human like me."

She smiles up at him, little lights dancing in her moist eyes and he wishes he could kiss her right now. But he has a few more words to say.

"And that's why I promise you today that I will stand by you for the rest of my life, that I will love you every single day and night and that I will keep you safe, so you will feel free to show me your flaws and know that I will never love you any less. And whatever happens, no matter what happens, one day we will be together for eternity in a place where no shadows fall. I love you, Delenn of Mir."

They kiss then, their tears mingling as they run down their cheeks and most of their guests need a tissue after the emotional vows they have just witnessed. Everyone realizes that this isn't just any wedding. It is a marriage of two people who have overcome unfathomable hardship to get to where they are today. Soon, they will take their place as leaders of the Interstellar Alliance but today, here on the Sheridan farm, they can be John and Delenn for a little while longer. Not Captain or President or Ambassador but ordinary newlyweds, husband and wife, surrounded by their family and friends.

The galaxy will still be here tomorrow.

* * *

T **o be continued.**

 **A/N: I will touch just a few scenes of season 5 for our couple before I wrap this story up with one or two scenes of their life on Minbar that I wish we would have seen on the show before that dreadful goodbye episode :(**

 **I hope the few readers I had are still with me!**


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